Do you have a will of any kind?

[AngelaM]

Living will? Regular will?

I have both. My living will specifically details a situation like the Schivo case.....I would want to be allowed to die if I was in her situation. And, while I don't have it written down anywhere (maybe I should), I want to be cremated.

We haven't really discussed it here but a regular will is also important. My people on my side of the family don't have anything much really to will to someone. But if you have young children, you really need a will identifying who will get custody of your children should something happen to you and your spouse at the same time. Additionally, you would be surprise how greedy people become when you pass away. Here is a story that happened with my dh's Grandma. My dh's Mom is one of two children. She is the oldest. And, she has a younger brother. Their mother died in 2001.

My MIL did not live in the same town as brother and mother. Her mother owned her own home. While she was still living, she chose to move into an apartment with her sister (they had been living together since her my dh's Grandma's husband died. Her sister has never been married). Anyway, she knew her time was short and she wanted to be moved and settled into a smaller place so that her sister would not have to deal with that after her death. Also, her son had two young children and had been living in the 2 bedroom apartment. She thought it made more sense to give him the house and then he would pay the rent for her (which he did until her death--which was only about 3 years). Since he lived in the same town, she named her son to handle her affairs. She left everything to him with the understanding that half would go to her daughter (my MIL). Let me also say that my MIL and her Mom had a very close relationship and even though she didn't live in the same town, she spent a good bit of time with her Mom when her health began to fail. She did as much as her brother in regards to caring for her Mom in her time of need. And, she and her brother had always been very close. Well, in the end, Grandma passed away. And, my dh's Uncle got everything. The house, the money she had left in the bank, insurance money, and all of her stocks and CDs. He paid all of her debts from the funeral, etc. Then, he kept everything for himself. He didn't give one nickel to my MIL. And, my MIL is not hurting for money (neither was he). It wasn't about the money so much as she felt so betrayed by her brother in that he kept everything for himself and there was nothing she could do because her mother did not write her wishes down. And, I guarantee you that Grandma would've never though in a million years that her son would do that. Money does strange things to people I have often learned.

So, I will spare my children this headache. I have everything documented down to each piece of jewelry and who gets what.

Now, here is the next question. How many of you document where your accounts, etc. are in case of your death? This is an area that I need to update in a big way. My dh and I both have 401Ks, Roth IRAs, checking accounts and savings accounts. We have 529 College Savings accounts and regular savings accounts for our children. I have life insurance both through the military and through my civilian employer and my dh has it through his employer. Now, if we both died at the same time, how will our family members know how much money is due to them and whom to contact to get it without this info? This is something everyone also needs to take care of.

Thinking about death is depressing but it is something we all have to plan for.

[BC-MAV]

Yes, DH has had a will for a while now. He had one drawn up when he was a bachelor giving most everything to his sister's child who is his godchild.

When we got married DH changed his will of course to include me and I made a will as well to include him and to have separate property given back to my mother or other family if we both perished. (There was a hurricane heading for Bermuda... our honeymoon destination in 1991... and practically the whole island had evacuated but the hurricane just bypassed the island) When DS was in utero DH and I changed our wills and we named guardians for DS. DH added a Living Will at some point... probably 4 months before DS was born.... at the time when his father was diganosed with terminal cancer.

We have power of attorney documented for both of us should either of us become incapacitated. We have copies of our wills with various people and stuff documented. DH is not one to leave out any details! I need to get the Living Will done. I guess that's the good thing about the media that has made people think about their wills.

[BC-Tracik]

We have a Trust we update annually (better than a will in California from a tax perspective), a Will (to cover anything we bought that didn't get into our Trust at our annual update), A living will and a power of attorney. We didn't do any of this until we had kids and our financial planners scared us to death with dire predictions if we both died. Our lawyer updates our trust annually so we are forced to confirm our acct numbers, add any new ones and make any other changes. The updates are mostly free but if it is something major like a new home we have to pay the hourly rate. She does add kids for free though, her baby shower present to her clients.

Our docs are all stored at our lawyers, our financial planners know this as does our children's gardian and our executor. We also have a copy in our home safe. Our executor also has a one page "instructions" that tells them step by step what to initially do in case both DH and I die.

I am keeping a close eye on the Schivo case because I keep hearing and reading that the results could be very impactful to how "living wills" are treated in the future and if they could be contested in cases where two sides ie. spouse and parents, disagree if you are specific to pull the plug if you are in a PVS and if they both provide experts that disagree with that diagnosis. It could have huge impacts on personal choice over your right to decide what sitations you want to be allowed to die in.

[Elizabeth]

NO to either! Adding it to my "top priority to do list".

[BC-Tracik]

For anyone who is looking for one, Here is a website with a free "Advance Health Care Directive ". The lawyer is a weekend talk show host "answers legal stuff" and he works primarily in Elder Law so it is a well cone free one.

http://www.lentillem.com/

[AngelaM]

I forgot about the Power of Attorney. That is something I also have. It was almost a must have when I got into the military because my dh needed that ability to sign for me in my absence if I was deployed, etc. It came in handy last year when we were buying a house and I was on reserve duty and was on a trip out of town when he needed to sign paperwork for me.

[AngelaM]

Originally posted by SusanP123
IMy Mom ia appointed Guardian of my children and Executor of my will. She has a copy of my will, but I need to to inform her where all my policies are..... Thanks for pointing it out!!

Even if you passed away and your spouse was still alive, the last thing they would want to have to think about is where to look for all of this info.

I know I would be in such a state of shock if something happened to my dh. I probably wouldn't know where to begin to start handling insurance stuff off the top of my head. So, I think a check list of some sort with points of contact, policy/account numbers, etc. is something we should all have. It helps make things somewhat easier at an extremely difficult time....no matter who has to handle it.

[BC-NanceLee]

We both have regular wills. A living will with advance directive is something I need to seriously consider as I too would HATE to have my fate wrangled over or even of all things politicized as this poor woman has.

In our local paper this week there was an article on the subject. One couple had each other and two close physician friends (so total of 3 people) listed as those who should give directives on care should something happen, with the provision of majority vote should there be disagreement. I found that interesting...not sure how I would draft mine just yet.

[AngelaM]

Originally posted by SusanP123
I agree on the checklist idea 100%!!

Also, I'm a single person, so there is no "spouse" for me to precede in death.

Whether its your spouse or legal guardian for your children....whomever would need to settle your estate would need that information. So, get on it girlfriend! And, while I'm poking you along, I need to poke myself in the butt and get mine updated!!!!

[marya]

Yes to all the questions (except the list of accounts, which I was just thinking about the other day).

A few more points. Ideally you should have two different Powers of Attorney. One is a general power of attorney that would give the person you designate the ability to do such things as access your bank funds (important if you were incapcitated and unable to attend to your rent, mortgage, etc), enter into contracts, etc., etc. Then, in most states, it's also important to a have a medical durable power of attorney. Living wills, DNRs, and advance dirrectives only go so far. There is no way these documents could cover every possible circumstance. By designating a durable medical power of attorney, you will have one person that doctors, and courts will look to in order to interpret the grey areas. This is especially important if there are varying points of view in your extended family. Some states require a conference of interested family in making medical decisions for you if you don't have a specific designate.

Oh, and in addition to accounts, passwords are import. It's tricky because you don't want them somewhere that they could be stolen, yet if the only place they are is in your head, that can become very problematic upon your death (or even disability).