Proven Donor?

[bbydream]

Hi everyone,
We are going through a tough time with our last failed DE cycle. I got a BFP - but my Betas didn't rise correctly - and we were told we were losing the pregnancy. We've been devastated. We were so sure this would work the 1st time (or praying so). There were no blasts left to freeze.

We have decided we will try one last fresh DE cycle. Our biggest concern on this last gamble is chosing a donor. Our last donor (who turned 21 two months ago-she seemed a perfect match for us) had cycled with our clinic before - had many embryos with 1st couple - had some left to freeze - they didn't get pregnant.
With ours -we had 17 fertilize, 7 left - 2 blasts- 5 day. I got a 1st beta of 244 , then 380, then down to 280 then back up to 490 -but they say it just ins't viable at this point - its been too long (I transferred on 2/7). We are so sad about it. Our donor fee was 7665 and meds about 2000.

My question to all of you especially those successful with donor. Is it just luck? We are afraid to use a donor who isn't proven - we had considered ours "proven" because she had produced many embryos last time - but I guess now I want "proven" as being someone who had a successful full pregnancy. I'm wondering now - will my own clinic consider this one of mine "proven" because I'm 6 weeks pregnant - although I'm losing it. Our clinic rarely has repeat donors - they are mostly college students. I'm scared to take the risk again - we are in the NJ area - and don't know how to use outside my state agencies?

Thanks for your help

[Laenae]

Sorry to hear about you getting a BFP only to lose the PG. I know you must be devastated. I can totally relate having had a M/C myself and so many disappointments.

DH and I are going with a proven, successful donor. After all we have been through with our own eggs, we wanted the best possible chance and would not go with a donor that has not been successful previously. There is no guarantee that using this donor will be successful in our case, but we felt the chances would be greater that it would. We know that our donor has made 3 couples PG before and that made her very attractive to us.

We live in NYC and went with an agency outside of NY State as we did not want to go with the donors at our Clinic. We wanted to see what the donor looks like, and our clinic only gives you a description. The agency that we are using has donors from all over the country. Due to the fact that we were selective with regard to physical attributes, educational background and blood type of our donor, the donor that met our criteria lives in another state. That, however, can be quite expensive. We have spent between $45,000 - $50,000 on this cycle, as the donor fee alone was $12,000. Then you have the cycle fee for both donor and recipient at the clinic; the meds; the hotel; airfare for both donor and companion; daily food stipend; taxi and parking; dog sitting $700 for 2 dogs for our donor; Donor agency costs; medical coverage for donor; attorneys' fees for donor and for us, and a host of other expenses not mentioned here. Our clinic requires that the donor be here in NYC from the day before she even begins the Stim Meds until the day after she has Retrieval – around 15-16 days. The donor has traveled to NYC before to do all her testing at our clinic as well – so there was additional airfare and hotel costs. You have to take all this into consideration when picking an out of state donor and a proven donor. Donors that are not proven only charge $4,000 for their first retrieval at the agency that I use. The more donations that they make, the more $$$ they get.

I am not sure if I am permitted to post the links of some Donor Agencies with photos/descriptions of donors here on FT or not. If you would like some links, please PM me.

I wish you the best in your endeavor of completing your family.

Love,
Laenae

[BC-MAV]

I hate to tell you this... it is LUCK!!! We went with a proven egg donor 1st time around. She had donated 3-4 times and all her couples had pregnancies and children. The donor herself had children and she was young... in her mid 20's. Seemed like a PERFECT donor. We got 11 embryos and with 2 different surrogates had NO PREGNANCIES!

Fast forward we find another egg donor. She has NEVER donated. She does NOT have children. She is young. We got 12 embryos and transferred 2 embryos to ANOTHER surrogate and we are pregnant.

Proven donor to me is a myth that was dispelled when we did NOT get pregnant with a proven donor and 2 different surrogates. I think age of donor is important. I think they way the donor responds could give you an idea of how many eggs to expect if she has donated before. But pregnancy is no guarantee.

****!! I wish it were more scientific and not just LUCK!

[50/50]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I am going to start a DE cycle in April with a first time donor. It is a risk but the way I see it is these proven donors may have good eggs but it takes two to tango. So it's not possible to get the same results each time when using different sperm. Although, it's better to go in with a proven donor it's only half of the equation. So maybe luck does play a factor in this?

Best of luck to you and don't give up hope.

[hbby]

I'm sorry you have been through so much! We used an out of state agency to find our donor. We picked the donor we wanted and it just so happened that she lived in our state! I agree with MAV, it's just plain dumb luck. I spoke with my RE before choosing a donor and he told us that proven doesn't mean a sure thing so to just pick our favorite. Also if you go with an "unproven" donor you can usually save a little $$$. Our donor was 21 never donated before and no children. She gave us 29 eggs. Everyone's journey is different. I wish you luck!! Keep us posted!

[flicka7]

We selected a proven donor the first time around and found out after her first RE visit that she hadn't had AF for 4 months. (Our agency will only say they've had successful donations, no info on how many eggs or live births).

Then we selected an unproven donor who did not stim well and was cancelled the day she should have taken HCG. That cycle cost us $8,000.

Then we selected another unproven donor and got 28 eggs. I didn't get pg on the fresh transfer, but did 2 months later with 2 frozen embryos. I have 3 left on ice.

My agency didn't provide us with that many proven donor profiles to consider, so since we wanted to get moving, we chose an unproven. My RE said the same thing as the other ladies, a proven donor doesn't always mean a pregnancy and an unproven donor doesn't always mean a failure!!!

You have to take a deep breath and go for it! Good Luck.

[emmaalso]

I am sosorry you have to worry about another cycle
We had mixed experience which makes me wonder if 'proven' donor means anything. Our first was not proven we got pregnant after FET then chose a proven donor and the cycle got cancelled because she ovulated before she was supposed to and had no good eggs left, no we chose another not proven donor who qualifies as a split so I think if they have lots of follies when they get tested they should be a good donor regardless of whether theyve done it before.

[BC-MAV]

I am so sorry you don't have any to freeze. I do know that our agency provides "stats" on "proven" donors such as how many donations, how many eggs each donation, the clinic and RE that did the retrieval, and whether the receiving couple or surrogate got pregnant. In terms of children born, that information was not on the "stats" but was passed on from the counselor to us.

[sarasage]

Two different REs emphatically told us to choose a proven donor, if this
helps any. However, we're not sure why other than they know how they
respond to the drugs. Seems to us, there's a bit of luck involved, too.

We're puzzled by our potential donor's stats.
She's donated 4 times but we only have 1 reported pregnancy and no
info on whether the baby was healthy, etc.

What do you make of that?

We have 2 potential donors right now: the one I mention above and one who is 21 and never done it before. Not sure which way to go....

[sarasage]

Two different REs emphatically told us to choose a proven donor, if this
helps any. However, we're not sure why other than they know how they
respond to the drugs. Seems to us, there's a bit of luck involved, too.

We're puzzled by our potential donor's stats.
She's donated 4 times but we only have 1 reported pregnancy and no
info on whether the baby was healthy, etc.

What do you make of that?

We have 2 potential donors right now: the one I mention above and one who is 21 and never done it before. Not sure which way to go....