He does not look like my father anyore.

[HeatherPa]

My dad has hit a bump in the road and is not doing well. I am just so sick to my stomach. He looks like a 90 year old man. He cannot walk but he shuffles, he has lost over 40 lbs. in the last few weeks (3 wks), his hair is all gray and thinning in some spots and gone in some. This is not the father that was once a real strong vibrant man. My heart breaks for him. He will not even look at himself in the mirror. He lays in bed all day because he has no energy. He even falls at time because of his weakness and neuropathy. I just cannot believe my eyes. The last time that I saw him was Mother's day. My daughter was scared of him and I know that it broke his heart. This disease is cruel.

WIll this bump in the road ever go away? WIll he recover?(get stronger) or is this it? He started a new coctail 2 weeks ago and it has bit him in the a$$. He went down with the count. He started Erbitux and Innocrecan (sp). This stuff threw him for a loop. He has such severe mouth sores that he cannot eat it is so painful. Nothing that he is prescribed helps. Magic mouthwash, gel, rinsing with all kinds of over the counter stuff. Nothing is taking his pain away. I keep looking and praying that he gets the eribitux rash but it is not present yet. He was so week that they could not give him chemo this week. He goes to the office (cancer center) daily for hours at a time. They hydrate him, give him antibotics,and run all sorts of tests and draw tons of blood. This is a horrible disease one that is sucking the life out of him.
He has been running a fever and has infection...turns out he has pneumia (sp). He cannot walk (shuffle) more than 2 feet without having to sit down. He is not hospitalized he is at home under the care of my mother.

My mother...God bless her. In the last 3 weeks she has had to shower him, dress him, administer his bizillion meds and suplements, run to the pharmacy daily and drain the bank account because of all the co pays from meds that they prescribe. They give him a script she pays and fills it and within 2 days they remove him from that and go to another one. It is breaking her financially. SHe has to clean up all the messes from his bag. His fingers are so screwed up from the chemo he cannot close his bag correctly and it opens and it goes everywhere all over him and whatever he is sitting on. She is the one to clean him up. We have all tried to offer her help but she refuses. I guess this is in .....in sickness and health.

I am so sorry but I just need to get this off my chest. Where the fu#k is my father?

God bless everyone of you on this board!

[MarieL]

Unfortunately, this is pretty much the reality for cancer. Chemo is very hard hitting, mouth sores also very normal. Infections while on chemo are normal, too (at least they were for us). The body's ability to fight infection goes down because the chemo affects not only the bad cells but the good ones, too.

Of course your dad has no energy, not only is he fighting cancer but pneumonia, too. It is also an unfortunate reality that although you have insurance, cancer treatments eat up money....from copays to paying for gas for trips to the clinic, parking, etc....if just costs money.

But, in many cases, the pneumonia gets better, the chemo continues and then one day is over and the person gets stronger and life goes on. Keep hope.

[SaraBB]

I am so sorry your dad is having such a hard time. I often wondered if I would ever get the energy back to be mom to my kids. The energy did come back, I recovered from many of the chemo side effects, I left chemo hell two years ago. I now feel great. I pray that your dad will feel better and that you will once again see your dad as he once was.

[shawny]

Heather - I'm truly sorry you and your family are going thru this. Like Sara, when I was in the middle of chemo, I thought things would never be good again. But your dad will get thru this (with a lot of help and encouragement from you and your mom). Hugs to you.

[HeatherPa]

Thank you girls. Your commrnts really mean alot to me. My family and I met my mom at church last night and stopped by the house to see my dad. WOW...He looked alot better and he was talking better also. I was so relieved when I saw him. The hardest thing is getting him to eat. He is refusing everything.

[nychris]

I'm glad that he had a better day. Cancer is such a roller coaster--patients are up and down and family follows. I hope with him feeling slightly better he will eat a few bites. My grandfather was guilted into a lot of Carnation Instant Breakfast drinks. Maybe a fruit pop would feel good on his throat? One small step at a time. Hang in there.
Chris

[BC-Tracik]

Not much more to add other then it does go up and down. Mateo has refused to eat at times and then eats like a horse at others, our oncologist says that the goal for her is to try to balance it out... after a year+ of treatment he is almost back up to his pre-dx weight.

Hang in there... The financial piece is tough.... people think "well you have great insurance I am sure it is fine"... yea right I quit my job, we spend hundreds on co-pays for meds and oncologists visits a month, parking, gas (when Mateo is in patient our gas bill triples, when he is not it is about double what it used to be), and for us our food bills have increased because he only wants to eat certain things so we stock up on those and then it changes. Oh and then the spoiling effect... it is hard to say no to something small when he wants it but man does it add up... and then you have to do the same thing for his sister.

It is awful but hopefully he will keep bouncing back up and will feel better soon.

Hugs

[GingerIL]

(((HUGS))) to you and your family Heather. Being in the eye of the storm is the worst! I see pictures of myself when I was going through chemo, and now, 4 years later, I marvel at how bad I looked! I know it must have been really frightening for my family, so my heart goes out to you. I'm so glad to hear that your Dad looked better when you last saw him. He is so lucky to have the love and support of such a wonderful family.

[onniebay]

I'm glad your dad is looking better. The food part is tricky. I actually gained 30 pounds on chemo. I did not care food at all, but eating was the only thing that kept me from being nauseous. If I had not felt sick to my stomach, I would not have ate anything at all. The taste I had in my mouth made almost everything taste like garbage.

[MaryK-MN]

I'm sorry. It sucks. and it sucks even more feeling so helpless to do anything to help him. I'm hoping for more good days for him.

Mary