At what age did you disclose to your child?

[50/50]

HI there,

Just wondering for those of you who have already disclosed to your children about using donor gammette(s) at what age did you feel it was appropriate to do so? Did your child start asking questions about how they were created or was this just a sit down talk that you felt they were ready for?

Would love to hear stories on how you told them and what their responses were.

Thanks in advance!
50/50

[maria2]

Really early. Started telling ds before he could understand; this helped me get more comfortable with telling the story, and he began to recognize the rhythm of it, more or less. It is now just part of his basic understanding of himself and of our family. Have been less diligent w/ my daughter, but have told her here and there. Our story essentially says God had a special plan for how our baby angels would come to us, and we had to search the right way, and finally found it. He likes to hear stories about families and monsters, so I also throw in a sad, baby-less monster into his stories here and there, who becomes happy and stops being a monster after someone (a rabbit or a snake or something) helps her or him by giving her/him some extra baby eggs or seeds that she/he didn't need.

Read the research article that nathansmom just posted - it affirms that early and often are good strategies if you plan to tell; it's advice I really got from Bill Courdray (sp), the articulate adult di/mom's egg offspring who drops by here from time to time to put in his two cents on issues that arise here. I think waiting until there is a question is waiting too long. I wanted us to frame the story first before he had developed a framework that prompted the question.
-maria2
mom to david 3.5 yrs and Kate 11 mo., both via my egg and diui, two different donors

[Kylie]

We are going to do it soon with our 5.5 yr old. I bought one book but it's way over her head (It's kinda stupid, actually). I want to get that xyz book instead. To start off with.

[BC-MAV]

I think if I were going to disclose it would be when my child has a concept that an egg and sperm are needed for conception... not just a Mommy and a Daddy and a baby sac... as is the "discussion" now with our 4 1/2 year old.

[Adrienne]

Up to this point, we have left things with a story about us really wanting a baby and having touble and needing special help. He is more interested right now in just how I managed to push him out of my body! He said--but I have a really big head--don't I know it too!!

I'm with Mav on explaining things at the level they are at now and moving on to a more detailed explaination as they mature.

[50/50]

Thank you all for your input!

Adrienne- how old was your child when you started telling him?

thanks,
50/50

[Adrienne]

I don't know exactly---we have just always told him his story from early on. It kind of has a rhythm now and he asks different questions as he grows up. He is 4.5 now and clearly knows how much we wanted him (and uses it to manipulate up regularly....)

[SueZ]

we aren't telling for quite some time. i don't think my son is mature enough to hear about this at this time. I have said in my other posts, we want to make sure he understands and decides whether he/they want to tell other people. If we told him now, I'm quite sure he would tell the world. not that there's anything wrong with that, we aren't embarrassed, we just want to make sure that this is what he really wants to do. I think the idea of telling early is good too, as there is never one moment you have to come out with the big news. This is just how we plan on doing it, when we feel he is old enough to understand totally

[Adrienne]

I should clarify that we haven't disclose it all for the same reasons as Sue. We will tell more as he matures.

From the very beginning.

People always say stuff like, "Oh, he has his Dad's ___ hair/eyes/smile," etc. So when Nate started talking and asked questions like,"Did I get my brown hair from Daddy?" I would say, "No, because we used a donor to have you. So maybe you got your brown eyes from the donor. But grandmom has brown eyes, too, so it could be from her."

When he was about 3 I started to read WHERE DID I COME FROM? which explains the facts of life. Please understand that Nate is verbally gifted and gifted with language, so he could understand some basic stuff like that. I have a 4-year-old now and he would have no interest and little understand about sperm or eggs. I think you have to go by your child's curiosity, the child's questions, etc.

We just started by correcting misinformation, instead of pretending that maybe what Nate was saying was true (that he had inherited certain traits from Daddy).

Jen L.