Just Dx:POF (DD Ment)

[deeja]

I have been lurking and just want to intro myself. I am 33 yrs. old, TTC #2 for 6 months and have been experiencing menopausal symptoms since DD was born (18 months ago). (She was conceived naturally after 8 mos TTC thru BBT's).

I had FSH/E2 several times. FSH has gone from 19 6 months ago, to 37.4 CD3 last month to 90 on CD10 last month. Saw RE last week and he adv DH and I that the chance of conceiving on our own w/my eggs was "slim to none" and we are great candidates for DE. Our world is rocked. We sat w/the RE for 1 1/2 hours dumbfounded and feel like there should be something we can do to reverse/lower FSH or "cure" POF. I am in Denial. We are seeing a psychologist this week and my DH and I are all over the road as to whether DE is what we should do. All of the stories here have been so helpful, as everyone's situation brings a new view. I do hope all of you wanting to experience motherhood get your chance.

I feel scared one minute as to what and who to tell, and then so certain that we are meant to have a unique family, one filled with so much love because we WANTED babies to love.

When does the decision become clear? Is my fear normal or should my gut just know? Help! Thx-Deeja

[BC-KarenS-MI]

Welcome to the board Deeja. I'm sorry that you've been dx with POF. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make your FSH levels go back down. The levels will fluctuate, so the next time you have it checked, it may be lower, but that doesn't really mean anything much at this point. The saying is that you're only as good as your highest level. For me, my levels have been anywhere between 60-90 for my FSH. I did have a time or two where it was lower, like in the upper teens, but it didn't matter. Unlike most people with POF, I never had any menopause symptoms. (I was officially dx at age 22, but had proper tests been done earlier, I would've been dx around 17)

As for who & what to tell, I wouldn't say anything to ANYONE about DE, until you decide whether or not you want to tell people. You can always tell them later, but you can't untell once you've told.

The news that you need to use DE usually leaves you feeling like you've been kicked in the stomach & confused, not mention angry, sad, etc. Your feelings are really quite normal & to be expected. You need to give youselves some time to come to grips with this latest news. ONce you've had a little time to deal with the info you'll start to feel more at ease & at peace with the decision you need to make.

I see that you're also in MI. Do you mind if I ask which RE you see? I saw Dr. Fakih in his Rochester Hills office & loved him!!

Good luck as you work your way through these feelings & the news you've gotten. Hang out here at FT, come on over to the IVF bb when you're ready to get started too.

Karen

[deeja]

Karen-Thanks for your reply. We are meeting witha psychologist tomorrow night. I think it will help us sort through things. It's just in my nature to be somewhat of an open book, so my immediate family (Mom and 2 sisters) and very few close friends know I have POF and have several options laid out to us but none the less, IVF would be the method of ART. I am having my FSH re-tested in a month but I know that the high #'s are pretty indicative of things. I've kept it vague w/friends so they probably suspect that we would try IVF w/my own eggs first (which is not the case per my Dr.'s suggestion), and yes, we can tell later on!

I am seeing Dr. Mersol-Barg in Birmingham. He is in practice alone, has his own in-house donor pool and his bedside manner is wonderful. I went on to the CDC website and got his stats of success of live births via DEIVF and he is right around 48%....I think you go to IVF Michigan and their stats were at 50%ish?
Have you heard anything of Mersol-Barg? I have only been there once to get my DX. I will join the IVF BB should we go that route..thanks again.

[Laenae]

Welcome to the board. Sorry to hear about your DX. You are so young for this to happen to. I can't add much regarding FSH numbers. I never really got into the technical stuff about all my previous IVFs.

I, too, never thought that I would have to consider DE. For me, I wasted a lot of my younger years not trying to conceive even though I married at 24. There were too many things to achieve and things to do – saving for a house, my husband starting his own business, me starting a new job, etc. We always put getting PG on the back burner never dreaming that we would have difficulty. Who would have thought? I guess now there is no sense of crying over spilled milk. What is done is done. I can’t turn back the hands of time. I must move on.

My IF problems had all to do with me and not DH. I have a blocked right tube as well as a sub-septate uterus in which I had most of the septum removed via laparoscopy/hysteroscopy/d&c. We were blessed with our DD and first natural pregnancy with only the use of Clomid right after the septum surgery. After DD was born, we did 5 IVFs and 1 FET which produced a twin pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. So, here I am 5 years later and 5 years older. We desperately want a sibling for DD. As we didn't want to drop any more money down a bottomless pit using our my eggs, we came to the decision that going the DE route would better increase our chances of completing our family. This decision, however, did not come easy. We have been toying with it back and forth for a couple of years. My DH was all for it from the onset, but I was the holdout. Although I know I want another child, I still grieve for that genetic connection. I guess I worried that I would not be able to love a DE child as if it were my own. Would I always look at the child(ren) and compare their looks to that of the Donor? If I am fortunate to become PG with DE, I know that my DH will have the connection and I won't. That bothers me to some extent. I guess it always will. Will people comment, gee your son/daughter looks so much like your DH and nothing like you? How would I feel about that? Those were the questions I had to grapple with. My choice of going the DE route is still one that I question at times and I hope it will become clearer as time goes on. And while I grieve the genetic loss, I would regret it a lot more not giving my DD a sibling. Which leads me to where I am today....waiting to have a DE IVF next week!!!!!

As for disclosure, everyone that has posted on the various threads here have very valid points for their own situation. Concerning my situation, DH and I have decided not to tell. Being very private people and from the old school of thought, we feel what they don’t know, won’t hurt them. We feel there is no reason for the child(ren) to know they were conceived by the egg of another woman. We do not want the child to look at me as any less their mother and start searching for the woman that donated their egg. This is how we look at it and it isn’t necessarily the correct point of view, but it is right for us. It is a very personal decision that no one can make up for you.

I wish you all the best on your quest for completing your family.

Love,
Laenae

[deeja]

Laenae-Thanks for your reply. I can completely relate to all of the feelings you have/had re DE. EXACTLY--the same thoughts I have at times. I think, for me/us, we would tell a select few in my and , my husband's immediate family since I already planted that as a possibilityand I seriously wear my heart on my sleeve (can be a downfall) but yes, to each his own!

BUT FOR YOU---GL with your DE IVF...I will cross my fingers for you and your DH and DD and send loads and loads of sticky babydust for 9 healthy months! Hang in There!

[hbby]

Welcome deeja

So sorry to hear about your dx. POF is something that I have also lived with for the past year. I was 24 with an FSH level of over 50 (went from 50 to 60 in one week). I still can remember the second that my RE told me about POF. I felt the same way you did. I am so glad to hear that you are going to see a psychologist. That is one thing I regret never doing. The decision to use DE wasn't actually a choice for us - either adoption or DE. We chose DE because I wanted the experience of having a child. Your fear is absolutely normal. There is no way that I could have made a decision about our next step so soon after finding out. First, you need to take care of you. After you have sorted through your feelings then try and make a decision. Please know that we are all here for you

[deeja]

hbby-thanks for your reply. I have been lurking for awhile and I have noticed yur posts. I was so excited to see that you got pg on your first DEIVF-w/twins none the less! I am excited for you to experience motherhood, ok, labor is a whole other story . We meet with the psychologist tonight and I go back to my OB/GYN tomorrow to discuss HRT and one last FSH blood draw. Are you on HRT? Do most POF'ers go on HRT and stay on it thru DE IVF?? I'm sure I'll find out but just wondering!

[Laenae]

for your well wishes. I hope the DE road for you is not a long one. I am glad you are getting some counseling to help sort through the many questions and ramnifications of going the DE route. I wish you all the best and hope that you soon will hold the baby of your dreams in your arms and close to your heart.

Love,

Laenae