puffyamiyumifan

as of 3/8/06 our 4 homestudy visits are done!!!! We just have to wait to go to the doctor on 3/20/06 and our social worker said she would be done with it and could send it off I cant even begin to express how excited I am getting! My mom and dad took me out this weekend to look for convertable cribs and furniture. We are moving in at the end of April so we will be setting a room up after we get settled.

So no post since april.... Lots has gone on, went on vacation, did lots of IVF's and now we are on our way to paperchasing a girl from china!

so far we have done only a bit of the paperwork and we just got a social worker this week, but I am sure things will pick up after christmas
so exciting!!!

I decided it was time to get some professional help, so I went to see a therapist. She seemed very nice and I will go back to see her next week. we really just went over my history. she gave me a assignment- to write down things I used to do or talk about before all this IF stuff became my life. It has been so long though, I am really having a hard time with this.
She validated all of my feelings and I really think this is a step in the right direction.

So here is the current deal... I go to sleep, exhausted from a day of thinking nonstop about IVF, DE/DS, embryo donation, adoption. if I wake up in the middle of the night I am panic stricken. If i manage to get back to sleep when I wake up its right there first thought in my brain. I can not do anything without it being in the back of my brain. I wish I could somehow go back to the days when I did not want to TTC. I know that will never happen, that I am a different person now than I was then. ...

I do not even know where to begin. I guess back in 97 got married to the most amazing person in the world. we decided yeah we totally want kids, just not now. fast forward to 2000. had been off pill for well over a year, charting to avoid! Decided together- OK lets go for it. tried for a few months, noticed hey I sure do ovulate late and boy I have a short luteal phase. better go check this out soon if not PG in next few mos. so in Oct 2001 se RE, says try clomid, do that 5 times to march ...