Bfeeding & PPD - please read if you feel "down"

[Sarah26]

I have PCOS/endo/adeno and nursed my DD exclusively for 1 yr. During that nursing time I had pretty bad PPD from the very beginning and didn't even know it, I was in such a funk. I felt like I had fuzzy and unclear mental capacity and that the world was almost too much to handle. Let's say I had some very negative thoughts. It was even challenging to have adult conversations, besides the fact that I felt very "sensitive" during my talks with others. My memory was shot and I did not feel normal at all.

Then I weaned DD at 1yr, and about 4 weeks later I started to feel normal again, both mentally and emotionally. It gradually improved over the next few weeks until I felt completely like my old self, with my mind suddenly sharp again and the world seemed like a good place. I was magically happier in my daily life, just like in my pre-baby days. I couldn't believe it, it's like I had regained my old personality. I was happy again, and I was able to recognize the changes. And appreciate my DD more.

Now I was able to take a step back and see the big picture of how I had been suffering from terrible PPD all those months that I nursed. And now I felt fine. I thought - could nursing have controlled my hormones enough to contribute to the PPD? I think it did, and I felt so fortunate to be on the other side of the PPD. I talked to my RE about it and he said it's possible that my PPD and nursing were linked. I think my hormones will always be out of whack anyway due to PCOS, etc.

I now wish I had maybe weaned a little earlier, and I will be more open to other feeding options with my next pg. I will also line up more help and support for next time so I don't fall into the same situation.

I am sharing what I would call my very private experience so that any nursing moms who feel a "little down" may be able to read this and potentially recognize similar situations. Please check out the PPD board and talk to your family or OB if you are in this situation. Or PM me if you need any other support. I will also post this on the PPD board for any other readers.

[Curly,]

Sarah it's really kind of you to talk about and share your experience with PPD. I'm sure a lot of ladies who need it will get much comfort knowing they have someone they can talk to. I had a very sad period for about 3 weeks after Gabe was born where I just cried multiple times a day for no reason (or for very odd and silly reasons). I felt totally messed up but as fast as it came on it went away and I felt much better and it never returned after that brief time. I can't imagine having it as long as you did. I'm glad you're feeling back to your old self again

[agnes2712]

I actually saw a documentary once where they studied the brain of women who were pregnant and it had shrunk to a different size. They were saying that the "baby brain" we experience is really true, they also added that it continues while nursing.

I have definitely felt depressed and different this whole year while nursing, but I have always thought it was my son's death. Maybe the nursing has attributed to it some too. In fact, I planned to get on an antidepressant as soon as I wean my DD.....maybe I wont need one. We shall see.

[jenmom2myboys]

I feel similar when I look back. I felt much better when I stopped nursing my boys.

[BeccaMichelle]

The doctor thinks I have ppd and I'm nursing my twins exclusively (they are almost 5 months old). I also have endo. I went in because I was having chest pains, fatigue, dizziness, short of breath, etc. I thought I had some kind of heart disease for sure. I did a bunch of tests but she thinks it's ppd because anxiety can cause these physical symptoms.

It is sooo hard taking care of the twins myself all day because they don't nap much and cry often at the same time no matter if they are fed, changed, I play with them, read to them, take them on walks, they still get cranky like any baby. It's frusterating because there is only one of me and if they both need me at the same time, someone can't be held and comforted. Sometimes I cry when they cry. I try to have them on a schedule and I know it isn't my fault they are crying, but I hate not being able to soothe both at once. I've recruited my mom and my brother who come at least twice a week to help and his Aunt comes too. So the chest pains have gone away since I've had more help. Not so anxious I guess.

Once, I had depended on his aunt and mom to be here at 12pm and it was going on 2:30 and they finally showed up. Well, by that time, it was such a bad, colicy baby kind of day, when they finally showed, I was in tears. Dh comes home around 3 anyway (goes in at 4:30am). So it wasn't help at all. I would rather not think anyone is coming to help than to think I have relief at a certain time and then that not be the case.

Anyway, I'm glad you brought this up. The doc wants me on Prozac but I read that can be bad news for bfeeding. I don't want to take it at all. I think with help from family, I'm feeling better without meds. I want to nurse another month and then think about going on. It's hard with twins and I didn't think I'd nurse this long so I'm pretty happy about that.

[Sarah26]

Becca, I'm glad you posted about the circumstances you're dealing with. Babies cry no matter what you do, and sometimes you just need some ear plugs. They aren't crying because of you or something you could do better. I am currently pg with twins and can't even start to understand how much harder you have it with two babies than how it is with one baby.

I would vote for getting more friends and people from your church to come over plus maybe some hired help. I know how it can be more destructive than constructive to have family come help if they are late-shows or no-show types. They don't really know what you are going through, regardless of what they say. Try to talk to some twin moms, too, and they will tell you you're doing great and they all went through similar stuff.

You have made it soooo far in the bfeeding, and the babies won't care if you do it another month longer or not. Seriously. It's fine to stop completely or reduce the bfeeding to get on antidepressants, and there are some you can take while bfeeding if you decide it's super important to continue. I will try to take antidepressants ASAP next time. Since I did the bfeeding for a year, I can look back and realize I should have stopped a lot sooner than I did. There's no big trophy for going to X months of bfeeding, and there's great formula out there. Look at formula like it is yummy vitamin shakes for the babies.

Please prioritize and focus on your needs right now. You need a lot of breaks and "me" time. If you choose to switch over to formula at least partially, you can take your babies to MIL's house for the whole day and go back home and sleep. They won't break while in her care, even if she does things a little differently than you do. Plus when DH has a day off from work, it can be Daddy duty while you go out and do something fun for you. My DH never knew how truly bad I felt, but you need to be as honest as necessary so he doesn't apply any additional stress on you.

I think your physical symptoms associated with PPD are your body's way of saying "no more" and you're approaching a limit you don't want to cross. Please post again if you need to hear more support. I think you are having a very normal new twin mom experience, so don't feel like you are alone. GL!

[wintak]

Becca- there's also a PPD board on FT for more support. IF that helps at all. I know it's easier to say to someone "you need to take a break" than it is to ACTUALLY take a break. There's a lot of guilt that goes with being a mom. It's part of life. Bummer part of life though.

I hope you get help. I had PPD after DD and was on zoloft with they said was ok for bf'ing. I didn't particularly like being on zoloft, didn't like how it made me feel. But lots of people do take it and love it. It helps lift them a little bit.

AMy

[MyFabFour]

I just wanted to add that it's not necessary in most cases to wean to feel better. There are several medications that can be taken while breastfeeding that are perfectly safe for mom and baby. I'm glad that each of you have shared your stories. It is hard being a mom sometimes and there are many ways to cope. Sometimes it's a real relief to kinow that you're not the only one experiencing something or going through a difficult time.

But I don't want anyone to think they have to wean when dealing with ppd. Check with a lactation consultant, get a second opinion or check the publication by Dr. Hale: Medications and Mother's Milk. There are several options if you wish to continue breastfeeding.

[RMT]

I want to say that I appreciate you sharing your private experience. It was very interesting/helpful to read. My DS is 10 months old and I have been breastfeeding him since he has been born. I also have a DD that is 28 months. There are some days that I'm just down right not happy, but I keep on telling myself that I have no reason to be sad. I have wonderful kids, a wonderful DH, etc.... ,however, I have many down times or how you worded it " in a funk". I feel that my brain and memory have been shot, too. I have always thought of myself as a hormonal person, so I blame my feelings/thoughts on that. After reading your post, I'm wondering if I may have ppd. Since my DS is 10 months old, I'm hoping breastfeeding will end in the next couple months. But....I'm really thinking we will be breastfeeding longer (he is very attached to nursing). Your post has me wondering if I should be making an appointment with my doctor.

[Sarah26]

Hi RMT, please go see your OB/gyn or other doctor who has a lot of experience with new moms and is eager to help with PPD. I once talked to my general practitioner about it and he totally brushed it off, which was not a good experience. If you don't know an OB who helps with PPD, call around and talk to the nurses, and they will suggest an OB/GYN for you to see. I think anti-depressants are a great idea, especially the ones that you can take while nursing, and I will try those next time. Don't feel wrong or guilty for having sadness or unhappy days. It will get better. PM if you need anything.