I have so many things that are annoying to me that I find that the only place that I am NOT annoyed is right here on FT. I hope that FT automatically bleeps out my swearing because if not, I am going to have to come back and censor myself, and I am not really in the mood to.

tsukareta. I don't want to gaman anymore. I look at M and S and envy them for being able to throw temper tantrums, regardless of whether they get their way or not. it looks so liberating.

...

I guess it is desperation that is at work here because I just realized that all the eBaying that I have been doing is paying off. I think I made just about the take home amount as when I was working from selling on eBay. I've been making some really interesting sales too lately and they are all paying off. My friends and neighbors have been helping me alot too with allowing me to work commission. They are pretty happy to unload the heaps of clothes in their garage and bring in cash. Some of...

Just purchased our tickets to Japan for August. It is not the final move, but it is the first step to our new life. We need to go back once to decide on where to live, look at schools, and meet with people that might be able to help me with jobs. DH is also going to meet with his brother about a business deal. DH has done translation work in the past for his brother's company so we are kind of hoping that something might happen with that. Maybe not directly, but maybe meeting with connections...

ok. I am trying to breathe here. I am choking.

We just got a call from the car people about how much we are going to get for our truck. As you know, I had been NAGGING dh to get the friggin thing sold to whomever wanted it. We (I) didn't even want a profit from the stupid thing. Just wanted to give it to someone who would be willing to take over the payments of $535 monthly. There was still $21000 left on it and since the only response we got on CL was someone who was an obvious...

dh was in car accident this morning and the twins were in the car with him. I got a call from him from the scene. For some reason he is talking in english and rambing-

'I was in an accident. really kinda bad.'

'ARE THE KIDS OK!?'

'yes luckily at daycare'

whew... SO TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED ME TO DO? ARE YOU OK? WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO DO NOW?

'Nothing. I'm just telling you'

click. he hangs up.
...

I think we are losing this battle.

I cried the other day for the first time since this happened. We were denied health insurance because of our IF and I felt like WHAM! just when I thought infertility was behind us since we are not planning to expand out family, it takes a chunk out of my ass. and at such a bad time too. What are we supposed to do?

whatever.

I am sad but I feel like when I am online, I am able to preserve a part of me that is untouchable...

We've been trying to eat everything in the fridge, freezer, and pantry before we go buy any more food. We always stocked up for the 'emergency' we always thought would hit. Little did we know that 'emergency' would be unemployment, not an earthquake. So anyway, the only thing that we are going out to buy is milk for the kids. We should be able to live off the stuff we have for about a month. We have meats in the deep freeze so we are not hurting. We just need to be careful not to waste...

It's been over a week since I lost my job, and over 2 months since dh lost his.

Not sure what is going to happen but I don't think we can stay here anymore. I spoke to my recruiter and she said that there is nothing out there and in fact, employers are still laying off so very unlikely that they will be hiring for a few months. She mentioned that some employers know that they have the upperhand in this situation so they are adding stupid criteria like, MA in biochemistry with...

I got flowers for Baby B on Monday. I wanted to get them earlier, but I just didn't get the chance til Monday. I feel REALLY good about getting them. I feel like I've created a time and space for him/her. This was definately a good idea.

It was an arrangement of white snapdragons and white tulips. I liked it.

I found out that baby B was unwell... and we had to make the difficult decision to SR to protect baby A (M) and Baby C (S). I can't believe that was a year ago...

I called DH to remind him and tell him that I love him and I love our family, and he really surprised me by saying that I should go get some flowers on the way home and honor Baby B's memory... and maybe we can give it a name. Then he went on to say that maybe that is a bad idea since by holding on it's memory like...