vamomwants3

Well here it is day 9 and I was done with clomid on day 7. My bbt's are still horrible so at this point I'm not sure that the 50mg of clomid did a thing.

I have a dr's appointment this friday for another post coaital. Last time he said wait for the positive OPK and call this time he just went ahead and scheduled it for day 13. He still wants me to use the OPK's even though he's not sure I'm truly ovulating.

I am so frustrated right now. It's been almost a year and no luck. At first the dr's said they thought the OPK's were good now with a full month's of bbt, the tune is changing.

I really hate having PCOS. It's obvious that I've ovulated on my own before because both of my previous children were not conceived during any treatment.

I tried for 2 years for my son who is 11 and 3 years for my daughter who is 7. I only received limited treatment for my daughter because I had just started the diagnosis when I had an HSG and a surprise BFP.

So my RE (same one as before) has done the HSG this past friday, put me on clomid, and now is doing a 2nd post coaital. He says if the post coaital is fair or poor. He told me it was fair last time. (I thought he told me it was looking pretty good but I'm guessing he was just talking about my mucus.) He will then do IUI that weekend or whenever he estimates I will ovulate if there is no folicile there on friday.

My ovaries have been hurting like someone has been using them for punching bags for the last few days. I am hoping that means that I have a folicile ready to release. Last time I did the post coaital I did have a folicile that was my RE said ready to release in the next day or two.

Trying to have a baby shouldn't be this hard. It's amazing anyone has kids with all the perfectly timed things that have to happen.

I have friends that I feel are constantly critizing me for wanting to have a child and going through the treatments to do so. Me and my current DH are not married yet so they say I am jumping the gun. We are planning to get married soon but we can't yet do to forces out of our control.

Many many women get pregnant all the time who never even plan on marrying the father of their children but I am getting a verbal beat down over it.

I also am told on the regular that apparently "GOD" says it's not right for me to have a baby and only he can give it to me. I don't understand that statement and feel very upset/mad/sad when they say that to me.

It's almost as though they are implying I have done something horrible and dont deserve it. When I try to ask them to explain how my EX DH and his EX had babies when they apparently don't deserve them either, its sad to me "GOD" has a plan.

I just dont understand why they are being so mean to me. I have done nothing to any of these people. And some of them are suppose to be my close friends.

So I've decided I am no longer talking to any of them about this and pretending that nothing is going on in my life around them.
It's obvious to me that they dont really care enough about my feelings not to say ugly things to me.

I was really shocked by a couple of them because they are normally not like that to me at all. One of them that said those things to me is doing almost the same thing as me. She is marrying this guy she has known less than 1 year, he's wanting a baby, she's thinking about it.

How can she be so cruel to me about this stuff? Anyways that's my rant.

I am hoping that friday will give me something to hope for and work towards. It's expensive so I am not sure how many cycles I can afford to try.

I hope you are all well and things are going well.

I will blog again after my next appointment this coming friday.