Political Correctness during the "Holidays"

[MamaBear]

DH just emailed me this one that was emailed to him from his boss (love how they WORK!!! LOL). I thought it'd be funny to share here since it seems we're always talking PC-ness. Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Ramadan and Happy Winter Solstice to ALL!!!!

MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
RE: Christmas PARTY ON DEC. 23RD
DATE: DEC. 1ST

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit
Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our
CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00
P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no
gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will
be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty


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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees
who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree
present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other type of music for your
enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty


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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is very little for a gift. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving your meal until the end of
the party - the days are so short this time of year - or else package
everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to
sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to
cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats
for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We
cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with
high blood problems to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert
for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

Patty


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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you expect me to do, a
tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of
sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshiping" employees, but we'll try to
accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks. Okay???

Patty


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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up
like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan,"
there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a
tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the
thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.

Could we lighten up? Please????????? Also the company has changed their mind
in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a
notification in the mail sent to your home.


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FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The %#*&^%@*%^Holiday Party

I have no #%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the %#&^!@
do I care...I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your
address now and you are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more changes of address will be
allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have
you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!

Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic
tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now! > HA
!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear
me!!!!!!!!!!!

The ***** from HELL!!!!!!!!


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FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from
her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at
the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!



_____

[AngelaM]

How sadly and humorously true it is though.

[Laurie Jane]

As someone who has arranged company holiday parties - and company parties in general - I know just how she feels!

funny.

LJ

[BC-DKNY]

OMG that's hilarious!!!!!!!

[BC-Lulu_4]

[BC-Tracik]

I love this one... one year our boss sent it to us for our party annoucement, I was in HR before becoming a SAHM. Thanks for the chuckle.

[AngelaM]

I saw this and thought it was appropriate to share in this thread too. This is how Jesus' birth would be reported should it happen today.

INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE
Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother


Bethlehem, Roman-occupied Judea – Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Services personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old
mother, Mary of Nazareth.

During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but was restrained by the police.

Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who claim to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these, who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but
were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest, saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.

The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager of the Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for violating health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in the stable. Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning violations involved
in maintaining livestock in a commercially-zoned district.

The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when Jesus would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service spokesperson said, "The father is middle-aged and the mother definitely underage. We are checking with officials in Nazareth to determine what their legal
relationship is.

Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their departure.

Joseph is being held without bond on charges of molestation, kidnapping, child endangerment, and statutory rape. Mary was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is being
examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God. The director of the psychiatric wing said, "I don't profess to have the right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs adversely affect the safety and well-being of others – in this case her child – we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at
the scene didn't help her case, but I'm confidant that with the proper therapy regimen we can get her back on her feet."

A spokesperson for the governor's office said, "Who knows what was going through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the child was inexcusable, and the involvement of these others frightening. There is much we don't know about this case, but for the sake of the child and the public, you can be assured that we will pursue this matter to the end."

[robine]

Angela..SO true..Very funny but very sad in a way...

[BC-Maura]

I got this forwarded in an email this morning... I have no idea whether it's something that's been going around or not, but it fit here!


"Dear Friends and Co-workers,

As a Member of the Massachusetts Bar Association, I would like to pass along the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice or secular practices of your choice whether you choose to participate in any practices at all and with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice said religious or secular traditions. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of and in use within other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, which neither implies that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor that it is the only “America” in the western hemisphere nor that “America” should even be the used as part of the proper name for the continent entirely situated within the northwestern quadrant of our planet, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:


This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.


This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.



The wishee neither is neither required to acknowledge nor pass along the aforementioned sentiments to anyone of either the wisher or wishee’s choosing, but is licensed to pass along this or similar greetings or sentiments freely without fear of reprisal upon the part of the wisher first party.



See -- this is why I hated law school.



A Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Blissful Ramadan, Wonderful Winter Solstice, Amazing Festivus and Idyllic New Year to all … and to all a good night!


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Maura