Open Adoption w/Spence Chapin

[Fertility Queen]

Hi everyone, was wondering if anyone has done an open adoption? When I hear 'matched' I think it's via agency placement but unsure. Just checking for other experiences. I'm in agony of course Thanks!

[BC-lisa in venice]

One of our adoptions was open from the start/match, one opened 13 years after placement and one that started out open that closed almost immediately (we are tracking down birth mom now 8 years later). Open from the start is MUCH easier. What would you like to know? Spence is one of the oldest, most ethical and most up to date with good practices in the adoption world. If anyone would do openness right, it would be them. With open adoptions it really comes down to the education and support that you get from the agency so that all you have to worry about is building a relationship with the birth family and not the logistics of the adoption.

[Fertility Queen]

Thanks for answering! Sadly the adopt threads not as active. Thanks also. Im with Spence now- waiting. Rarely do they get pg birthmoms and the first 2 interested in me were both pg. #1 chose another family, 2nd chose me but decided to parent when baby was born. That hurt so much! Renewed mc feelings for me my SW tells me don't worry it WILL happen. I appreciate her encouragement. I've gotten awesome couseling from them thus far. Im in counseling field n know making promises are a no-no. So for her n my last SW (resigned) to tell me same gives me great hope. Just hard not to think how I feel like such an anomaly n wonder if I'll ever be blessed w my baby.

[BC-lisa in venice]

Are you doing any of your own advertising? I have found that the most sophisticated birth parents are not relying on agencies to help them find families, they are searching on their own. That was really beginning to be true 13 years ago when we were matched with Sam and I can only imagine that it is even more so now. Has Spence helped you with a web site? Are you looking in the entire tri state area? Oh and don't forget PA with it's higher birthrate. I would be temped to go as far as OH. BTW our youngest cam from OH and when we lived in RI we had several public agencies send us info on situations there.

[Fertility Queen]

Wow- I'm totally not hip to the advertising part. Where wud I start? Please share. I'm open to doing it! We're your children infants?

[BC-lisa in venice]

In our agency adoptions we had our home study be circulated to outside agencies both public and private. Public agencies require a foster care license now but at the time (23 and 21 years ago) it was not required yet since foster/adopt was still new and agencies regularly shared home studies if they didn't have matches within the agency, now you have to ask them to send it out. That is the best form of advertising because SW tend to have relationships across agencies and find out about situations all of the time. Also another agency sees you as a cheap resource in that they don't have to train, counsel or home study you so it can be a win-win. You can also advertise in newspapers and online. Newspaper ads are not legal in many states so check that out first. I live in CA and it is absolutely not legal here but no one has made a stink about online advertising which costs a fraction of the price of newspapers and seems to be more effective. Social networking I hear is the most effective because it is not only free but it allows all of your friends and acquaintances to help get the word out. Our younger two kids came to us by networking online. This was before FB it was just emailing and setting up a website. I am sure if you searched you would find several sites that host Dear Birth Mother letters and adoptive parent web sites.

Also NY State allows Attorneys to help you search but I believe you need to still go thru the agency. I would set up a meeting with your SW and tell them that you are ready to be more proactive in your search and ask for suggestions. "The Idiot's Guide to Adoption" has state by state adoption statutes of what is legal in advertising, searching whether you can pay expenses, what the revocation periods are and the different statuses of birth fathers, so the library might be a place to start.

[Fertility Queen]

Wow thanks so much. I wonder why they didn't share that. Another open house I went to last year suggested to another lady that she advertise but that was based on wanting a white baby only. I'm black. They've all said shortage of black ff moms n bm are are asking for black ff moms. So wonder if they don't think it wud be long for me. Said there are about 3 other black waiting fams out of 33. I'll still look into advertising. Thank you again!

[BC-lisa in venice]

I'm black and my dh and I were only looking for black or biracial kids but I was not content to wait for an agency match. The first time around we got one fairly quickly (home study done in July matched in August, fell thru than matched and placed with same baby in Oct.) but the second time around the match was thru another agency that had gotten our home study from our agency. The next two kids we found thru networking, # 3 was on this bb and # 4 I set up a website and spammed every adoption Attorney west of the Ohio River.

The advantage that you have is that you can piggyback on other people's advertising. A lot people looking to adopt will ONLY consider HWI and they will spend a fortune on advertising. Birth moms carrying minority babies still call the Attorneys or agencies. Attorneys only get paid when they have a client who does an adoption, having a birth mom call and not having a client to adopt the baby is a problem. We said that we would consider situations that they didn't have matches for. In the months we looked we got over 50 leads, 12 credible ones, 6 that we pursued and our youngest was born and placed less than three months from spamming the first Attorney.

[Fertility Queen]

Wow thanks so much. I wonder why they didn't share that. Another open house I went to last year suggested to another lady that she advertise but that was based on wanting a white baby only. I'm black. They've all said shortage of black ff moms n bm are are asking for black ff moms. So wonder if they don't think it wud be long for me. Said there are about 3 other black waiting fams out of 33. I'll still look into advertising. Thank you again!

[Fertility Queen]

Not sure y this posted again. Dumb iPhone...