Are you brave?

[SaraBB]

I have been dealing wiht this question for days now. What is brave and am I brave. A wonderful man just passed away two days ago, everyone speaks of how brave he was. Then there is all the media around Farrah, also being called brave. I don't want to take anything about their story and make it look like I am being negative about it, it just has me wondering.

People refer to me as being so brave during chemo. Let me tell you friends - I was not one bit brave. I was the biggest chicken $hit you will ever find. Before every single chemo I had to take valium just to walk in there.

So are we brave just because we wanted to fight cancer and not die?

I remember Marie telling us the story of Mareille who did not want to be brave, because when she heard that word that meant bad things were coming. I don't want to be brave either.

So what do you think? Are you brave? What makes us so brave?

I swear on my obit I want it to say " she fought cancer back in 2007, she whined, cried and belly ached the whole time, she was a bonafied chicken $hit."

[walrys]

Sara, I love your words!

Here's a quote I absolutely love, maybe you will too:

"Courage is the resistance to fear - mastery of fear - not absence of fear." - Mark Twain

I think you are brave/courageous. You know, some people really do go into the tank when they get just a cancer scare, not even a cancer diagnosis.

Sometimes I tell people, "God blessed me with a healthy will to live." I definitely do NOT want to die early, so I'm motivated to keep showing up every day. Not brave, just, perhaps, willful.

[onniebay]

Nope I'm not brave. I feel like all of us are entitled to do what ever gets us through chemo. If that mean taking valium, whining, or crying so be it. I heard about Patrick Swayze filming his series while going through chemo. That makes me feel like a wimp. There were days I could barely make it off the couch.

[SuzCa]

Brave means you actually went through the hell it took to DO chemo or whatever needed. Brave is moving around in public and trying to do even one small thing that is normal.

I thought 'brave' was kind of an odd thing to call me. I didn’t see any better way around my predicament than to hire the best professionals I could, follow their instructions closely and hope for the best.

Recently I saw a woman on our corporate campus walking to another building. She had that trademark 1/2" of hair. It was clear she had just ditched the scarf or wig. She had the demeanor too. I wanted to high five her or give her a thumbs up. Instead I just realized that I thought she was brave. Huh. How about that.

See, before that I just thought that calling someone 'brave' was just a lot more PC than saying " oh boy are you screwed, now what?" Perspective means a lot.

[GingerIL]

From dictionary.com:

Brave--possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance.
Courage--the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

The two key words here are "without fear"--so I guess that disqualifies me. Never did I think of myself as "brave", but I do think I have good coping skills. I'm also very blessed to have an amazing family and incredible friends--not to mention great doctors and good health insurance. So brave? Nope. Like Mary, I'm just motivated to live a lot more of this wonderful life that I have.

[nychris]

As I watched my dd's Sunday school teacher battle her cancer and a friend that went through a heart transplant, I have never once thought the word brave. I did think that both women displayed extreme grace. They handled their circumstance with dignity and an almost calm aura. Maybe mainstream calls that brave.....

[MarieL]

Yeah, the brave thing kills me. I mean really, are any of us brave or just thrown into situations we sure as h#ll would not have volunteered for?

I like to think of it as a war that we were drafted into. We didn't volunteer, we woke up one morning with a draft notice, given very little time to "get our stuff together" and were shipped out, hoping and praying that one day soon our time in the trenches would be up and we could be sent home again.

And just like in any war, there are casualties and just like in any war, even survivors do not return home the people they were before.

But they survive.

They put one foot in front of the other, day after day and they do what they have to do, go where they have to go, to get through, once again, the analogy of a soldier works well, here, too. We are not giving orders, we are getting orders and we follow them, most of the time with little challenge to those orders, and we hope and pray that the Generals (doctors) giving those orders know what they are doing and that we'll be on the winning side of war.

Brave? Ha! Trust a kid to know that brave is just another way of saying, "here comes more stuff at you that will make you hurt". I love that about the kids with cancer....they are still so pure, they say what they mean, they don't filter it and it's real.

I don't know one person who is in the battle, patient, parent, or loved one who hasn't broken down sobbing their heart out, wishing it weren't them in this situation.

Sorry, brave is definitely overrated.

[BC-Cheri]

Originally Posted by onniebay

Nope I'm not brave. I feel like all of us are entitled to do what ever gets us through chemo. If that mean taking valium, whining, or crying so be it. I heard about Patrick Swayze filming his series while going through chemo. That makes me feel like a wimp. There were days I could barely make it off the couch.

LOL!! I totally agree with you there....thank god for ativan!!!

[BC-Alexismith]

i wanted to tell you that I think you are brave. My father passed away from systemic cancer (it started with bran tumors) at 49. He was brave too. He didn't want to die. He feared death and pain. but somehow even though he had no hope of recovery he managed to smile for me. Of course he complained when the tumors took his vision, his fine motor skills and then, finally, his voice but he never ever truley gave up. He never gave in, never quit on me and fought every single moment just to be alive, to find the strength to touch me and to make it clear he would never choose to leave me. Bravery is being afraid, terrified and fighting anyway. Courage is admitting that youre afraid but still finding a way to face your demons. I am brave. I have to be because I buried him and it didnt break me. I'm sorry to butt into your thread but i wanted to let you know that i think you are brave... because you are asking, because no matter how hard it is you will face tomorrow and admit you're afraid.

[SuzCa]

Thank you Alexis. Since I felt the same way when I saw an evidently new survivor, I can appreciate that you see us and your dear father as brave. I am very sorry that you had to experience losing someone you loved so dearly to this nasty disease.