All Blog Entries

Another baby has died.. yesterday a lady I sit for asked me if I had heard about the baby who had died.. a girl that I went to school with who went thru 10 years of IF struggling to have a child.. She had a healthy little boy and then one day. . . he's dead.. he was 2 weeks old.. was pale all day one day and they checked his fever.. normal.. then he started throwing up so they took him to the ER.. they ended up doing CPR on him at the hospital and now he's gone.. My heart is broken for this couple.. ...

I can't believe Lindsay is 14 today. It seems impossible.....it was only yesterday wasn't it? Who hit the fast forward button on my life??? How do I slow it down.....OMG....I was only 4 years older than she is now when I got PG with her. Unbelievable. Looking back over the years of struggling with IF, I am truely amazed that she's even here....what are the odds?! I am very lucky.... I don't condone teen pregnancy, but if she had not been conceived when she was I would most likely have no children ...

I've been absent from my blog (so unlike me so far!) the last few days purely because I've been busy. Busy is good - it means I don't have too much time to sit around and think about 'life'

Anyway - I'm aiming to update tomorrow on my last fwe days and my plans for the rest of the week!

Well, the nurse at my OB/GYN's office is the BEST NURSE EVER. She fudged a little bit to the u/s tech so she would squeeze me in and give me an unscheduled u/s today. Everything looked great. Baby weighs approx. 6 1/4lbs., and is measuring right on target. He was even taking some practice breaths! He has a big belly, and his feet are already 2 1/2" long. The level of amniotic fluid looked excellent. I have been successfully calmed down, although I wasn't really freaking out. . .I do ...

Well thanks guys for your lovely comments as you probably know now i did get that BFN !! I was a total mess yesterday and last night but a little better today. Thinking a little more clear I guess. I know how badly i want a child I have tried for so long so I wont give up. I will do it somehow and someday. For now resting and giving it time.
I still think life stinks sometimes!!!Im very hungover today as got very drunk last night!! whoops
Thankyou for your continued support.

Today my baby turned 9.What happened to that olive skinned little newborn? She is turning into quite the person! She is very outgoing as she always was but is now starting to sound so much more grown up. It really truly does go in the blink of an eye, just yesterday I was decorating her nursery. I don't know where the time has gone, but I sure look forward to the time that is yet to come.

It is such a hard day today... I just can't believe I have to face this whole TTC hell again. I should be holding a 6-week old, not visiting him in the cemetery. And again we missed 'o'. I'm going to order some cheap OPKs online so hopefully we'll have better timing. I'm afraid I'm getting too old. I'm afraid I'm going to go through premature menopause like my mom did. I just can't stop crying...tomorrow is another day.

My 5 yr old DS, Noah had me cracking up last night! Through this whole divorce ordeal I keep reminding Noah that his mom & dad love him very much and that we were so blessed with him because we wanted a baby so badly. (2+ years ttc) I often tell him how long we waited for him...etc...etc...

So...anyhow. The kids were bouncing off the beds and driving me up up the wall in the most wonderful way! Finally I had just about had it & I said "You kids are driving me nutty ...

A vendor brought in some Navajo tamales. Here is what they look like:

http://pictures.sprintpcs.com/i/44062706949_3300.jpg?

They are bigger than the tamales I bought in Idaho, and these are tied up with corn husks too. Pretty tasty!

Well, it's monday morning and the sun is out again after a very rainy day. I finally got in touch with my doctor's office about the article I read in the British science magazine about the study at Johns Hopkins that found that babies conceived by IVF/ICSI were twice as likely to be born early, underweight, and to die soon after birth. (EEK!) I kept reiterating that I was trying not to be a crazy lady, and that I just needed someone smarter than me to tell me everything was going to be ok. The ...