Was BABYLOVE chased away from this board?

I don't see any more posts from her. I feel kind of upset, because she wanted to discuss disclosure and some people here didn't like it and I don't think they were sensitive to her needs.

The thing is, she was a newcomer and had a lot of questions, and now she doesn't seem to be here any more.

I know some of you don't want to read about disclosure, so all I can say is, don't read those posts. Whether or not to tell, and how and when to tell, a child about using a donor is a real issue that every single one of us has to face. We all have to think about it--even if you have decided you are NOT telling. You still had to think about it, if only for a few seconds, long enough to decide NO.

I hope the next newcomer who brings up the topic here has better luck.

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone here, because I never want to do that. I know people get mad when I say this, but please, if you you are upset about the topic, don't open those posts! It's like posts on pregnancy...if you are still TTC you don't open those posts if it's upsetting. And same for this.

If anyone has a suggestion about how to "mark" that topic in the subject line, I will gladly use it so you don't come in and get a bad feeling. Any ideas, ladies?

Jen L.

[Magpie]

Don't know. You'll have to ask her if she felt chased.

I didn't get involved in that thread but skimmed it pretty well. She clearly stated that she would prefer to take it to emails or PM's due to the heated nature of the subject. Let's let it go.

[Janie-OR]

Jen,
I agree with Magpie.

Babylove stated that she'd be happy to take the discussion off-line, so I assume that's what she did.

As far as disclosure or any other topic, it's fine say that we just don't have to read or respond to the posts, but imagine that. All the non-disclosers stop opening posts and stop responding with their viewpoint because they're tired of feeling persecuted from previous threads. To me, that's not having a balanced discussion with different perspectives. Kinda defeats the purpose of the question asking for insight into how people make their own decision.

Why don't we have the latest thread pinned or put somewhere "referenceable" and point newcomers to it to avoid opening old wounds. Otherwise, they can do what Babylove might have done and take it offline.


Thanks.
Janie

[BC-KarenS-MI]

I've seen her posting recently, so no, I don't believe that she felt "chased away". She posted on this bb as long ago as 2-7-05. So perhaps you just haven't seen her posts.

The problem isn't that those who don't want to disclose don't want to talk about it. The problem is that those who DO want to tell have bashed those who feel otherwise. I personally don't care what you (and I'm not meaning you personally) choose to do. It's your choice. I don't condemn you for telling, but I don't expect to be condemned or told that I haven't done any research on the issue either, do know you what I mean? I have friends who do plan to tell their kids, but that doesn't make them unlikable to me. That doesn't mean that I don't want to be friends with them anymore. It simply means that they have a different thought about the whole issue. I respect that, just as I respect others here who have a different point of view.

To try to tell people that if they don't like the subject then don't open it is ridiculous. You're asking for the subject to be entirely one sided then, which isn't fair to those new ones wanting to know what to do. And like I said before, it's not that the subject is minded to be discussed, but more that others with opposing viewpoints feel the need to try to tell those people that they're wrong or that they're making the wrong decision & that there's only one decision to make.

This board used to be so supportive. I know several ladies who HAVE been chased away. Let's not let that happen again because it's really a shame, regardless of what side of the fence you're on.

Karen

Perhaps we should start a disclose/non-disclose thread and have it pinned. Possibly even set up some guidelines such as each person having an opinion post the reasons supporting their opinion.

Would it be too limiting to say no one could reply to another member's post? I'm trying to think of a way that we can stop the impression of personal attacks (whether real or perceived). I too don't care what side of the issue everyone is on, I just want new members to be able to get some food for thought on the issue without being alienated by angry posts. Another possibility would be to lock the thread so that any posts would have to be approved by the moderator before being added. A bit draconian to my tastes, but some folks might feel more comfortable posting if they know no one will be able to bash them.

What does everybody think? mod-donor (first typed mod-debate! lOL) what do you think?

Diana

[BC-MAV]

There are plenty of people on different BB's that post once or twice and I never see posts from them again. Sometimes they go to other BB's and it seems they have gone away but they really haven't! And yes, sometimes they discussion is taken in private for whatever reason ~ that's what PM is for! I don't think we should be talking about other FT users like this thread is doing. It is not fair to the person.

I do think it's a good idea to have a pinned thread of pros for disclosure and non-disclosure regarding donor egg and donor sperm. While there is no pinned thread of pros of agency vs independant on the surrogacy BB I do know the question comes up often from IP's and SM's alike. However the topic is discussed in a cival manner as often as it comes up with newbies.

As an IP, I am pro-agency and can tout the positives of going with an agency for surrogacy arrangements but I can also admit there are negatives. Likewise there are SM's who are pro-independant and can tout the benefits of going independant, but they are respectful of others views and will admit the drawbacks as well.

Since this is probably a more heated topic than agency vs independant, and people view the information of disclosure or non-disclosure as important to those doing donor, I think we should only focus on the positives of each. Accentuate the positve....

[BabyLove]

Hello Everyone!

I'm here!!! Wow!

Anyway, not that I have lost interest in the topic...I did feel a bit censured, but at the same I have learned that you have to respect the wishes of those who have issues discussing a certain topic. While it is true that these people could certainly avoid reading the topic, I know how hard it is to ignore an issue that stands out. You know the saying - curiosity killed the cat.

Nathanzmom is right though, but you all might not have realized that I am a newcomer, so I meant no harm in opening the discussion on ID release. I was told that there is extensive material on the subject, so I left it at that. Absolutely no harm done.

Although I continue to have questions and will perhaps continue to have questions about ID release, Nathanzmom has given me enough food for thought, so she deserves LOTS OF CREDIT!

In any event, I admire that Nathanzmom has come forward to support me! And, no I have not been pushed away. BTW, I chat here pretty much every evening with the girls! I just haven't been posting here that much. Anyway, thanks for sticking up for me! I owe you one!!! .

Now, it seems like people still want to discuss this issue, so should we start a new thread as suggested, or should we agree censorship?

let's discuss.

Okay, Phew! I'm glad you are still around.

Ladies, it's not that I don't want people with different views on disclosure to share their side. I really want EVERYONE to be involved. I don't want things to be one-sided, that's not my intention. It was to try to help the ladies who come here to feel comfortable with being here, even if they don't like disclosure discussions.

I want EVERYONE here to feel respected and free here. Honest!

Jen L.

I dont' see that board. Where is it?

[BC-MAV]

For those wanting to state their reasons for chosing to tell or not tell about using donor gametes in a postiive manner, click on the link and you can add your viewpoint:


http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...hreadid=292990