To de/ds & egg donor recipients:

[gaylemae]

It's me again... just wanted to read more "stories" of how you emotionally feel about having (or pregnant with) a baby that is not biologically connected to you or you dh. Our 3 yr old dd is de/dh sperm - so there is some connection, yet the fact that she is not biologically connected to me makes no difference - couldn't love her more - I truly sometimes forget she's not mine bio, and when I do think about it, it doesn't matter.

Do you think it will be the same if I get pg with DE/DS? In my heart, I know it will, but sure is comforting to hear your stories. So many "what ifs" running through my mind.

I'm concerned de/ds child will resent not being bio connected to dd and parents? and will think dd has a more "special" place in dad's heart since he is the bio father.

Do you all plan to tell? We are keeping this secret between us - no family knows, no one. Do you think it will be more common when our babies grow up -- they won't feel like an outcast? Do you every worry about this? Will the child blame parents for creating them this way? Will they want to know/find their bio parents, will they be able to?

Will we connect with this child? What are you all's experiences. I don't mean to sound cynical, just real thoughts I have. If you're not comfortable commenting that's okay.

Love to hear your heart warming sstories of how it all worked out okay.

gaylemae

[coralville]

Gaylemae,

Yes, I love to hear those beautiful stories too.

I think babies being conceived through de will be a lot more common in the years to come, mostly because I think the new technique of cryopreserving eggs will have a much higher success rate in the future than it does now (it's new, they have to work on perfecting the technique). Cryopreserving eggs will hopefully reduce the cost of de substantially, so more people will be able to have this option. That's my opinion anyway. I hope I'm right.

Even if it's a lot more common the general public might not realize this, unless we start hearing more about it in the news. I wish some of these older actresses, public figures, etc. would start 'fessing up to de. Not that it's anyone else's business of course, but maybe they could show people what a huge, huge, huge gift de is and how grateful they are as recipients.


Again, just my opinion. Sorry to sort go off on a tangent.

C

[BC-KarenS-MI]

Yes, I know that you'll still love this baby just as much as you love your DD. You're carrying this child, you're bonding with this child, you're nurturing this child. Your blood will flow through this child as it grows inside of you. Yes, you'll love it just as much.

Karen

[TRC]

I have bb/b triplets from DFET and from the moment I saw them under the microscope they couldn't have been more mine than if they had come from me and DH. I talked to them from the moment they were in my tummy until they decided to join us (well I still talk to them...LOL). I know I couldn't love them anymore than I already do if they were my bio children, it's just not possible (we're actually kinda glad we didn't get to dip into either of our gene pools sometimes...LOL!).

[missyGA]

This post was actually in my head a million times lately but i was too afraid to write it. I have a son that took 7 years and multiple losses to get and we wanted another child so badly that we went DE/IVF. I am feeling a little disconnected amd my husband doesn't seem to get it at all. I think the hormones are kicking in but I am afraid that it will be different this time. I am hoping that once I see the baby it will all be different. I haven't really had anyone to talk to about these feelings so I am trying to push them aside. I do feel different this time though. Maybe because I am so sick, I am even on meds this time for nausea so it is hard to enjoy the pregnancy. I just hope that things will settle down and maybe feeling that first kick will make it feel more like a part of me.

[DiIP]

I used DE for my DD and donor embies for the twins. I was a bit nervous too about the possibility of lack of bonding, but the fear was groundless. All three of my children are adored by dh and me.

My dh's biggest fear was that he would, even without meaning to, treat the twins different than dd. He was right in one respect....he does treat them differently. But it is because they are different individuals, not because they are not genetically related to them. It really does not matter that the embryos were not "ours"; these children sure are!!!!

[Blsed4Life]

Originally Posted by gaylemae

It's me again... just wanted to read more "stories" of how you emotionally feel about having (or pregnant with) a baby that is not biologically connected to you or you dh. Our 3 yr old dd is de/dh sperm - so there is some connection, yet the fact that she is not biologically connected to me makes no difference - couldn't love her more - I truly sometimes forget she's not mine bio, and when I do think about it, it doesn't matter.

I can't answer this question for you or give you any advice or thoughts, all I know is that your story makes me feel at ease, especially by the quote above. DH and I made the decision about a month ago to move on to D Embie (using my eggs is not an option and DH didn't feel the need to be Bio connected). So far, we have not even given this a second thought, other than than the fact that we are so excited, we can't wait until we can get started.

From the beginning I didn't even think of this as on option, but when one door closed and this one opened, the decision was very easy for us to make (still wondering if its OK to feel this good about it). We have not made our choice known to others that do not share IF issues, I am not sure if its something we will always keep to ourselves or something we will talk freely about, however, it's not something we are ashamed of or afraid to tell others, but rather not deal with people comments who have no clue what kind of a gift this is to us.

I can only guess that since your it doesn't make any difference to you that your DD doesn't share your genes, I am sure that this next baby won't either. When I think about actually getting a BFP and what my child will be like, I just keep telling myself that the biggest gift of all in the end will be that she/he will be ours, and that it won't matter that she/he won't have my eyes or DH's smile or that she/he may not look anything like us, but he/she will be ours to love, cherish and make our family complete.