Thank you for the replys to my dad's chemo...

[HeatherPa]

Well, he is OK on the new one but he is so depressed. He is tired, grumpy, and say's nothing hurts him but he feels off kilter. He had some bleeding over the weekend from his stoma. It appears that he has a weak spot right around where you put the adhesive to attach the bag. The surgeon checked it out and basically there is nothing wrong but it bleeds now and than. The blood will collect clot and than will pass into his bag.( that in itself depresses him). Well the bleeding he had over the weekend made his platelets low so when he went for his routine blood work he was sent for a transfusion. He has to report back today for more blood work to check his platelet count and than go for another CAT scan thursday because on the last one it revealed that he had fluid accumulating around his abdomen. He saw his oncologist and she said that she wanted to start him on another drug (chemo) not sure but it will give him really bad acne. He again is not happy with that at this point he said that he will not go on that ( that his initial response after getting hit with all of this yesterday).

Sue...You my dear are amazing! I wish that my father was as strong as you! My father is a HORRIBLE patient. He does not like his routine rocked and yesterday after been told that he needed to go back to the oncologist everyday this week he just went nuts and lost it. Yelling at everyone. He is very stubborn and will not even consider travelling for 2ND opinions. He feels defeated and I just do not know what to do. I am at this point praying for him and my mom ( she gets the brunt of it all) and staying my distance. Also to add he has his mass ( cancer) removed from his colon and surrounding areas, he has lymphnodes affected, and has spots on his liver.

On the avastin...I get mixed up he is still on it and yes, it is not a chemo! So much info to keep track of! It is very overwhelming!

How does one keep a positive outlook on this?? I do not let him see me upset. I cry and my brother tells me that I need to be positive and stop putting him in the grave already!

I have been hitting the link that someone gave me. Thank you. I passed it on to my mom. I am going to call around today and try to find a support group for my mom. She needs to be around other people who are going through the same feelings that she is having. I am going to call the oncology office but do any of you know where I can look?

I am also heart broken for my kids. How do I explain all of this to them. They know he has cancer, they know he is going through chemo, and I try to answer my 8 year olds questions to the best of my ability. Again this f-ing blows!

I am so sorry that this is so long I just need to get this out!

[walrys]

Hi Heather. Hang in there.


If your dad has fluid build up - ascites - then it would be very uncomfortable. Maybe that's why he feels off kilter.

As far as being positive goes... ya know, it's okay to have emotions. Being positive is "nice" but contrary to popular belief, it does not actually extend a life. In fact, at least one study showed that being mad and cranky at having cancer was associated with extending life. I think the key is to take your cue from your dad. You might need to cry somewhere away from him, or he might be okay with you crying with him. Whatever the case, you can cry! Crying is healthy.

And as for your kids... they understand and accept death differently than adults. Don't assume they'll have the same reaction an adult has.

(((hugs)))

[Suebee]

I am guessing the stoma came along with the cancer. Getting use to a stoma is hard enough for some people. I didn't get mine until after I had gone through chemo and surgery and a resection of my liver. I just got it last year due to my Crohn's disease not the cancer. You feel like a freak. It is scary having to learn to take care of it and it throws some people off. I am pretty good at adapting and I have my moments and my tantrums.

Your Dad is going through cancer and a body image change and then add in the feeling of being totally out of control. He probably is trying to control what ever he can and then just giving up on things he knows seem too overwhelming to attempt.

When you go from being able to do things on your own to needing people to help you take a shower or replace a bag on you that holds your own waste it is really demoralizing. You feel worthless at times no matter how much others try to support you. It is going to take time and unfortunately you are not sure how much is left.

It is important to stay positive. It is important to have some things to look forward too. Maybe you can help come up with ideas of things your dad would still enjoy even in his weakened state. Having someone to come and eat lunch with me while I was getting my chemo treatment was something I looked forward too. I don't know your dad so you will have to think of things that he can enjoy in between all the time that is being asked of him medically. You do feel that your life has been taken over.

Good luck to you and your family.

Sue

[shawny]

Sue - I am so glad Heather has you!

Heather - Hugs to you.

[GingerIL]

(((hugs))) Heather--I am so sorry that this is so difficult for you and your family. Of course it's difficult....it's cancer...

Come here to vent anytime hon.

More hugs--