One last Schiavo vent....I'm DONE!

[Julester]

Ok, I have no tongue left because I have bitten it right off due to this issue. It is clear to me that many of you are probably happy and relieved that Michael Schiavo actually got his wishes. I am sure that his girlfriend/SO is popping the cork as we speak!

BUT.....this is what I find despicable. The fact that the A$$ would not let her very own parents be in the room with her when she passed. I just hope and pray that one day your son or daughter in law would not do that to any of you as a PARENT. It is disgusting.....I am saddened that there are people out there advocating doing away with incapacitated and disabled people....people who can not communicate for themselves etc. All this talk makes me wonder how insensitive a few people are when talking about they wouldn't want this for themselves or their children (although NO legal or binding agreement was made). For those parents of severely severely handicapped and disabled children who are unable to speak for themselves, how can we be so insensitive to state or have the courts rule that the child/adult needs to be put down....or worse STARVED.

I am not questioning any motives of her parents or that of other parents......we do not walk in their shoes or really know what their life is like. I am only going by my motherly bond that I have with my child.....and I can honestly say that wouldn't have done anything any different than what they did. Criticizing them and making them out to be heathens is just plain wrong.

Michael has moved on with his life--GOOD. Now all I wish is that he would give Terri back to her parents since he is done with her.

Enough said.....I'm DONE!

Julie

[AngelaM]

Originally posted by Julester
BUT.....this is what I find despicable. The fact that the A$$ would not let her very own parents be in the room with her when she passed. I just hope and pray that one day your son or daughter in law would not do that to any of you as a PARENT. It is disgusting.....I am saddened that there are people out there advocating doing away with incapacitated and disabled people....people who can not communicate for themselves etc. All this talk makes me wonder how insensitive a few people are when talking about they wouldn't want this for themselves or their children (although NO legal or binding agreement was made). For those parents of severely severely handicapped and disabled children who are unable to speak for themselves, how can we be so insensitive to state or have the courts rule that the child/adult needs to be put down....or worse STARVED.

First, I have not heard that Michael would not allow her parents to be there. If that is true, I think that was insensitive.

And, I think you are lumping people together by saying "advocating doing away with incapacitated and disabled people." I've not heard anyone say this. Terri was incapacitated, disabled, and severely brain damaged with no hope for recovery.

I hope noone ever took my comments in that I do not ever value life. Or that I would discard incapacitated or disabled individuals simply because of their physical status. This has to be evaluated on a case by case basis. And, based on the wishes of each individual.

What I find troubling is that because many people thought that allowing Terri to die rather than forcibly keeping her alive was considered insensitive and totally disrespectful to all families with members who are disabled in some form or fashion. It's obvious that we will never agree on this subject but in my mind, allowing her to complete the death process was one of the most humane and sensitive things that was done for her in the past 15 years.

As I said in my other post, may her soul finally rest in peace.

[AngelaM]

I saw this on Fox News:

"Unfortunately, just 10 or so minutes before she died we were told we had to leave the room because there would be an assessment of her condition and because her husband Michael wanted to be in the room," said Father Frank Pavone, national director of Priests for Life (search).

Pavone said Michael Schiavo outright rejected the Schindler family's request to be with Terri Schiavo in her final moments.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,152032,00.html

Now, can someone tell me who gave Michael the crystal ball that told him that at that very moment that he asked them to leave the room so that an assessment could be done that Terri would die?

It almost sounds as if the Schindlers didn't want Michael in the room with them at the same time since it says he "wanted to be in the room" when the assessment was done but then it says Michael denied their request.

Again, who knows what really transpired as none of us will ever know the full details.

[Julester]

Well I would put more weight in what the Priest said transpired, being that he was actually there.

And I would imagine the Schindlers wouldn't want to be in a same room with Michael being that they are on opposite views on the issue. I certainly wouldn't want my daughter's husband in the room with me knowing that he is advocating her death while they are desperately trying to save it. There was enough stress as it is. He should have just gone in said "buh bye" and let the Schindlers be there with her or had the Schindlers in there when the time was near.

Julie

[AngelaM]

So, the question is "Would her parents have allowed Michael to be in the room at the same time as them?" That's the part that I'm not seeing yet.

I see nothing wrong with Michael wanting to see what the status of his wife was. And, if the Schindlers would not allow him to be in the room with him, it only stands to reason, someone had to step out for that moment.

[FlaMom]

barge, sorry.

do the Schindlers have a website? my mom wants to contact them.

thanks for any info!

[Maddy00]

Julester I'm with Angela on this one. Two things really jump out at me from your post.

I completely understand what you're saying, but you left out one important (and I feel the most important). Terri's OWN wishes! It is just my opinion but I feel that her parents were motivated by what THEY wanted and by their GUESS at what she wanted, while her husband was motivated by Terri's wishes. As a parent, no matter how difficult it might be, if those were Matthew's wishes, I would abide by them. I will do the same for my husband (for my sister, for my parents, etc...). I don't feel that is the time MY wishes and desires take precedence over the one who is in a PVS. For discussion's sake I'm saying all that with the understanding that I know their wishes. I said it before and I'll say it again, the ONLY thing that makes Michael Shiavo's behavior rational is that the he was following through with Terri's wishes. It's the only thing that fits!

Secondly, as sad and horrible I feel for her parents at not being there at the end, I agree with Angela. I'm sure he had no idea she was going right then. I mean really...she's been holding on for so long. It's not as if he popped in and said "she's nearing the end, you all get out". I think any characterization that differs from that scenario is probably not as likely.

Lastly, I am one of the ones that believes her husband was acting on her behalf and that the parents went way too far for way too long and for the wrong reasons. But please remember that although you and I are on opposite sides of this issue, it's unfair to claim that me and others like me are ready to "do away with incapacitated people". I mean really! Knocking off all of the developmentally diabled people and letting someone in a PVS have the right to live and die the way THEY wanted are two separate issues and I think it's only fair that you keep them that way.

[Julester]

Sorry Maddy, but I have to take issue on what Terri's wishes actually were....the fact is that you and I don't really know. It is Michael's word against a person who could not communicate. Also, it took him sooooo long to FINALLY come out and say that was what her wishes were. That to me is suspect.....being the case, I don't feel that he had a right to act as her "voice" when there was no documentation.....now are we just supposed to be taking the word of people.

People who are in a supposed "PVS" state and are unable to communicate their wishes....are you telling me that it is the right for the husband/wife/mother/father to determine that they should be taken off of a feeding tube even if they have no formal documentation indicating such wishes of the patient? They are playing GOD and I have a BIG problem with it.

Now I have stated over and over that if there was an actual Living Will and these were indeed her wishes (I wouldn't like it) but would honor it. It is just acting on what people "think" the patient would want that is horrendous. Not to mention, that people say all sorts of things like that and then when push comes to shove, they change their minds....as everyone has a right to do so.

I don't think her parents went way too far at all and if trying to save your child is a wrong reason.....well that just blows me away! My daughter should sleep well knowing that I would move heaven and earth to help and save her. If anything good has come out of this tragedy....to me....it is that we are actually talking about it. I value life now more than ever and realize how passionate I am about it. This is NOT a political issue and should not be treated as such.....it is a HUMANITY issue.

Julie

[AngelaM]

I hear the next big battle is over where she will be buried. Michael wants to cremate her and place her remains in his family's burial plot in PA. Her parents say that her catholic beliefs would not allow cremation and they want to bury her in FL.

I think Michael should take a knee on this one and let the parents bury her where they want to bury her. Let it go. Let her go.

Let this poor woman rest in peace finally.

[MamaBear]

This is what I posted on this topic on the Gen. Parenting BB.


It is a sad day for the whole family. I do have to say though......when a person is in the final stages, such as Terri was, they DO know when it's "about" to happen. Whether it be in the next 5 minutes or two hours. I do think that it was incredibly selfish of Michael to deny her parents being in the room with their daughter as she passed from this world. As a Mother, I know that if I ever had the horrible circumstance of having my child pass before me, I would want to be with them as they left this world, as I was with them as they entered it. Kind of bringing the circle of life full circle. We have had a HORRIBLE riff in my Dad's side of the family for about 8+ years. In the end, a lot of it ended up having to do with my Grandma with Alzheimers and her care, hospice, etc. BUT, in the end everyone was big enough (for the moment) to sit in the same room together and say goodbye to my Grandma, as she drew her last breaths. No one was denied that, and everyone who could and wanted to be there, was. I can't imagine how horrible that would've felt to be in the next room as it was happening, wanting to be there by her side and not being allowed. Unfortunately for the Schindlers/Schiavos, I think this only made things much worse. The riff in our family continues. Those at odds still do not speak or have anything to do with one another. But, at least one can't hold that moment over the other's head.
May Terri finally rest in peace.