Fertile Thoughts - Blogs - wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/ Infertility and Adoption online interactive support community for your family-building efforts. Information and discussion includes infertility, adoption, pregnancy, parenting and surrogacy issues. en Fri, 24 May 2013 17:26:41 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg Fertile Thoughts - Blogs - wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/ <![CDATA[Leading up to "Mother's Day"]]> http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77644-leading-up-mothers-day.html Wed, 08 May 2013 17:34:57 GMT For my peeps who are also stuck on the infertility treatment ladder/rollercoaster:

I am proud to say that I am already a mother. I just haven't met my child yet. I have already been a mother to five beautiful embryos, celebrated their blessed creation and each intricate cell division, and mourned the losses when each decided that he or she was unable to stay on this Earth. I am a nurturer, a caregiver, and a role model for the many children in my life (none of whom happen to be biologically related to me). I harness the creative potential of all that it is to be a woman, and I gladly share my gifts with those around me. This Mother's Day I choose not to dwell on over four years of fertility woes and all of the loss and grief associated with this journey. I choose to celebrate the unending love that I carry within my heart, and the amazing mother that I will be and ALREADY am. Won't you celebrate with me? ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77644-leading-up-mothers-day.html Life Lessons from Furbabies http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77638-life-lessons-furbabies.html Sun, 28 Apr 2013 00:07:09 GMT My furbaby has nurtured me through many hard times, including 13 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVF cycles. She taught me how to meditate and how to stay in the moment when anxiety strikes. She taught me how to stretch, how to nap, and how to enjoy... REALLY enjoy simple pleasures. I owe her so much... My furbaby has nurtured me through many hard times, including 13 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVF cycles. She taught me how to meditate and how to stay in the moment when anxiety strikes. She taught me how to stretch, how to nap, and how to enjoy... REALLY enjoy simple pleasures. I owe her so much more than I can ever repay.

I was talking with my vet on the phone about establishing a timeline cutoff for my Furbaby's nausea to stop before taking her to the emerg clinic and possibly thinking about euthanizing earlier than Monday if it wont stop even with extra meds. Then the turkey stops salivating excessively and takes syringe food and keeps it down with no vomiting or nausea. Turkey!!! Constant ups and downs. She is not quite ready to go yet. Every time I talk to a vet about euthanasia she perks up and puts on a show to let us know she is still fighting.

I feel like she is training me to be a mother. Feeding every two hours, constant cleaning, dealing with spit up, laundry, anxiety, no sleep, both parents having to work as a team to stay sane, having to plan my life around her routine while still getting my needs met, trying to guess what someone wants who can not talk... Even on her way out she is being my teacher and mentor. I am grateful for the lesson even through the tears. ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77638-life-lessons-furbabies.html Planning our third and final IVF... overwhelmed! http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77576-planning-our-third-final-ivf-overwhelmed.html Wed, 13 Feb 2013 23:52:40 GMT The Doc and I discussed a bunch of variations to the IVF protocol to maximize egg quality and quantity and implantation rates. The power to the building went out right at the beginning of our discussion so we could not pull up computer files on past cycles. We reviewed the information that we had... The Doc and I discussed a bunch of variations to the IVF protocol to maximize egg quality and quantity and implantation rates. The power to the building went out right at the beginning of our discussion so we could not pull up computer files on past cycles. We reviewed the information that we had on paper file as well as some articles I had brought from medical journals. Our appointments are usually 10-15 minutes long. This one was very long, but it needed to happen.

Funny--for 9 IUIs we totally thought that sperm count and motility were the deciding factors. Then we did 4 with donor sperm. Hmm... still only one line on the stick. We wasted 2 years and lots of money on IUIs. Now we're into year 3 and finding out that IVF with ICSI is not working... the "golden ticket" that was supposed to solve all of our "male factor" issues. Whoops--I guess we should have taken a closer look at me a long time ago and saved ourselves a lot of heartache and money.

Based on the review of our last 2 IVF cycles he believes that I may have premature DOR (diminished ovarian reserve). I have elevated Day 3 FSH levels that are unusual for someone my age and we have only been able to retrieve 3 mature eggs per cycle even though there were 16 antral follicles.

This may indicate an autoimmune reaction at play (anti-ovarian antibodies) or other issues leading to premature menopause, but doctors in Canada are not as keen to jump on the reproductive immunology bandwagon as folks in the USA, so that shall forever remain a mystery.

I also have a number of other conditions that are inflammatory in nature/connected to my messed up immune system (injection site reactions, diabetes, psoriasis, interstitial cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, endometriosis, GERD) so there is a good possibility of immune-related embryo rejection (the embryo can’t implant if my body is already in an inflammatory state and rejects it).

To address these concerns we are embarking on a whole lot of changes to the protocol, and I will be going back to a naturopath to discuss anti-inflammatory food choices and fertility acupuncture.

Typically my doctor would like to follow the scientific method and do three cycles for each new variable, but when I explained to him that this will be our LAST cycle (i.e. we don’t have time or money to fool around with 9 more cycles) he said that we could try to throw everything into one cycle as a last ditch resort. If it works we won’t know what the “magic key” was, but since we don’t plan to go through this again for a second child it doesn’t matter.

Our basement foundation is falling apart due to water damage that we can't fix because our money is tied up in Project Baby. Hubby has no insurance right now. My ovaries think that I am in my 40s. So we have neither time nor money to waste.

Here are the changes:
• 75 mg DHEA daily for up to 3-4 months before starting another IVF (in addition to the CoQ10 that I've been on for the past year and the Fish Oil that I've been on for the past 4 years) to increase egg quality and quantity. VERY promising research on the role of DHEA in women with decreased ovarian reserve.
• Tweaking the Lupron dosage from 40 IU to 20 IU part way through the cycle to avoid over-suppression and thus require less drugs to stimulate the ovaries to produce more eggs (last time I was on the maximum dosage of stimulation medications and still didn’t respond well)
• Switching from Repronex to Menopur as stimulation drugs (more LH in the FSH/LH mix, shown to increase egg quantity in some women)
• Adding four divided doses of HCG in the luteal phase along with progesterone suppositories (studies have shown an increase in implantation rates and subsequent live birth rates with this combination over what we’ve done in the past, which is only progesterone supplementation)
• Conducting an endometrial biopsy (local endometrial injury/endometrial "scratching") during the IVF cycle (covered by insurance, causes a local endometrial injury which has been shown to increase implantation rates in women with repeated implantation failure by up to 200%).
• The addition of 0.5 mg of a corticosteroid (dexamethasone) during days 6-14 of the IVF cycle, which will suppress my overactive immune system just enough to hopefully allow an embryo to implant and the placenta cells to start to grow. Unfortunately diabetics usually develop high blood sugars on corticosteroids, so I’ll have to be very careful with insulin dosages and food choices.
• Consulting with the embryology folks about their thoughts on the benefits of assisted hatching after they've had a chance to view any embryos created. Slightly thickened covering of the egg and embryo (thickened zona pellucida) is related to implantation failure. Usually it happens with older women, but since my ovaries think I’m in my forties it may be an issue. The cost is $300 for them to use a laser to create a small opening in the embryo’s “shell” to give it a better chance to bust out and attach to my uterus. The embryology staff can make the call during embryo development if the zona looks at all thick or if they’d like to try it as a “what if”, as there is a growing body of evidence to support the use of assisted hatching to promote implantation after repeat IVF failures.

It's been a long road and thank God we're close to finding resolution, whether it be a pregnancy or the knowledge that we cannot have biological children. I want to be able to say that we did EVERYTHING that we could do to have biological children with the resources available to us.

I think hubby needs this closure as much as I do before we can seriously move on to adoption with our hearts and minds in the right place. We need to know that we have given this our best shot and that it is not meant to happen this way. Don't think we'll do embryo adoption. Expensive, time consuming, have to travel to the States to do consults and ET... just too much. Enough is enough. God/the universe has a chance to hold up a large STOP sign by giving us a BFN at the end of IVF #3. Then we can BREATHE again and focus on being a couple instead of on being babymakers.

The PLAN: One last kick at the can with everything in our power to make it work. If positive, dance of joy. If negative, go into counseling to make sure we've worked through our issues of loss and grief before moving on to a home study, adoption courses, etc. The pressure valve will be off by the summer, either way. ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77576-planning-our-third-final-ivf-overwhelmed.html <![CDATA[Photos of our eggs being ICSI'd and the resulting embabies!!]]> http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77555-photos-our-eggs-being-icsid-resulting-embabies.html Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:21:05 GMT I'm a bit of a nerd so I requested photo documentation of the creation of our beautiful embabies. For anyone else out there who wants to know what the process looks like... the creation of life is truly a miracle!!

Please click on the blue words below to see the annotated photos!

ICSI January 2013.doc ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77555-photos-our-eggs-being-icsid-resulting-embabies.html Daily Inspiration http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77523-daily-inspiration.html Sun, 30 Dec 2012 16:08:18 GMT
Quote Originally Posted by wannabebe2 View Post
Some inspiration for today from my daily meditation book: "Don't stop now. Relax as much as you can. Know that the rhythm of life is still there, moving you forward. Don't look back. Focus intently on each stop. Soon you will reach the top. Soon you will reach your goal. Soon you will experience the victory. Keep your eyes focused on the path; look straight ahead. Embrace the thrill of the climb." --M. Beattie
]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77523-daily-inspiration.html ...and it begins... AGAIN http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77522-begins-again.html Sun, 30 Dec 2012 03:45:13 GMT Wow. 5 years ago would I have ever dreamed that I'd be doing my second round of IVF after 13 IUIs and laparascopic removal of endo, choosing to pay for meds and treatment instead of fixing a leaky basement and aging roof, with my mood/sleeping in shambles but my marriage somehow strangely stronger than it ever was before...

Positive thinking: the endo removal could be the miracle cure that we needed for this to finally work. We are DUE for our miracle. God knows we've done our IF time and learned lessons along the way.

Negative thinking: What if? What if? What if? There are so many thoughts in my brain... I won't dignify them/promote them by recording them here or anywhere else. They are mostly irrational, very negative, and based on FEAR. Fear is the enemy of joy and love. I choose to live in love and to give my body love!

Proactive management: vitamins, supplements, exercise, meditation, prayer, reiki, massage, chiropractic, EFT, making time for DH and I to "date".

This is going to be our year... new year, new hope, new announcements... bring it on! :) ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77522-begins-again.html We will be wonderful mothers http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77392-we-will-wonderful-mothers.html Sun, 29 Jul 2012 17:35:16 GMT I just found this piece on the internet and had to share... anonymous author: There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know I will be better. I will be better not because of... I just found this piece on the internet and had to share... anonymous author:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and I prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover, I will marvel at this miracle everyday for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot, or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me!

I count myself lucky in a sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, a friends and a sister because I have known pain.

And when others hurt around me I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

Yes, we are wonderful people…but we will be even better mothers! ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77392-we-will-wonderful-mothers.html Dental Cleanings While TTC and in First Trimester? http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77388-dental-cleanings-while-ttc-first-trimester.html Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:49:56 GMT Does anyone know if dental cleanings/topical fluoride treatment are advisable/safe while TTC or during the first trimester? I can't get a straight answer from my dentist. ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77388-dental-cleanings-while-ttc-first-trimester.html Prayer request http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77387-prayer-request.html Mon, 23 Jul 2012 16:59:25 GMT We got the call this morning to let us know that Larry (the big overachiever) is no longer viable and will not become a frozen siblingsicle. I am very sad but knew in my heart that he was not likely to survive after reading the literature on 12-cell day 3 embies with no evidence of compacting... he... We got the call this morning to let us know that Larry (the big overachiever) is no longer viable and will not become a frozen siblingsicle. I am very sad but knew in my heart that he was not likely to survive after reading the literature on 12-cell day 3 embies with no evidence of compacting... he had a heck of a start but he wasn't able to make it to the big leagues.

I've been quite sad but I know that if he was meant to survive he would have, whether or not he had been transferred. Thank God nobody was at work yet this morning as I sat at my desk weeping.
I will always have a part of me that grieves the loss of who he might have been on Earth. He will be remembered and held in our hearts as our precious embaby in Heaven.

I have faith that we are not given more than we can handle, and that everything happens for a reason. It would have been hard for us to raise twins and then a sibling, so as much as it hurts, perhaps that option was removed for a reason. I really hope that our other two make it!!!

I'm praying that Curly and Moe dig in deep and decide to stay... any time within the next few days they will be burrowing in if they are going to burrow. The evidence should show up in my blood by the middle to end of next week, but I'm doing pee tests starting early next week. I got a bunch of cheapies from the internet from a medical supply place for 50 cents each.

I'm doubling my efforts to be gentle with my body to protect the little ones I have left. Send our little embabies love and luck as they "hatch" and dig into the uterine lining!! At my ultrasound I had a beautiful triple layer endometrium that was the perfect thickness for little embabies to nestle into and get nourishment from.

If it's not too much to ask, when you have a moment today and over the next few weeks, please keep our in-utero embabies in your thoughts and prayers. It can't hurt and it most certainly CAN help!!

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11584476 ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77387-prayer-request.html There Can Be Miracles When You Believe http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77383-there-can-miracles-when-you-believe.html Sun, 22 Jul 2012 02:12:04 GMT For anyone who needs a little extra love today...

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle." --C. Larson

Just for today, my anthem is "When You Believe" from the Prince of Egypt soundtrack. Take a few moments and BELIEVE with me. The miracles are happening right here on this board and in our bodies. We WILL overcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlV_fdLYjwE

Faith is like the bird that can feel the light and sing when the dawn is still dark... have faith and trust yourself!

My little miracle: transfer of 2 perfect 8-cell embies yesterday... I have faith that the miracle of life is continuing inside me. Prayers and love appreciated!! ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77383-there-can-miracles-when-you-believe.html !!!!! 3 embryos !!!! http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77381-3-embryos.html Wed, 18 Jul 2012 13:40:58 GMT Our stats so far: 16 AFC. 7 follicles aspirated. 5 Eggs Retrieved. 3 Mature Eggs Identified by Embryologist. 3 Fertilized with ICSI. 3 perfect one-cell embryos with 2 pronuclei each... ready to cleave and make us a baby... 3/3 = 100% fertilization rate!! :cD God is Good!!!!! I know that 3... Our stats so far: 16 AFC. 7 follicles aspirated. 5 Eggs Retrieved. 3 Mature Eggs Identified by Embryologist. 3 Fertilized with ICSI. 3 perfect one-cell embryos with 2 pronuclei each... ready to cleave and make us a baby...

3/3 = 100% fertilization rate!! :cD God is Good!!!!! I know that 3 doesn't sound like a lot, but I'm ever so thankful for these three that were meant to be, and I'm working hard to reframe everything that is happening on this journey so that I never miss out on recognizing the "bless in the mess"! This process can be partly cloudy with a chance of rain or partly sunny with the possibility of a rainbow... I'm ready for my rainbow!!

Thanks to everyone who has been keeping us in their thoughts and prayers! I believe that the formation of a zygote is the start of life, and that every life DH and I create is precious. I know it's silly to get so attached to one-cell organisms, but I'm already in love with each and every one of them, and am sending them love, love, love to grow, grow, grow... come on cell division with minimal fragmentation!!!

Within 24 hours I'll know who survived... come on, Larry, Curly and Moe! Rooting for 100% of you to keep on growing! :) ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77381-3-embryos.html 15 hours and counting... http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77380-15-hours-counting.html Tue, 17 Jul 2012 00:28:22 GMT In just 15 hours I will be in the O.R. wearing a hospital gown, waiting for the Director of Medicine to arrive to aspirate my follicular fluid and hopefully capture some great eggs! I'm scared and excited all at the same time. In some ways I wish that I was going to be knocked out, but conscious sedation is much easier on the body, easier to recover from, and it allows me to watch the retrieval process on the ultrasound screen as each follicle is drained of its fluid.

I have a very good feeling about this. I feel like thanking God and the Universe in advance for the successes that will develop over the next few weeks. In just 16 hours my mature eggs will have their cumulous cells removed with a pipette and the eggs will be separated out, examined, and injected with DH's sperm. In just 39 hours our zygotes will have reached the embryonic stage and I should be getting a call to let me know about the progress of our little embryos. Then we let them grow and grow, and transfer two perfect Grade 1 "embabies" back into my uterus on Day 3. I will welcome them home and send them love, love, love!! AND as a bonus, I want to put in a thank-you to the Universe for the awesome quality of the blasts that we will be freezing on day 5... (thinking positive!)

I can put up with not eating for 16 hours and possible hypoglycemia post-op. I can put up with dry mouth, hot flashes and sore BBS and ovarian enlargement. I can put up with constantly changing insulin dosages as my other meds change. I can put up with needle site swelling and pain. I can put up with tenderness in my hoo-ha and abstinence from intercourse for the next few weeks. Maybe I won't "put up" with it, though... right now I choose to celebrate the symptoms as they come and say "Thank You" for the miracle of assisted reproduction technologies and the child(ren) that are sure to come my way as a result.

I'm going to go off of the fertility sites for tonight to allow my mind and body to rest up before the big day tomorrow. Wish us luck and LOTS of awesome eggs! ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77380-15-hours-counting.html Gratitude Journal http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77375-gratitude-journal.html Mon, 16 Jul 2012 02:04:35 GMT I have heard many people talk of the power of gratitude journals. It is therapeutic to write entries, and leaves me feeling loving and peaceful. Taken from my gratitude journal from our last trip: Fingers slide effortlessly into mine. One pinky stuck bertween his index and middle... I have heard many people talk of the power of gratitude journals. It is therapeutic to write entries, and leaves me feeling loving and peaceful.

Taken from my gratitude journal from our last trip:

Fingers slide effortlessly into mine. One pinky stuck bertween his index and middle fingers... gently swaying hands and arms as we walk barefoot. The warm walkway is made of tiny rocks cemented into place, and is partially covered with blowing sand. It tickles the soles of my feet, so long forgotten under heavy socks!

The day is as simple and as easy as our love. I find myself marvelling at how little effort I need to put into this love some days. How rarely I feel hurt or angered by it. How little I am required to sacrifice of myself to be a part of it.

I fit so easily into the crook of his arm. He folds me in a quick embrace and my body fits right where it was meant to. I belong to him. I can't imagine my life without him. He is my rock, today and every day. Stable, predictable, easy to know. To another he may seem boring. To me he represents the solid base upon which to build a lasting love, a loving fmaily. What a wonderful husband I have. What a fabulous father he will be! ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77375-gratitude-journal.html Dealing with jealousy (pregnancy announcements, facebook posts) http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77374-dealing-jealousy-pregnancy-announcements-facebook-posts.html Mon, 16 Jul 2012 00:37:55 GMT Some recent posts on forums and facebook about being angry at "preggos" have made me contemplate the whole jealous IF thing. I do NOT advocate trying to force ourselves to be happy and cheerful all of the time. I am a strong believer in allowing ourselves to be real and to feel our feelings... just not at the expense of others.

I think that it is okay to acknowledge that we are happy for our friends' successes but also that we are sad or jealous or frustrated with our own situations. That separates out the negative thoughts and allows us to recognize that the real problem is the heartache of infertility, not the baby bump of a neighbour. I openly admit to friends that I am "completely jealous and so happy for you"... it's okay to be sad for ourselves and still celebrate the success of a friend. It's okay to cry when we see someone else's baby bump or ultrasound proudly displayed on facebook... as long as we separate the sadness for ourselves from the joy of new life in another!

After four years of TTC it still stings when I get a baby shower invitation or open up my facebook account to yet another pregnancy announcement, but I've given myself permission to be excited for them and still sad for me. I'm in a place where I can't muster the strength to attend baby showers right now, but I don't tell people that I am not attending because I am heartbroken and their joyful announcement sends daggers into my heart... they DON'T need to be made to feel guilty/upset. I send a gift with a mutual friend, a card saying how very excited I am for them, and apologize for not being able to make the party due to other commitments. No hurt feelings.

We need permission to grieve the loss of our dream babies with each failed cycle. If you feel like you're going to burst out into tears at the next family reunion or at the next baby shower, then for heaven's sake PROTECT YOURSELF from it! Nobody needs to know why you aren't attending. Be kind and gentle with yourself and allow yourself to cry, write angry phrases in your journal, or whatever you need to do to cope. You owe it to yourself to feel your feelings, and you owe it to others to work them out without making anyone else feel bad.

I don't want to turn into a bitter person who resents others. Resentment is such a waste of my precious energy... energy that can go into baby making!!

Pregnant friends are NOT the enemy, even those who seemingly take the miracle of life for granted. The devastating disease of infertility is the enemy, and I pray that we will all overcome!!

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77374-dealing-jealousy-pregnancy-announcements-facebook-posts.html Trust the Process #IVF http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77373-trust-process-ivf.html Sun, 15 Jul 2012 15:27:50 GMT My cycle has been totally turned on its head. I'm wating for the call with my instructions... likely trigger tonight and ER on Tuesday. We almost triggered last night but then my doctor called back and said "WAIT!!! There are two 12's that we can likely capture with one more day of low dose FSH... but we'll likely lose the big guy in the 20s." I trust him and his gambling ways!

So... HCG shot went back in the cabinet and FSH came out again... along with a shot of Cetrotide to block my LH surge. I was using Synarel spray at double the regular dose and my LH was still creeping back up, so they pulled out the "big guns" (Cetrotide) to arrest it in its tracks. I had to drive 2.5 hours (round trip) to pick it up yesterday, after already driving 2.5 hours in the morning for blood and ultrasound, but it was worth it to save this cycle and not accidentally ovulate all of my eggies!

I went in for another blood test and ultrasound today but the poor ultrasound tech is off sick again. She has been absolutely overwhelmed since the part-timer quit. They need to get a new tech in STAT. The important thing is that my E2 levels are measured, though... bloodwork doesn't lie... as much as I wanted to know if my little guys caught up and look like they may be mature so that I could obsess over their sizes and my probability of success, I know that I've done everything I can do and the rest is up to God now. This will help me to let go and let God. Yet another lesson in letting go and not trying to control the outcome.

So. Sore. Breasts, ovaries, injection sites, bloodwork sites... everything is swollen/bruised and painful. BUT... This baby is worth it! All of the tears and pain WILL pay off. I know it!!

Now I wait for my bloodwork to come back from today (E2, LH) and instructions about when to trigger.
Ring, phone... ring!!! ]]> wannabebe2 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/wannabebe2/77373-trust-process-ivf.html