feeling like a failure! :(

[Kallypso]

I can't stop feeling like I'm a complete and utter failure!! Lucas has been home for 3 nights and we've done good... but I've been unable to do much in the way of laundry, cooking, cleaning... showering... eating... even letting the dog out or remembering to make sure he's got water or food...
Lucas doesn't require much, but he does require it often... feeding, cleaning, changing, holding... and I love doing it, don't get me wrong. I'm just wondering when I'm supposed to have the time to do the rest of the stuff!!!!

We made it to the pediatrician on Monday but I was terrified!!!!! His head kept flopping oddly in his car seat, it was cold outside, I didn't like the staff in the pediatrician's office (liked the dr though), and I was so tired I couldn't remember where my keys were, lost my debit card somewhere... and when I got home realised that the ice cream I was hunting for in the freezer was actually in the cabinet on top of the dinner plates. S.I.G.H. No idea when I put it there.

Oh. And my former success with pumping has decreased DRAMATICALLY! I'm so happy I was freezing so much of it when he was in the NICU because I'm barely getting enough now for one feeding whereas before I was getting enough for at least 3 feedings each time I pumped.

I know that other women cope on their own without a partner, but dangit right now I REALLY do wish I had a partner helping me and that he hadn't been a turd who ran screaming when I was 5 weeks pregnant. I have no family near me, my friends are pretty far away and also busy with their own families and with their jobs.
It's pretty isolating being home alone all day and all night with an infant, even though he's so sweet and cute.

I feel like a bad mommy.

[Jacksmomi]

Barge from October

Don't feel like a failure!!! You sound just like me!!! I had to laugh at your post because it sounds like my day! Newborns can be so overwhelming. I know my son cries ALL THE TIME and at the end of the day I feel like a horrible mother. I can't ever figure out what is wrong with him, we are constantly at the Dr.s, and the rest of my house has gone down hilll. Add a two year old and a husband that is NO help with the baby. Good grief... it just gets to be exhausting!
All I can tell you is take one day at a time. And don't be too hard on yourself. You are accomplished a HUGE thing by yourself. Maybe you could go visit family to have some help?
I admire you for doing this on your own. It will be well worth it... one day you will look at that little boy and be so filled with pride

[about2bmom3]

Kally sweetie, you are NOT a failure...you are a new first time mommy when i had DD my DH started his new job (same one he has now) and was NEVER home, always traveling....you sound just like i did. I think i wore the same clothes for 3 days straight because i couldnt get to the laundry..it gets easier i promise! this time around i am juggling my DD and 2 newborns, and let me just say, my fridge is EMPTY, dog looks like she is maybe starving, (did i feed her??) and i have a permanant crease in my hair from the pony tail holder that has been there for days BUT my boys are happy, fed, dry, and healthy and DD seems no worse for the wear. try to take it one minute at a time. Your little guy is the most important thing right now, but you are important too. Enjoy the feeding, holding, and changing because before you know it, he will be off to kindergarden and you will be begging to get a hug from him LOL =) you are doing an amazing job- keep it up!

Amy-28 DH-27
hx PCOS
DD 06/06/03 clomid baby
1st IUI 04/08 BFP!!! fraternal boys!
Jack and Nathan born December 18th
6lbs 4oz and 5lbs 2 oz

[BC-Sherb]

**barge from August**

You are definitely not a terrible mommy. The first few months are chaotic for 2 parents, let alone 1. You take care of your baby first (which you've been doing) and the other stuff will get done when you have time. Don't beat yourself up about it. It will get easier and better, I promise. As long as he is fed, warm and happy and you are fed, warm and happy, that's all that matters at this point.

Have you tried a sling or carrier through the day? I had to do that with Kyle to get some things done because my DH is a police officer and works crazy crazy hours, so, I'm pretty much on my own most of the time. I used the carrier and put Kyle in it to do a few things around the house and he would just fall asleep. Think about it. It might just give you a few extra minutes to do a few things if you feel like it BUT remember to just rest and nap when he naps. You don't need to be tired.

[yelhsalehcar]

*barge from October/November*

oh darling, you are NOT a bad mommy! You are a tired, sleep deprived mommy and that is so completely normal. Don't worry about the house work, it will get done evenutally. It doesn't matter if your dishes are washed or your house is clean. All that matters now is that your baby is taken care of, and that you get some rest. When the boys first came home I felt like I was doing good if I took a shower, changed my clothes and brushed my teeth at least once a week. The first weeks will feel like one LOOONNNGGGG day, but after a few weeks you will find a routine and schedule. Just try and sleep when L does, its hard and I'm still not successful at it but I attempt to. It will save your sanity.

[Dawnttc]

As the other's said, you are NOT a failure! It's HARD in the beginning and since you're doing this alone it's even harder. Plus you're dealing with the hormone crash, which is so very difficult.

As for pumping there are ways to get your supply up. The best way is to go out and buy Fenugreek (you can buy at GNC among other places). It really DOES work. You'll smell like maple syrup but your milk supply will go up. Also, eat oatmeal for breakfast each day. And be sure that while pumping you're looking at your baby, thinking hard about your baby, thinking of his cry, etc - all of this will help your body to have a letdown.