Embryo Donor

[franjipani]

hello
my husband and i are readying to donate our remaining embryos.

does anyone know, are there any clinics in north america that you can donate blastocysts to? ours does not have a donor embryo programme. it's frustrating hearing, "we would love to help you, but..."

to any couples/parents who have done donor embryo, may i ask your reaction when you learned you had been matched? my husband and i offered our emrbyos to a couple, who said they were "Thrilled" and five days later, we have not heard from them. my husband is now very concerned. i have only spoken with a few parents, but they have all said their reaction was very different to this. i know every couple is different, but should i be using more discretion??

in donating the embryos we just want to do what for us is "the right thing", we never imagined it would be so challenging.

thank you,
tess

sorry, i should add that although we live in hong kong, my husband and i are both caucasian. no clinics in hk have a donation programme, and even if they did, to quote the dr, "no one would want your embryos."

[Emily'sMom]

First of all let me tell you what a wonderful thing you're doing by donating your embryos!!!! For many, donor embyro's is their only chance at having a child. I just want to give you a great big

I believe there are a few embryo adoption agencies .. the one that comes to my mind is Snowflakes. You can check them out at www.snowflakes.org From alot of the posts I've read from people using donor embryos .. they were received from someone they knew or got to know through support groups like here at FT. If you wanted to try and personally match and screen a couple yourself, you could always post an ad on www.surromonsline.com You can also search their ads, they always have at least a few couples searching for donor embryo's.

I'm shocked at the horrible thing your dr. said. That was incredibly rude and just outright wrong!!! I'm sorry you had to listen to that. I'm not really sure what to say about not hearing back from the other couple for 5 days. I think it's a little rude on their part for not getting back in touch with you already. But keep in mind, accepting donor embryos is also a big decision and may take some time deciding. There are many that are still trying to find features that most closely match one or both of them. It's hard, but try not to take any of that personally. There's also a lot going on in the US about donating embryos. My RE said that the regulations are getting really tough and are steering some clinics away from donor embryos.

This board is always slow on the weekends but I'm sure there will be some others that will post that have either used donor embryos or donated their remaining embryos that can better help you out. I just wanted to wish you tons of luck and say again what a wonderful thing you're doing!!!

[50/50]

OMG! I can't believe your doctor would even say such a thing to you. It is totally not true! THere are soooooo many IF couples looking to adopt embryos for many reasons. One is it's a much more afordable way then to do DE. My friend looked into Snowflakes and there is a long wait for embryos and now that there is the new regulation regarding donor gammettes she's not sure where that puts her. There was a posting a while back from an attorney who did these type of donor embryo adoptions as well.

What you are doing is such a beautiful thing plse don't give up. Hopefully, someone who is in the process of doing the same thing will post for you.

I wish you the best of luck!

[debi]

I saw your post and just had to stop by and say "hello"

It was a horrible thing your DR said to you, I hope you had a "nice" reply in return.

You know that what you are doing is the most gracious and selfless gift imaginable. For which you will be forever blessed.

When we found out we were going to be the parents of embryos we were over the moon. I immediately emailed our donors back and still do (sometimes wonder if she doesn't get tired of it, lol) We were, and are, so very happy that they gave us the chance to fulfill the second part of our dream. (first part of our dream is now sleeping )To fill the emptiness left in our hearts and arms. I would think that the recipients would indeed have written by now and I (if I were the donor) would be a little concern about their lack of appreciation.

I will email you soon, hope you are having a great day.

[CathyNC]

Tess,
What a kind and most generous gift that you and your dh are willing to share with another couple. I will hopefully be starting a cycle in the middle of June to hopefully fulfill mine and dh's dream to have a child together. We had been on the waiting list for a donor embryo for 5 long years. My 2nd RE has a very small clinic and they don't have many embryos available for donation but ocassionally do them. We were so excited when we got the call!!! My clinic trys to match by looks. We were however open to any embryos. We have also considered adopting from China. If this does not work for us we will look into adoption. I'm sure you will get several messages from interested couples. In fact, if I had seen your post before we were scheduled for this one I would have been honored to be considered! That is so sweet of you both! I would also do the same. I hope you find the most wonderful couple and I hope that everything turns out for the best. Did you have a successful IVF? It is so good to know there are such gracious people like you in the world! Good Luck and God Bless you both!
Hugs,
CathyNC

[Laenae]

So sorry that your Dr. made such a stupid comment. My guess though is that he did not mean that no one would want your embryos. He most likely meant that the people in Hong Kong would not want to have embryos from a caucasian couple. In any event, he should not have made such a hurtful comment without clarifying the reason.

You are doing a selfless act and will be giving some couple a chance at being parents where there was none. Sorry to hear that you have not heard from the couple that you were donating to. They must be going through a struggle. However, it would be nice to give you some indication of what is going through their minds.

Please keep us posted on how things are going.

[franjipani]

hi ladies
many thanks for your kind balanced and supportive comments. i really needed that today!

the update is: the couple we selected for the embryos declined them. they just felt it wasn't right. i completely respect their decision, and admire them for being so honest. so we are back to the start again. emily's mum, i appreciated the perspective about couples trying to find a child that looks like them. i hadn't thought of it that way. two of my children have blue eyes, one has green and one has hazel, so if they were brown eyed, i guess that could make them antsy?

50/50 - thank you for your encouragement. i am NOT giving up yet, by any means! tell your friend to look into embryosalive.com, their waiting list and cost is shorter and less than snowflakes.

debi - as always, thank you thank you thank you!!!

cathy - hi, yes, my family is complete, we have a three year old son and one year old triplets. we remember infertility and so want to help another couple. i really hope your FET goes well...how many will you transfer??

laenae - firstly, you have a beautiful name, and if that is your daughter, she is beautiful too. i think that is what my doctor meant as well. but it did still irk me.

i will keep you posted...and the good news is i am spreading the word to all my friends who went through IVF as to what i am doing, and have received quite a bit of feedback that they are interested in the process as well. i will direct them here!!!

tess

[CathyNC]

Tess,
To aswer your question, we will probably transfer 3. That is the maximum my clinic will transfer. I would probably do up to 5 if it was my decision because of my chances with my age. Soon to be 44. They haven't told me how many there are. They said I would find out once I spoke to the embryologist at thaw. My guess from the conversation I had with the nurse that she expects atleast 3 for us. I am anxious to find out. Wow, you have triplets! How exhausting is that? It must be quite exciting around your house. Do you stay at home or do you work? I babysat for newborn twins so I know how busy you must be. Have you had many responses regarding your precious embies? I hope you find the most incredible couple to raise them!!
Hugs,
Cathy

[TRC]

Tess, it is an absolutely wonderful loving thing you are doing. I thank God everyday for the donors that gave us the embryos that are now our 1 yr old triplet boys and the light of our lives. We have since donated the remaining embryos to another couple to help complete their family. We were going to donate them back into the clinic's program and did infact, but after almost a year they were still available so we then decided to look at a private donation. Ultimately we did do the private donation and believe it to be the right thing for us to have done as we will have ongoing contact with the recipient couple, something we had requested as a condition when donating back to the clinic.

At first I thought going the private route would be too much...I mean how do you choose between so many deserving people who simply want a baby to love and nuture. But, it was actually easier than I thought possible, and the feeling that came over me was one of great peace...God had chosen the couple not us, he led them to us and everything just bloomed from there.

Again, it is a beautiful and loving thing you are doing and I know you'll find that meant to be couple just as I did whether you go through a clinic or a private donation.

[misskikki]

I am looking for donor embryos and dont know where to start. I'll try the web sites someone listed but if you had any experience you could share Iwould apppreciate it. If you prefer, pls email me at mepeat1@aol.com. Thank you and good luck in your search.