puffyamiyumifan

So here is the current deal... I go to sleep, exhausted from a day of thinking nonstop about IVF, DE/DS, embryo donation, adoption. if I wake up in the middle of the night I am panic stricken. If i manage to get back to sleep when I wake up its right there first thought in my brain. I can not do anything without it being in the back of my brain. I wish I could somehow go back to the days when I did not want to TTC. I know that will never happen, that I am a different person now than I was then. Even if we live child free this whole experience is central to who I have become.