SandiLI--Hope you can shed some light!

[deeja]

Sandi- Hi! I read your post on the "to tell or not to tell" thread and saw that your older sis and now your younger sis are your ED's. My older sis is contemplating being my ED (I have POF 33 yrs. old) and she is very torn up inside. We are both scared of the future and any "weirdness" we may feel because we know very technically that my dd or ds would be her and my dh's genetic child. On the other hand, we then know that her being my ED makes sense from a genes point of view. We are soooo close and don't want anything to put a strain on our relationship. Can you shed any light on how you and your dsis have felt since the birth of your ds? Any weirdness? Did you have the same fears? Help! and thanks-Deeja

[SandiLI]

Hi Deeja,

Sorry I'm just responding now, I have not been on the bb this week.

I would love to shed some light for you...I feel having my older sister as our ds donor was the best thing that could have happened to us. I was already very close with my sister and this has just added to the special bond we have. It's so hard to put into words the feelings I have for her. My dh and I both feel very blessed and we all talk openly about our fears and concerns.

Thankfully there have not been any issues at this point and it's not wierd. I look at her as my sons aunt and she looks at my son as her nephew. When we really sit and think, we both know what took place. I'm so grateful and I would not have it any other way. I feel so strongly about using my sister as a donor that I am 11 days away from a DE transfer from my younger sister.

We are all very close and I can say that I can already feel the bond that my younger sister and I are forming due to her kindness and the whole donor process. We are also close, this just adds something special.

Not many women are blessed to have a sibling as a donor. I felt it made so much sense with the fact I know the family history, health, personality, looks, etc. You never know with a stranger. I'm sure every person has their own opinions about it, this just worked for me.

I think you have to be really open and talk about the questions you have with each other. It can't hurt to talk to a fertility social worker or someone along that line to go over any moral issues, legal issues, etc. We just went through that process as it's a requirement in the IVF office we are using. I have a different RE due to the fact my older sister lived in CA during my prior IVF's. It was not a requirement there.

I hope I was able to shed some light for you. If you have any questions you can always e-mail me private. Let me know. Good luck with your choice.

[SandiLI]

Deeja,

Did you read the post???

[deeja]

Sandi- sorry it has taken me so long to write back. since my post to you-my Dsis and I have done a 360degree turn. We are so close literally and figuratively (we live 5 blocks away, same address) and see eachother daily and are inmeshed with one anothers lives ha ha! My therapist and I had many long talks and so did my sis and I and we were very afraid of our relationship changing. No matter what , if we could "handle" her being the donor or not, there would have been an element of change and she is truly my best friend. I need her support 100% and she was really torn so my Dh and I decided to keep family out of it and move on to seek our donor. We called our agency today to get started. Thanks for your reply...best of luck to you.

[SandiLI]

Good for you! Each person has their reasons and you have to feel right about it in your heart. I'm sure you both made the right choice.

Keep me posted on your search. Good Luck!