Nephew having a hard time - possible disorder?

[BC-CrystalAZ]

My nephew, who is 9, has a lot of issues. I'll try to summarize them here.

1. He still pees the bed at night. He wears a pull-up and is extremely embarrassed about that and hides it in the morning.
2. He is very easily angered and will actually go into a rage mode where he stands still with an angry look on his face, shaking his fist. He also growls a lot. The look in his eyes can only be described as rage. The sweet kid he is when he is happy is gone.
3. He makes comments about killing and death often. One example is I found a really cool caterpillar and showed him and he said (in a creepy voice!) "I just want to throw it in the fire." He also talks about killing his brother or hurting him if he gets angry.
4. He is EXTREMELY stubborn and will not back down from something he wants. If he is forced to back down, he goes into his angry mode.
5. He misbehaves a lot at home but is generally liked by teachers and does well at school.
6. His parents divorced about 2 years ago and his dad is now remarried.
7. He has a couple things he is obsessed about, such as airplanes and coins. He can tell you all the airplane models and how fast they each go, etc.

The most recent development was that he was at his dad's for the weekend. His dad was at work so he was with his step-mom or whatever you want to call her. He got very angry with her and started having a temper tantrum. He then peed on the floor on purpose. She called his dad to have his dad talk to him and he would only list colors on the phone to his dad rather than talk to him... he said "Red, blue, green, yellow..." etc. until his dad hung up. ??

His mom took him to the ped and they are giving him a diagnosis of Asperger's, which doesn't make sense to me, other than the obsession over hobbies mentioned above. I am certain he has some type of mental disorder, coupled with the emotional problems that come from divorcing and remarrying parents. But Asperger's doesn't fit.

Oh the other thing that happened is after all this, his dad called him and told him that his wife is thinking about leaving him now and if she does it is all his fault. !!!!!! What a thing to hang on a kid, especially one having such issues.

So if anyone is dealing with Asperger's, does this make sense to you? Or is there another disorder that "fits" better that I don't know about? I want to give some guidance to his mom so he can get help.

Crystal

[m(or)]

How much went into the Asperger's diagnosis. Was he tested by a developmental ped? Some of it sounds like Asperger's. Here is a list of criteria.

GILLBERG'S CRITERIA FOR ASPERGER'S DISORDER

1.Severe impairment in reciprocal social interaction
(at least two of the following)
(a) inability to interact with peers
(b) lack of desire to interact with peers
(c) lack of appreciation of social cues
(d) socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior

2.All-absorbing narrow interest
(at least one of the following)
(a) exclusion of other activities
(b) repetitive adherence
(c) more rote than meaning

3.Imposition of routines and interests
(at least one of the following)
(a) on self, in aspects of life
(b) on others

4.Speech and language problems
(at least three of the following)
(a) delayed development
(b) superficially perfect expressive language
(c) formal, pedantic language
(d) odd prosody, peculiar voice characteristics
(e) impairment of comprehension including misinterpretations of literal/implied meanings

5.Non-verbal communication problems
(at least one of the following)
(a) limited use of gestures
(b) clumsy/gauche body language
(c) limited facial expression
(d) inappropriate expression
(e) peculiar, stiff gaze

6.Motor clumsiness: poor performance on neurodevelopmental examination

(All six criteria must be met for confirmation of diagnosis.)

It sure sounds like counseling would certainly help him, and his family.
I hope this helps, M

[BC-NanceLee]

It makes TOTAL sense to me. Aspergers, or Non Verbal Learning Disorder.

Take that as the "who" of this child. Throw him into the world, undiagnosed for nine years, trying to fit everyone's expectations of an NT (neurotypical) child. His primary disorder is undoubtedly compounded now by secondary depression, anxiety, and who knows what else. To try and be "normal" in a world that doesn't get you is SO HARD on these kids. The color counting was his way of calming himself down, pulling the world back to a size and shape he could deal with right then.

My heart breaks for this boy.

The peeing has nothing to do with it - many boys pee their beds at night that late - MANY.

But the anger, death threats, shaking - Max got that way too, and he was diagnosed at 8. No, those aren't characteristics of Aspergers or NLD. But they ARE characteristics of depression and anxiety in children - and the depression and anxiety come from the stress of a) being atypical in a typical world, and more importantly, b) not having ANYONE know it or help with it.

He probably needs Prozac or another antidepressant along with OT, play therapy and social skills training. I would say the antidepressants and play therapy, plus maybe some light OT (brushing) would be a good start.

Mostly he needs to be told he is a GOOD kid and that now his parents finally know more about what he needs and are determined to get it for him.

[4sweeties]

Bipolar and sounds like home life isn't helping. His dad's comment sounds like it was uttered in anger and probably not the first time things have been handled like that, if dad has low frustration tolerance, it isn't a wonder that the child doesn't know how to control his anger and frustration.

[BC-CrystalAZ]

Thanks everyone. Everything you are saying makes sense.

Yeh, his dad is an angry guy who is very immature and impulsive. His mom is sweet but very lazy and just wants to play computer games all day. I am worried that he won't get the help he needs.

I am going to talk to his mom about this and try to give her some things to think about. Mostly, I want to make sure she takes it seriously. I feel bad for him, because when he isn't in his angry mode, he's a very sweet and intelligent and creative child.

Crystal

[Cathy]

It sounds liekhe needs to see a really good behavioral therapist. We found one and she is the glue that holds everything else we are doing together. She is our "go to" gal when we just can't figure out what our next step should be and havign her on our team is great because I talk to her about stuff that I uised to share with family members. (Sharing with family never worked because I was left feeling judged and they just chalked up my boys' issues to poor behavior, porr genetics and bad parenting-they never said that but that is how I internalized what was said.)

to you and your family. On a side note:his Mom may just play computer games all day because she wants/needs to escape the difficulties of having a kid who requires extra work. She is probably completely overwhelmed at this point but she needs someone to show her that she is only making the situation worse. (Now I'm going to get off the computer so I can live out what I preach. This is my escape too.)