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  1. #1
    luminescent
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    How to even begin with the process of finding donor eggs?

    If you don't mind sharing your experience, what are the steps to pursuing egg donation? At some point, I'll talk to my doctor, but right now in thinking about it, I don't know where to begin. Literally.

    I've found that there seem to be many, many options available for finding an egg donor. Some seem crassly commercial; others seem almost secretive. The costs vary widely. Where do we even begin?

    I've looked at postings online from potential egg donors. This was a very weird experience for me. What am I looking for? Someone who looks like me? Someone who is "like" me? Someone I like? Someone both I and my husband agree on? How did you approach this process?

    Thank-you for whatever comments you may have. It's such a strange place to be. I appreciate any feedback from people who have successfully navigated this process.
    Last edited by luminescent; 02-27-2013 at 05:32 PM.
    Age 42, TTC since 1/09.
    Gluten intolerant & fibromyalgia; in remission.

    IVF#1, 6/11: 23 eggs (with OHSS); 10 inseminated/12 ICSIed; 2 embies@5 days; BFN

    IVF#2, 1/12: 16 eggs; 12 ICSIed; 2 embies@5 days; BFN

    IVF#3, 11/12: 11 eggs; 8 ICSIed; 1/2 6-day embies=normal (PGD); BFP but chemical

    IVF#4, 2/13: 9 eggs; 7 ICSIed; 1 6-day embie=not normal (PGD); the end


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  3. #2
    SC-Medicmedic
    I think it is finally spring!
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    Hey lumi- you and I are on the multiple board together. Looking for a donor is a really personal choice. Some people look for a donor that looks like them, which could be very important if you do not plan to reveal to your family that you used an egg donor. Some people look for a specific nationality, like me, I am more interested in some of the features I have noted are a trend among German families. But, I am not set on having a German donor, and the donor does not have to be all German. Some are interested in having a smart and pretty donor, regardless of what the biological mother looks like. So, think of what is most important to you. What would you want to pass on to your child if you had the chance to potentially pick out some traits? Now, also keep in mind that your partner may have genes that completely overrun the donors genes. For example, you find the perfect delicate facial features of a female donor that would be passed on and if your husband were to have a beak of a nose, you could find that is the stronger of the genes.

    My story is that I have children from a previous relationship. I have a child that is as ghostly pale as this page is white, with hair and eyebrows that almost fade into her skin. She is a beautiful girl. She can't tan to save her life, she is whip smart and very serious about life. I have two others, they are both dark hair and nearly black eyes. They look like the color of burnt toast in the summer with a tan, but both are whip smart. One set of genes was stronger than the other two apparently. Seated next to each other they have similar facial structure, but you wouldn't know they were siblings. They all have similar German facial features, which is why I am looking for someone with some German background. But, as my oldest said, we don't have a redhead... she asked me to find a redheaded donor so she could have a redheaded sibling. :-)
    Me- 41 Secondary Infertility, Hydrosalpinx, DH- 26 No known defects
    My Own Eggs- IVF 10/12 BFN, IVF 12/12 BFN, FET 1/13 BFN, IVF 2/13 BFN
    Donor Eggs- IVF 4/13 Frozen Eggs BFN, IVF 7/13 Fresh Donor eSet BFN, FET 8/13 BFN; FET eSET 10/13 BFN; FET of 2 11/13 BFP, first beta 304, second 1106, third 10246 (5w4d pg) u/s shows ONE bean!

    My blog - Normal People Don't Talk About This


  4. #3
    Maralist
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    Hi luminescent,

    yes, this process can be very challenging, but at least we have all these options to look into. DE is still illegal in many countries.

    You have to decide whether you'd like to go with a known donor, such as a friend of family member or not. Many clinics have their own pool of donors that they screen. Some clinics will only disclose the donor's medical history, age, some physical features, and that's pretty much it. Others will also have photos and even videos you can request. For some people it's easier to not see the pictures of donors, others prefer to learn as much as they can.

    I treated at a clinic that had a great pool of donors, I was able to get online and look through their profiles (most had photos posted already). The clinic does a very thorough screening and only accepts about 3% of those who apply. For me, the most important thing was no history of ANY serious illnesses in the family. 2nd was someone who looks at least a little bit like me. 3rd - background, not necessarily religious, but cultural. And finally 4th - that they are not a total idiot. I could tell a lot from the first few seconds of their videos or reading about what they do for a living or what they are studying or not studying..

    Some will say that age is important, but many who are in their early 20s produce a lot less eggs than those in their late 20s. I also found it helpful to ask if they donated before and how many eggs they produced. I also asked if the two women she donated for before me actually got pregnant, which they did.

    If I can help you with any other question, feel free to PM me. Hope this helps a little.
    wishing you best of luck!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by luminescent View Post
    If you don't mind sharing your experience, what are the steps to pursuing egg donation? At some point, I'll talk to my doctor, but right now in thinking about it, I don't know where to begin. Literally.

    I've found that there seem to be many, many options available for finding an egg donor. Some seem crassly commercial; others seem almost secretive. The costs vary widely. Where do we even begin?

    I've looked at postings online from potential egg donors. This was a very weird experience for me. What am I looking for? Someone who looks like me? Someone who is "like" me? Someone I like? Someone both I and my husband agree on? How did you approach this process?

    Thank-you for whatever comments you may have. It's such a strange place to be. I appreciate any feedback from people who have successfully navigated this process.


  5. #4
    sfwife71
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    Hi Luminescent - hope you don't mind my barging in here...about 2 years ago I was where you are now, knowing that donor egg was my best option but not having a clue where to begin. I started with the SART website looking for clinics with good success rates, then went to websites, made a few calls/emails to get prices etc. I also knew that I wanted to use an anonymous donor. Then I started googling and came upon fertile thoughts. It was a life saver for me. Here I learned about frozen eggs/banks and RBA. With my work schedule and the issues surrounding using a fresh donor I decided that using frozen eggs would make a stressful situation a little less so as it could be planned around my schedule. However not all clinics offer this and some don't have the best success rates. Once I decided to use RBA and got access to the donor pool I was so overwhelmed and underwhelmed with the choices. My DH has a strong history of diabetes/ heart disease in his family so in good faith I had to eliminate those donors who had those illnesses in their family. Of course that eliminated a lot of donors. Secondly I wanted someone that resembled me, maybe curly hair with a European background, in the healthcare profession, but I could not find that mini me. I picked one donor then 2 weeks later switched to a different one. I ended up with someone who had similar height/weight/coloring and with an excellent health history. Oh and she was a proven donor. I obsessed over this decision for weeks!!! and it was probably the most stressful part of the whole thing for me. My point to all of this...fast forward to today, I have an amazing 14 month old daughter who is the love of my life and you know what? It doesn't really matter to me anymore that my donor didn't have curly hair, a love of ethnic food,travel etc. Hindsight is 20/20, but if I could go back I would really try to not worry so much about my donor selection. Good luck!
    Me: 45, DOR, fibroids
    DH: 41 low morphology & motility but lots of it!
    4 natural pregnancies: 4
    8/12/10- Robotic Myomectomy
    4/13 - transfer of 2 blasts @ RBA
    12/9/2011 - healthy baby girl!
    5/21/2013 - FET(our 1&only frostie)
    5/30-beta#1-163
    6/3 -beta#2 -1553
    6/6 -beta#3 - 5474
    6/19- U/S 7wks, measured 6wks, 5days, 125-!!!


  6. #5
    luminescent
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    Thanks everyone for all your comments! This is really helpful. I hadn't even thought of some of these variables for donors, particularly medical history. Medic, your question of "what kinds of genes do I want passed along to my child?" was particularly helpful. I do have ideas about that, based on what I think I could offer genetically to a child. So, progress ...
    Age 42, TTC since 1/09.
    Gluten intolerant & fibromyalgia; in remission.

    IVF#1, 6/11: 23 eggs (with OHSS); 10 inseminated/12 ICSIed; 2 embies@5 days; BFN

    IVF#2, 1/12: 16 eggs; 12 ICSIed; 2 embies@5 days; BFN

    IVF#3, 11/12: 11 eggs; 8 ICSIed; 1/2 6-day embies=normal (PGD); BFP but chemical

    IVF#4, 2/13: 9 eggs; 7 ICSIed; 1 6-day embie=not normal (PGD); the end


  7. #6
    KittyGal
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    I would love to help you find a great egg donor location. There are many good ones throughout the country. Please email me at kathe@fertilityauthority.com to answer any additional questions for you.


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