by, 02-28-2010 at 05:35 PM (398 Views)
I feel like I'm running out of things to say on my blog. Nothing has changed... everything still hurts.
Physically the bleeding has stopped but I'm still cramping and my breasts are still quite sore, just as sore as they were at the beginning of my pregnancy. Not sure when that will end.
Emotionally I'm still a wreck. When will I start to feel better? The days just drag on and I still spend the better part of my days crying and feeling hopeless. Is this normal? Shouldn't I be feeling better by now? I still feel stunned and shocked that I'm not pregnant any more. I'm hurt and angry.
I go back to the counselor tomorrow so maybe she can help me to figure out a way to get past this. Friday's beta came back at 250. I have no idea if that is a good number or not. That was exactly one week from the D & C so I don't know if it should have been to zero yet or not? RE is concerned about the breast tenderness and is worried it may mean the D & C was not complete. My cervix was really tight and he had a lot of trouble emptying my uterus.
Mom and I went to Zales today and purchased a beautiful necklace to memorialize my baby. I'll attach a photo if I can. I just wanted to do something so it wouldn't be as if this baby never existed. I will never stop loving her and I will never forget.
My sister is anxious for me to try again but I'm scared. I can't imagine going through this again. I've always wanted to be a mother but I feel like the beautiful pregnancy I always envisioned has been ruined. I will always live with the fear of losing my baby. Everything feels ruined.