smileygirl

A few months ago, it seemed like everything was going perfect. Building a new home, a prospective job opportunity for dh the second he graduates and is licensed. It's all falling apart at the seams and I feel helpless.

The house- this is the SECOND house that we've started building in the past 8 months. The first one was going to be completed too soon (months before we were moving back to AZ), so the company allowed us to move to a smaller house in the same development with no penalties. Everything going great with this new house, building schedule right on target with when we'd be moving. I was finally starting to feel really excited about "our" house. Last Friday, our loan officer calls and says that the loan we needed to be able to get the house is no longer in existence. The mortgage market is basically going down the tubes because of so many foreclosures. There is no other way we can qualify on our own (because we are in grad school and don't have an "income"), so that means no more house. We have to back out again. I can't believe it, I really can't. This is twice in four months that we've "lost" our house. Plus, we lose ALL of our earnest deposit money ($6500) that killed us to put down. I guess that means we'll be living in an apartment AGAIN for another year. We're already bursting at the seams in our two bedroom apartment here and I'm sick of throwing money away each month on rent. I want to be stable, know where we're going to plant our roots. The twins start kindergarten next year and I really want to be in something before then. I guess next time, I'm going to have to hope for the worst until we actually have the keys in our hands.

The job- Dh has done an awesome job of networking with ODs since his first year of optometry school. Every time we were in AZ, he was meeting with docs, visiting their offices, getting to know them. One opportunity in particular seemed to be especially promising. Dh met with this doc several times, back in February we all went out to lunch together (me, dh, the OD and his wife), they invited us to their home, everything was going well. This doctor told dh flat out that he was interested in selling his practice in July of 08 *wink, wink* which is when dh will be licensed to practice. They talked very candidly, like, "This will be your office..." and "When you do this or that..." which made me feel like it was a for sure thing. It's pretty much the most ideal situation you could run into after graduating optometry school- finding a doc that's ready to retire and sell their practice. Fast forward to May. Dh meets with this OD again and out of nowhere, the OD tells dh that someone else is interested in buying his practice. WHAT?!??! NO! Dh met with him again in June and it was still the same story, but no negotiations had taken place yet. Dh has been in touch with the doctor since, letting him know that we're still interested should things fall through. I guess the buyer was wavering and so we thought we still might have a chance. Well yesterday, the OD calls and says it's pretty much a done deal. This other guy is buying the practice. I know technically we shouldn't have gotten our hopes up since dh won't graduate for another 9 months, but man! This really was the ideal setup! I have no doubts that dh will be able to find a job after he graduates, but this really would have been perfect. A day late and a dolalr short, I guess. *sigh*

I know this is really long, but I just need to get it all out. I'm getting having some major anxiety about moving back to AZ, and not in a good way. For the past three years, we've known what the next step was. We've known what will be happening in the months to come. Now, we don't know where we're going to live and we don't know what job dh will have after he graduates, nothing. And I thought we all had it figured out a few months ago. It's very hard for me not to have any control of these major things in our life. I just feel lost, like I have to wander around until something comes up. I really don't like this and feel like my hopes and dreams have been dashed in a few short months. I know this probably isn't a big deal in the long run and in a couple years, I'll be looking back thinking, what was I worrying about? But for now, I have a very narrow view of the road in front of me. I just have to trust that the right things will happen and we'll be where we are supposed to be. Why is that so hard?