Looking to make friends with people in my situation....

[flicka7]

I'm sorry that you're so young and having to go through this. Even at my age, I know a couple of people who aren't sensitive to infertility issues. But for the most part, most of my friends have been through treatment themselves or have other friends who have been throught it. So, they have a lot of compassion for me.

It doesn't make it any easier, but it helps to have a friendly unbiased ear. It's great to have friends and family around me who sincerely want me to have a family, no matter how I get there!!!

You definetely will know who your friends are by going through this journey. It has strengthened some of my friendships and strained others. That's OK though. I want to know who's really there for me! It's turned out that those are the people who've needed me too and I'm happy to be there for them, even if it involves their baby. It doesn't hurt as much when you know that they really care about you.

Good Luck!

[g4ranny]

Please know that you are not alone and we are all here to help you through this difficult time. My heart aches for you. I found alot of support here on the message boards and through www.resolve.org - a great place for information! I went to the resolve website when we first learned that my husband is sterile. I can not say how wonderful reading there published book - Resolving Infertility was for me. It gives you advice, workup records, and suggest test that need to be taken. It helped me tons on coping and feeling confident about my doctors. Please check it out.

Much Love
Jennifer

[babyhopes2005]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Chris - I wanted to let you know that we made our decision to do DH verses adoption (for now, because eventually we want to adopt in addition to DE) because it would allow me the experience of both carrying a child and having a baby that was genetically my husband's. Although I know that there are some less appealing parts (think strecth marks and morning sickness), for me the nurturing of a life inside of you and the associated bonding is a miracle that I want to experience.
Johanna

[cmath72]

Thank you everyone for your wonderful responses! It really does help to know others understand and care.

[SandiLI]

I feel your pain, I too have been there! Infertility is hard to accept and it can hit you at the strangest times. Thank God for Sciene and Technology which has allowed many of us to benefit from it.

I was diag. at 16 with premature ovarian failure. I was told that my ovaries had no activity and that I could not have children. They were right with the fact I could not have my own biological child, but I did go through donor IVF and I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old son.

I was blessed to have my older sister offer to be our egg donor. We went through our 1st attempt in June of 01, no luck. We tried again in Oct. of 01 and we were blessed. He looks like my husband and also has many similarities of my side of the family. I feel even more love for him because he was created for us and is a miracle child.

We tried again in Oct. of 03, no luck. We are in the process of IVF #4. We are being blessed again! I have a younger sister who has offered to be our donor. She is 32 and has two children of her own. This will be her 1st time as a donor. She is very excited and willing to try after seeing success with our older sister. My older sister will be 40 this year and due to her age she cannot be our donor again. I cannot ask for more than to have my family gene and to have two wonderful sisters who offer life for us.

I wish you peace in your soul as you make choices for your future family. It can be very challenging, stay strong and know there is hope and life after infertility.

[cmath72]

Thanks for the response! How wonderful that you have one child and one on the way through donor IVF! Just out of curiousity, is it strange having the donor be your sister or even someone you know? Unfortunately, I don't have any sisters young enough to be a donor for me, but my SIL's sister has offered. DH thought we should go with that her, but I am leaning more toward an anonymous donor. I just fear that she will want to be more involved in our lives then she currently is and that we would owe her something. Maybe I am being selfish, but I just know how this particular individual can be. It's wonderful that she offered, but I don't want her to think she has some kind of claim on our child. Just curious what experience others have had with this.

Chris

[SandiLI]

Actually, we don't have one on the way yet...Hopefully in a few months we will get lucky!!!

I understand your concerns, most people ask the same things. I have a wonderul relationship with my sisters. We all talked about IVF for years and when the time came, it seemed to go very smooth. We are all very open about our feelings and talk freely with each other.

My older sister has been great. She is like my twin, she feels my pain and emotions. She always said from the start this is your child and all I'm doing is donating tissue to get you started. The baby will grow in you and you will give birth to your child. My sister has given great support along the way. The relationship between her and my son is no different than any of his other aunts, except she has a stronger connection. We plan to tell our son along with my sisters children, how much we prayed for him and how special he is to be here in all our lives.

Now with the new procedure approching us, my younger sister is getting prepared. She knows first hand what we all went through with the prior IVF's. She is also very supportive and is willing to go through the process. I can only tell her what she may feel as far as emotions go. Every person is different, I too worried/worry about the fellings of, will I feel like I owe this person for the rest of my life. I think I will always feel a sense of appreciation and never giving back enough. I think it harder knowing the person in that aspect but for me it far out weighed the thoughts of a stranger.

I hope this may have answered some questions, I know I'm all over the map with my thoughts. I feel very strong about what my sister did for us and now the hope of having it happen again is awesome.

[cmath72]

I'm sorry, Sandy! I misread your message and thought you said you had one on the way. How wonderful of your younger sister to agree to donate for you to have another child! I wish you the best in your next attempt.

Chris

[SandiLI]

Thank you so much Chris!!!

[suz39]

Dear Babyhopes,

This is my first posting to fertilethoughts. Your story reached out to me. I am very sorry to hear your news and situation. Infertility is a heartwrenching experience, and very hard to explain to anyone not going through it. There are those family and friends who understand or take the time to understand, but many others who may not.

The good news is that there is a warm and welcoming community to offer you the support you need. I've found the people to be amazing. The turning point for me was 9 months ago - my husband and I joined Resolve and a Couples Infertility Support Group. It helped us tremendously – we became part of a supportive community instead struggling with all the issues ourselves.

I am now hosting an infertility peer group in my home, to help women realize that they are not alone. I also have weekly dinners with several of the women I've met in that group. I don't know where you live, but I would encourage you to look into a support group in your area. You'll be amazed how many women are experiencing similar issues that will be able to relate to yours.

My journey - 4 Chlomid cycles, 7 IUIs and one IVF. We may try another IVF if i can develop 5 eggs (i'm unexplained/low responder). I am actively researching DE as well, and trying to get to the place to make that move.

Please feel free to write me back!
Take care,
Suzanne