Possible adoption failing after 4 1/2 months

[ELizard]

Hi, I haven't posted here for a while. We adopted our daughter, domestically 4 1/2 months ago. Birthmom gave a fake name and identifying information for the birthfather, and it was published like that in the newspapers. Obvisiously nobody came forward, and it was a secret pregnancy throughout from her parents, everyone. We were there for the birth, I cut her cord, we have had a "really good" open adoption up until 1 month ago, when I received a phone call, that a "birthfather" has come forward to claim our child. Long story short, he had a one night stand with the birthmother, they are cousins through marriage, live in a small town, and he wants to do the right thing by claiming him. To make matters worse, the birthmother parents want Bethany (our little girl), and they are blackmailing the birthfather to claim paternity, get her back, and then let them adopt her. Beware this is a soap opera. So, right now we are having to hire an attorney, (at $250 an hour), fight for our little girl, and the agency says they will be cooperative with us, but won't take sides. Did I mention birthmom is mentally ill, as well as her family, abusive and alcoholics. Birthdad have 5 children already, a few he doesn't claim, and a wife that he cheated on with a child on the way. We are living day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, wanting to runaway and take our little girl with us. But instead we are mixed up in the mess, trying to save our little girl. Any ideas on how to live another possible 2 weeks to 6 months like this. Bethany has to take a DNA test tomorrow to determine if this guy is even the "real deal", or if there will be more after him to come forward. Enough rabbling, any support would be great..... Thanks... Kimberly

[KellyAR]

This is so sad for you and your family. I'm sick about this for you. I don't have any advice, just wanted to offer my support.
Kelly

[Blessed Mama]

What state are you in?

[marg]

Is your adoption final?

I'm confused by the agency's response that they won't take sides particularly if you aren't final. Did they know the name she provided was fake? Is this usual for them to not be involved legally if an adoption they made is contested? I honestly don't know. As many of you know we had a contested adoption and our agency's attorney spent close to a year fighting for us, including going to court.

[sue in CA]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you have a great attorney who can see you through this mess and a judge who realizes that it is in the best interest of your son to remain with you, his parents.

[RedbirdJ]

Liz, I am so sorry you are going through this. I am glad you posted for support, we are here!!!

I assume that the lawyer you have hired comes with high recommendation---make sure you have a good one for this with lots of adoption experience.

I wish we could better support you but we will "hold your cyber hand" for as long as you need it!

[mdvmd]

no advice, just ((((((((((hugs))))))))) to you and your family.

[ELizard]

I'm not sure how to edit this.... to change those things.... any help would be great! I'm in a midwestern state.... no not final yet....I guess this is the adoption agencies normal practice because if he is the birthfather and hasn't terminated his rights yet, they probably think it is to difficult, long, expensive etc. to fight it. I am a mess!!!!! I haven't been eating very well, sleeping very well, functioning at bare minimum, etc. But it feels good to post here and have people that REALLY know what we are going through with adopting our children, rather then the "i'm so sorry, generic , kind responses" I have been receiving. Not that those aren't nice as well, but....

Thanks for the support!

[nychris]

just going to walk you through an edit...After you post, in the bottom corner you will see 2 boxes--one edit and one quote. Click on edit, when that page comes up, scroll down to the box and add or delete as you wish. When you finish typing, scroll down to the bottom and click save changes.

Wish there was something else I could do but for now, change your identifying info. Will be thinking of you.
Chris

[ELizard]

We are in Nebraska