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  1. #1
    TayTN
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    How do you deal with being hurt by your church family?

    I don't know that I can deal with it...all I can do is cry. I have been a member of our church for 4 years and from day one have jumped right in, volunteered and worked where they needed help. I can honestly say I have given my church 110%......neglecting time with my children, my husband, my house . But I always tried to do my very best for my church.

    Now because a few of my so-called "good friends" in my church needed me out of the way for whatever reason they have stabbed me in the back and treated me like nobody. But while professing this isn't anything personal, etc. BULL ****! If it wasn't personal they would have been up front with me and talked to me about it like they have any other topic or subject involving this committee..until now..this time they talked about it behind my back. And what really stinks is if they would have been upfront and honest about their feeling I needed to be removed from this committee I really feel it would had been no big deal. But why all they secrets?? Why do it out of the blue?? Why do it at all?? What kind of a threat was I to this group of my "friends"?

    I don't want to go to church anymore, I don't want to be involved in anything! If I am not involved I won't be hurt. Stepping up and being the leader of anything is completely out of my safety zone but I did it at church and felt I was doing what God wanted me to do. But now this. And even though it might have been a small thing to some people it hurts me like the entire church did it to me. And I know they didn't...but it feels like it.

    But how do I removed my children from the people they love? the programs they love? If I leave I am sure my parents will too and then where does that leave the program my dad is in charge of and doing such a wonderful job with?? But I really don't feel I can get over this. How do I trust these people again? Why should I put all my time and energy into this to wait for them to stab me in the back again? I was already hurt by my church in October over a job position I was led to believe I would get until the last second..but even that didn't hurt this bad because it wasn't my so called friends who did it to me. But this was!

    I am sorry for this vent...I just feel there is no where else to turn and thought maybe getting it out would make me feel better...but I suppose it hasn't. Thank you for reading this far.
    Mom to 3 precious daughters - 9yr, 7.5yr & 5yr


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  3. #2
    trustgod
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    All I can tell you is to pray for them. The Bible says for pray those who use you. When you begin to pray for them, God will give you a peace about the situation. You also can not harbor bitterness in your heart towards them. You should live as though this never happened and still show the love of Jesus in every situation. I know this is not easy, but neither was Jesus getting on the cross. Jesus had people he loved speak evil things against him, spit on him, beat him, and eventually kill them, but on the cross he prayed "Father, forgive them." I believe this is our shining example in this type of situation.

    Father, I ask you in the name of Jesus to help my dear sister through this situation. I ask you to give her peace and joy and remove all the hurt and bitterness that is in her heart. I trust you, Lord, and know that you are faithful to us in our time of need. I pray that she be able to release this completely to you and as she does, your love will flood her heart. As she faces these people again, I pray that she would portray the love of Christ and be a shining example to them of His love. I thank you and praise you and you receive all the glory. In Jesus name, Amen.

    John 16:33 - These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
    Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths."

    Follow me to the Christianity board:
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  4. #3
    RobinL
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    Clearly you are very hurt by their actions, but I don't think that running away is the answer. Before you put you family in the awkward position of having to choose between you and the church, I think you really ought to reach out and meet with the people who have hurt you. Maybe start your meeting with a prayer and remember Matthew 20--

    For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

    I think it's only fair to them, to your family and to yourself to try to resolve this conflict before it grows into something even bigger and more hurtful. Don't let others come between you. This is between you and your friends. I hope and pray that you can all find peace and resolution in this situation.
    Robin
    Duncan (surviving twin)--12yrs.
    Chloe Rose (angel twin)
    Sophie--8yrs


  5. #4
    PebbleRock
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    One thing I have learned that you do not go to church for anyone else. Just God.. People are going to be people... Some go to church for all the wrong reasons. They go because of tradition, or forced to go. I will pray for you and your church family
    "I can do everything through Christ who strenthens me."
    Philippians 4:13


  6. #5
    Ellie Mae
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    Firts of all, pray. I will be parying along with everyone else. Second of all, have you talked with your pastor about this? It is something that needs to be resolved. I agree that you go to church because of "you", but you also have to feel comfortable and happy there in order to be fully open to God's word.

    If your conflict and pain does not get resolved, I would change churches. Your children can make new friends. Your spiritual relationship is paramont to the whole family, and if "Momma aint happy, nobody's happy!".


    16 15 13 6 5/05






  7. #6
    Tracik
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    I am sorry you are having struggles with church like this. Being part of the community is a big reason I give so much and spend so much time at church as well. I have gone in and out based on friends coming and going and things in my personal life so I can somewhat relate. Have you talked to your Rector? Ours is always helpful in sorthing things out and maybe he can mediate a conversation.

    If you just feel you can't be there maybe step back a bit and pray to see where God is leading you. Not being there for a little bit might give you some space and time to listen to god. It maybe God is leading you to another church where you will feel more loved and accepted.

    I am so sorry you are going through this, after all you have done for your church... and I know you have done so much. You will be in my prayers
    Wife to Tim, Mommy to 2 Guatemalan blessings
    A, Home 3/02M, Home 1/04, dx w/ALL, PH+ 4/25/08, fighting cancer & he will win

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    "What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a wish that every cup overflow with blessings & that every path leads to peace"-A.Pharo


  8. #7
    technoidiot
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    You know, I got involved in my church as well and I got really discouraged when I found out that ppl were human at church too! Somehow I had this idea that ppl would be on their "best behaviour" at church. So, I figured this was a "lesson" for me to learn to be tolerant, forgiving, compromising, loving, etc. and realize that whether in or out of church, we have to deal w/ the fact that we're all human with faults.

    My aunt also shed some light on this. In a general conversation, she said how she was telling her someone in church who was having a problem w/ someone else in church that your church is your family, just like your regular family, you may have disagreements, be unhappy w/ someone's decisions, etc., but you still love eachother. I liked that.

    Church is also a place to get spiritual nourishment. I also believe that if you're not getting your spiritual nourishment, you need to find a different physical place(church) or get yourself in the right mental place where you can get that.
    waiting to be parents someday somehow


  9. #8
    TayTN
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    Thank you everyone for your thoughtful words. I really do appreciate them.

    TrustGod - your beautiful prayer made me cry (again)

    Last night it came to light that our Pastor is right in the middle of this. He was telling my friend to remove us and telling me this was my friends decision when it was him. I have had negative dealings with our new Pastor in August so I am kicking myself for believing one word he said about her. But all the pieces just fell into place...she had been acting different (but now know it was because she was working very long hours at work and was tired), she is chair of that committee so the words came out of her mouth...she and my father had a disagreement about policy only 3 days prior. It just all fit. But now that I know her side and I know what he told me himself on the phone, I can see how I jumped to the wrong decision.

    But it doesn't make this whole situation any better. My friend and I have somewhat recovered our friendship but it will always be bruised by this situation. I am tired of overlooking what this man does and says to church members and somehow he always comes out smelling like a rose. We knew he had issues at his last church but he told us it was all them. It wasn't.

    I want my children to grow up in this church as I feel so strongly it is our home...but I cannot continue to look the other way or fight this man who has so many people snowed. So the only thing that I think I can stand is that when my Dh is off on Sundays (about 1 - 2x a month) we will attend another church as a family. The other Sundays I will take my children into sunday school and I will wait out in the car. His wife is in my SS class and she is a wonderful woman (poor thing married him after 6 months and they just celebrated their first birthday....I so hope she is aware of the real man and doesn't become the 4th XW) So I cannot sit in my SS class and pretend that my heart isn't ripped out because of her Dh.

    The only light is that we are Methodist so how ever many years down the road he will be moved to another church and then hopefully we can return as full members to our home. Or maybe we will find another church with just as many wonderful people as our home now. Only God knows.

    I am still amazed at how badly this hurts me. I feel like someone close to me has died. I cannot stop crying and my heart truely is broken. I have apologized to my friend for believing she would hurt me and my father intentionally. We were all a simple pawn in whatever the Pastors grander scheme is.

    Thank you all again.
    Mom to 3 precious daughters - 9yr, 7.5yr & 5yr


  10. #9
    BC-GoMom
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    TayTn,
    God may be calling you elsewhere. It sounds like there have been developments and I hope friendship can be healed. Continue to pray about it all and try another church or two. You will know soon if you and your family are to be somewhere else.

    I have to remind myself- churches are full of sinners And just like a big family - you will disagree.
    JenC


  11. #10
    Tracik
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    Tay ... you will continue to be in my prayers as you work through this situation. It sounds like a terrible situation and I think you have an OK plan going forward. Do you have a vestry/Board at your church? Could you take your concerns/complaints about this man to them... just to see if there is anything that can be done about his behavior. Our Vestry "manages" our rector. The rector is officially hired by the Vestry, and while they can't "fire" him perse they can censure him and request the the diocise move him to a new church. We are just starting up a search for our new rector and this is exactly what I am afraid of after 12 yrs with a great spiritual leader in our midst.

    Take care and I hope you find a home where you can feel at home all the time.
    Wife to Tim, Mommy to 2 Guatemalan blessings
    A, Home 3/02M, Home 1/04, dx w/ALL, PH+ 4/25/08, fighting cancer & he will win

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    "What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a wish that every cup overflow with blessings & that every path leads to peace"-A.Pharo


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