The Truth About Identity Release Programs

BabyLove · 01-21-2005, 04:58 PM

Hi Everyone!

I have participating in an on-going thread regarding the pros and cons of identity release programs. I don't know if these identity release programs are available for women going through IVF with DE's...are they? Well, I am only familiar with the sperm donor aspect, but I would be interested in exploring the issues of to tell or not to tell and identity release with other women and men.

I have been advised that identity release should be the option when going the sperm donor route. I would like to explore the pros and cons with everyone.....

Please feel free to pitch in!

Janie-OR · 01-21-2005, 06:59 PM

This question gets posed a lot and always generates emotional and combative responses. Any way possible that you could ask people to email you or PM you?

And if everyone chooses to jump all over me for this request, then I'm leaving this board for good -- even though I've been supportive here for 5 years.

Janie

BabyLove · 01-22-2005, 01:44 AM

I am willing to limit my discussion regarding the Identity Release to issues regarding individuals who have utilized donor sperm...I am really not too interested in discussing women and donor egg situations. I am not trying to sound harsh, but I have explored Identity Release as it pertains to donor sperm and really was just being nice by including the women.

Official announcement: This thread pertains to identity release programs as it relates to donor sperm and not donor eggs.

As for any of you who are troubled by this, you have the option of not reading the posts. That's what I do. This is a forum intended for all and we all have First Amendment rights here! Doesn't sound like either of you have used donor sperm, so at this point this thread doesn't pertain to either one of you. So ordered.

p.s. thanks for the link, but it really isn't useful to me b/c I am really want to discuss issues which pertain to donor sperm and not donor eggs. Thanks.

If you have contemplated using a donor or have used a donor and know anything about the Identity release programs, please share.

**BC-KarenS-MI** · 01-22-2005, 08:38 AM

BabyLove,
The topic is the same, regardless of whether or not it's DE or DS that's been used. The topic is still heated. You might want to do a search on this board & you'll find quite a few debates about whether to disclose or not. Yes, it's a free country & we have the right to discuss things, but you've not been around for some of the cruel, heartless things that have been said to others here when their opinion differs from anothers.

Threads have ended up being pulled due to inconsiderate words to others who don't agree with others. Sad, but true.

Karen

**BC-MAV** · 01-22-2005, 12:12 PM

Even though we have never used donor sperm, and we have a pregnancy through donor egg, I thought BOTH were "donor gametes" and have the same issues?

Kylie · 01-22-2005, 09:26 PM

Our sperm donor is totally anonymous and I'm glad about that. But this won't be a secret from our children. I never thought to find a donor who we could contact in the future. Not my cup of tea. There, now you have some thoughts from someone else on the subject

.

Kylie · 01-22-2005, 09:27 PM

If anyone is worried about a heated debate then just play nice or don't reply! It's quite simple!

Kylie · 01-23-2005, 05:05 AM

I wanted to add that just because everyone here doesn't agree about disclosing or identity release programs it doesn't mean we should stop discussing it. That is the point, to give others more food for thought when they are trying to make that decision. I don't remember seeing anyone else bash another member for having a different opinion? I don't try to push my beliefs on anyone else, I just say what I personally think about it.

BabyLove · 01-26-2005, 09:48 PM

Hi Kylie!

Just wanted to thank you for your reply. Out of courtesy to others I was not going to post, but I am with you.

Although I have to say that I value anything Karen has to say. She has been extremely helpful to me and many others, so that is why I have just let the topic die.

However, I wouldn't mind discussing things privately.

I had no idea what kind of can of worms I was opening when I posted this thread.

If you are interested in chatting, please let me know!

01-30-2005, 07:34 AM

Babylove, the tell/don't tell controversy is a little like the abortion debate. People have strong feelings about their personal choice on the matter.

If you still need more feedback than you get here, I recommend that you go to a board where people have already had children with donor sperm, both with and without knowing who the donor is. The donorsiblingregistry group at yahoo is one place. I am sure there are others. Some of the other boards here at Fertilethoughts might have input, too.

Keep asking your questions, sweety!

I agree with you...if people don't like the topic of the post they should just not open it and read it.

Jen L.

01-21-2005, 04:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
BabyLove Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 61	The Truth About Identity Release Programs Hi Everyone! I have participating in an on-going thread regarding the pros and cons of identity release programs. I don't know if these identity release programs are available for women going through IVF with DE's...are they? Well, I am only familiar with the sperm donor aspect, but I would be interested in exploring the issues of to tell or not to tell and identity release with other women and men. I have been advised that identity release should be the option when going the sperm donor route. I would like to explore the pros and cons with everyone..... Please feel free to pitch in!

01-22-2005, 08:38 AM	#4 (permalink)
BC-KarenS-MI Board Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Michigan Posts: 28,043	BabyLove, The topic is the same, regardless of whether or not it's DE or DS that's been used. The topic is still heated. You might want to do a search on this board & you'll find quite a few debates about whether to disclose or not. Yes, it's a free country & we have the right to discuss things, but you've not been around for some of the cruel, heartless things that have been said to others here when their opinion differs from anothers. Threads have ended up being pulled due to inconsiderate words to others who don't agree with others. Sad, but true. Karen __________________ ttc #1 for 7 1/2 years ~ IVF #1, 6-93, cancelled; IVF#2/rescue ICSI- 7-99, failed ~(switched RE's) ZIFT/ICSI- 1-00, successful w/twins, lost 1 at 8w ~ ZIFT/ICSI #2, to try for #2- March '03- successful ~ GS- IVF #1, 7-05 failed. FET 10-05- BFP, m/c 5w5d

01-22-2005, 09:26 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kylie 10000-15000 post ace of hearts Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Almost There Posts: 17,950 Blog Entries: 396	Our sperm donor is totally anonymous and I'm glad about that. But this won't be a secret from our children. I never thought to find a donor who we could contact in the future. Not my cup of tea. There, now you have some thoughts from someone else on the subject . Last edited by Kylie; 01-22-2005 at 09:28 PM.

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01-21-2005, 06:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
Janie-OR Registered User Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 760	This question gets posed a lot and always generates emotional and combative responses. Any way possible that you could ask people to email you or PM you? And if everyone chooses to jump all over me for this request, then I'm leaving this board for good -- even though I've been supportive here for 5 years. Janie

01-22-2005, 01:44 AM	#3 (permalink)
BabyLove Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 61	I am willing to limit my discussion regarding the Identity Release to issues regarding individuals who have utilized donor sperm...I am really not too interested in discussing women and donor egg situations. I am not trying to sound harsh, but I have explored Identity Release as it pertains to donor sperm and really was just being nice by including the women. Official announcement: This thread pertains to identity release programs as it relates to donor sperm and not donor eggs. As for any of you who are troubled by this, you have the option of not reading the posts. That's what I do. This is a forum intended for all and we all have First Amendment rights here! Doesn't sound like either of you have used donor sperm, so at this point this thread doesn't pertain to either one of you. So ordered. p.s. thanks for the link, but it really isn't useful to me b/c I am really want to discuss issues which pertain to donor sperm and not donor eggs. Thanks. If you have contemplated using a donor or have used a donor and know anything about the Identity release programs, please share.

01-22-2005, 12:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
BC-MAV Board Coordinator for Surrogacy BB Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: way down yonder ... Posts: 29,651 Blog Entries: 50	Even though we have never used donor sperm, and we have a pregnancy through donor egg, I thought BOTH were "donor gametes" and have the same issues?

01-22-2005, 09:27 PM	#7 (permalink)
Kylie 10000-15000 post ace of hearts Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Almost There Posts: 17,950 Blog Entries: 396	If anyone is worried about a heated debate then just play nice or don't reply! It's quite simple!

01-23-2005, 05:05 AM	#8 (permalink)
Kylie 10000-15000 post ace of hearts Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Almost There Posts: 17,950 Blog Entries: 396	I wanted to add that just because everyone here doesn't agree about disclosing or identity release programs it doesn't mean we should stop discussing it. That is the point, to give others more food for thought when they are trying to make that decision. I don't remember seeing anyone else bash another member for having a different opinion? I don't try to push my beliefs on anyone else, I just say what I personally think about it.

01-26-2005, 09:48 PM	#9 (permalink)
BabyLove Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 61	Hi Kylie! Just wanted to thank you for your reply. Out of courtesy to others I was not going to post, but I am with you. Although I have to say that I value anything Karen has to say. She has been extremely helpful to me and many others, so that is why I have just let the topic die. However, I wouldn't mind discussing things privately. I had no idea what kind of can of worms I was opening when I posted this thread. If you are interested in chatting, please let me know!

01-30-2005, 07:34 AM	#10 (permalink)
nathanzmom Guest Posts: n/a	Babylove, the tell/don't tell controversy is a little like the abortion debate. People have strong feelings about their personal choice on the matter. If you still need more feedback than you get here, I recommend that you go to a board where people have already had children with donor sperm, both with and without knowing who the donor is. The donorsiblingregistry group at yahoo is one place. I am sure there are others. Some of the other boards here at Fertilethoughts might have input, too. Keep asking your questions, sweety! I agree with you...if people don't like the topic of the post they should just not open it and read it. Jen L.