DS questions/help needed

Crissy1 · 03-16-2005, 03:46 PM

Hey everyone! I'm jumping over from the adoption bb's. My dh has non-obstructive azoospermia & after a failed TESE that produced no results we decided to pursue adoption. We were really tossed between DS & adoption..& just thought pursuing adoption for our first child would somehow be a little easier on both of us. Well, we had a failed adoption/match in November when the potential birthmother changed her mind at the birth. Needless to say we had to deal with devastating news once again.

I have been starting to think about DS again, or moving onto international adoption. I still have a strong desire to be pregnant & experience all that goes along w/ being prg. I am tired of having to "prove" we would be good parents to pbm's...& I just want to have children already.

I don't know if I am looking for advice.....or maybe just to vent. Initially when we were deciding which avenue to go down, my dh was fine w/ ds & I was a little uncomfortable with it. Now I think the tables have turned. I want him to be ok with it, I don't want him to have strange feelings toward me for wanting this...those are all my own fears, I know. He is very loving & supportive...maybe I just have to let my dh think on the the ds option for a bit.

We both realize the positives of using ds....experiencing prg, control over prenatal care etc....

Any words of wisdom....or ideas on how I can get dh to open up & say how he "really" feels about the subject?

Thanks a million, in advance!
~Crissy

50/50 · 03-16-2005, 04:05 PM

Hi Crissy!

Welcome and I'm so sorry to hear about your failed adoption.

My husband was first not open to using DS either...it took him quite a bit of time to get use to the idea. I'm not sure what made him change his mind but once he did he was all for it. I think now that we are also using DE he feels that it is more equal. Like you I wish to experience pregnancy and have more control over the prenatal care etc...

Would your DH be willing to go to a therapist? They are pretty good at getting people to open up.

Good luck to you!
50/50

03-16-2005, 03:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
Crissy1 Registered User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: NY Posts: 1,534	DS questions/help needed Hey everyone! I'm jumping over from the adoption bb's. My dh has non-obstructive azoospermia & after a failed TESE that produced no results we decided to pursue adoption. We were really tossed between DS & adoption..& just thought pursuing adoption for our first child would somehow be a little easier on both of us. Well, we had a failed adoption/match in November when the potential birthmother changed her mind at the birth. Needless to say we had to deal with devastating news once again. I have been starting to think about DS again, or moving onto international adoption. I still have a strong desire to be pregnant & experience all that goes along w/ being prg. I am tired of having to "prove" we would be good parents to pbm's...& I just want to have children already. I don't know if I am looking for advice.....or maybe just to vent. Initially when we were deciding which avenue to go down, my dh was fine w/ ds & I was a little uncomfortable with it. Now I think the tables have turned. I want him to be ok with it, I don't want him to have strange feelings toward me for wanting this...those are all my own fears, I know. He is very loving & supportive...maybe I just have to let my dh think on the the ds option for a bit. We both realize the positives of using ds....experiencing prg, control over prenatal care etc.... Any words of wisdom....or ideas on how I can get dh to open up & say how he "really" feels about the subject? Thanks a million, in advance! ~Crissy __________________ Married 7/25/98 7 years of IF heartbreak Finally!! BFP! FET w/ Heparin(Beta#1-573,#2-1856) Sienna Rose born 4/19/07

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03-16-2005, 04:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
50/50 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,927 Blog Entries: 18	Hi Crissy! Welcome and I'm so sorry to hear about your failed adoption. My husband was first not open to using DS either...it took him quite a bit of time to get use to the idea. I'm not sure what made him change his mind but once he did he was all for it. I think now that we are also using DE he feels that it is more equal. Like you I wish to experience pregnancy and have more control over the prenatal care etc... Would your DH be willing to go to a therapist? They are pretty good at getting people to open up. Good luck to you! 50/50