friend as donor...

kara6820 · 06-02-2005, 06:54 PM

I am new to this and just met with one RE this week and we are moving on to DE now. Meeting with second RE next Monday - that will be the RE we go with for this. I have 2 IVF cycles left that I can use towards donor medical costs. So that is great! I have a friend/co-worker who offered over a year ago to be a surrogate if we needed it. At the time I did not take it too seriously as we were not considering anything like that. Now that we need DE's, I asked her if she was interested. And she and her husband agreed that indeed they want to do this for us. HAs anyone used a friend for their DEs? What did you find to be the pros and cons in using someone you know who was not a relative? Would you do it again or go anonymous next time? Just looking for some opinions here.

Emily'sMom · 06-03-2005, 04:20 AM

I'm using a donor from my clinic's egg donor pool so I really can't offer you any advice. A few years back after 8 years of ttc and 2 failed domestic adoption we looked into surrogacy. My dh wasn't comfortable going with someone we didn't know. As it turns out I got to talking with my best friend who said she's been thinking about offering to be our surrogate for over a year but was worried how my dh would feel given we were best friends. As soon as I told him he immediately said yes! I think everything would have been fine had it really happened. But her mom had recently been dx with cancer and it travelled really fast. We wanted to give my friend time to help with the family and be emotionally ready for this. Anyways, we didn't end up needing her because I ended up getting pg on my own.

Sorry I don't have any advice. Just wanted to wish you tons of luck! Keep us posted.

**BC-MAV** · 06-03-2005, 06:36 AM

I personally would NOT be comfortable with using a friend, but if our finances were tight and there were no other options I might consider it. We couldn't forgive ourselves if there were complications and our friend lost one of her tubes or ovaries or whatever. That's not to say it would be just as bad if your surrogate who you did not know before had something happen to her.

I would highly reccomend counseling for everyone to make sure you, your DH, and your friend, and her DH are comfortable with surrogacy and have considered all the possabilities and what if's. Also get a psychiatric evaluation for your friend and a medical check-up. And definitley even though she is your friend, have a lawyer, a contract, life insurance, and make sure her health insurance covers a surrogacy pregnancy. We did those same exact things and the surrogate was a complete stranger... until we got to know her! Good luck! You have a great friend to offer to do this!

06-02-2005, 06:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
kara6820 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Illinois Posts: 388	friend as donor... I am new to this and just met with one RE this week and we are moving on to DE now. Meeting with second RE next Monday - that will be the RE we go with for this. I have 2 IVF cycles left that I can use towards donor medical costs. So that is great! I have a friend/co-worker who offered over a year ago to be a surrogate if we needed it. At the time I did not take it too seriously as we were not considering anything like that. Now that we need DE's, I asked her if she was interested. And she and her husband agreed that indeed they want to do this for us. HAs anyone used a friend for their DEs? What did you find to be the pros and cons in using someone you know who was not a relative? Would you do it again or go anonymous next time? Just looking for some opinions here.

06-03-2005, 04:20 AM	#2 (permalink)
Emily'sMom 5000-9999 post king of hearts Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 5,984	I'm using a donor from my clinic's egg donor pool so I really can't offer you any advice. A few years back after 8 years of ttc and 2 failed domestic adoption we looked into surrogacy. My dh wasn't comfortable going with someone we didn't know. As it turns out I got to talking with my best friend who said she's been thinking about offering to be our surrogate for over a year but was worried how my dh would feel given we were best friends. As soon as I told him he immediately said yes! I think everything would have been fine had it really happened. But her mom had recently been dx with cancer and it travelled really fast. We wanted to give my friend time to help with the family and be emotionally ready for this. Anyways, we didn't end up needing her because I ended up getting pg on my own. Sorry I don't have any advice. Just wanted to wish you tons of luck! Keep us posted. __________________ Ellen Mommy to a sweet miracle - Emily- 3/02 1st DEIVF - TWINS!!!! - Alexander David and - Katelyn Rose Arrived at 35w on 2/6/06

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06-03-2005, 06:36 AM	#3 (permalink)
BC-MAV Board Coordinator for Surrogacy BB Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: way down yonder ... Posts: 30,383 Blog Entries: 50	I personally would NOT be comfortable with using a friend, but if our finances were tight and there were no other options I might consider it. We couldn't forgive ourselves if there were complications and our friend lost one of her tubes or ovaries or whatever. That's not to say it would be just as bad if your surrogate who you did not know before had something happen to her. I would highly reccomend counseling for everyone to make sure you, your DH, and your friend, and her DH are comfortable with surrogacy and have considered all the possabilities and what if's. Also get a psychiatric evaluation for your friend and a medical check-up. And definitley even though she is your friend, have a lawyer, a contract, life insurance, and make sure her health insurance covers a surrogacy pregnancy. We did those same exact things and the surrogate was a complete stranger... until we got to know her! Good luck! You have a great friend to offer to do this!