http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/ Infertility and Adoption online interactive support community for your family-building efforts. Information and discussion includes infertility, adoption, pregnancy, parenting and surrogacy issues. en Wed, 19 Jun 2013 22:38:18 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/ http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77111-my-embryo-transfer.html Thu, 29 Dec 2011 01:07:43 GMT On the day after the egg harvesting, I went work and was so sore and uncomfortable, and bloated, I had to come home early from work. My belly was so swollen, I couldn't even button my pants. I was laying down on the bed watching TV and I got a phone call from Kevin's parents. They had driven in from Virginia! I was so excited they were here. I was so sore and uncomfortable, I hadn't done any of my cleaning and the first thing I could think of was, Oh sh^t! My house is a disaster! Noone wants their inlaws to see an unkempt house. Although, I had just commented to kevin that it was time for them to come visit because my ceiling fan need to be dusted. I can always count on Linda to clean the stuff I hate cleaning ;) The timing of their visit was perfect! They really helped me with Rachel and getting our house ready for Christmas! They were here until after the embryo transfer.

I had two beautiful embryos transferred on 12/11. When Kevin and I went into the room, the lights were dimmed for the ultrasound machine and I went behind the curtain to get changed. Kevin was behind the curtain with me to hold my things and I asked him if he wanted to make out or something so it seemed like there was some type of romance instead of a full bladder and stirrups. Kevin laughed at me and kissed my forehead. There was definately no foreplay or marguerittas for this one-night-stand.

The transfer went very smoothly. I actually filmed it with my phone. Dr. Nackley was not available to do the transfer, I think it was Dr. Mansfield who did it. It's a shame I can't remember who was sitting between my legs delivering my lovely embryos to my uterus. Dr. Mansfield (I think) took a picture of the embryos once they had been placed and I have it sitting at my desk. When I did IVF in 2007, the day before Gram died, I had received the christmas gift she had given me that year. It was a beautiful serling silver bracelet. I wore it through the entire invitro process and pregnancy with Rachel so I could keep her close to me. I took it off when Rachel was born because it had started to wear and eventually broke. I held it in my hand the whole time during this embryo transfer because I felt like it gave me the strength and engery I needed to be optimistic.

When I got home, Kevin's dad told me I looked pregnant already. You have to love the optimism in this family. I rested on the couch with my feet up for the rest of the day. I feel like I was still pretty sore from the egg harvesting 5 days earlier. It seems like it has taken a while for that bloated, sore feeling to go away. I went to work the rest of the week.

I had also started the progesterone tablets on the day after the egg retrieval. These are a different brand that what I used before. This brand comes with an applicator that deposits the pill into your vagina instead of pushing a pill up there with your finger. You still have to wear a pantyliner to protect your undies and your clothes so it still has the same amount of grossness, but I would give it a 10 on a scale of 1-10 for ease of use. I also thought of 4 more things you need to know:
1. be sure to use panyliners that actually absorb. Instead it will feel like you put a layer of scotchguard in your panites.
2. never drink gatorade after brushing your teeth, even if you aren't pregnant, thats enough to make you gag
3. progesterone gives you gas, let it out as often as you can (it usually doesn't smell)
4. if you get bronchitis during this whole process, its best to wear a real pad, and as I said before, don't say, "oh dammitt" when you sneeze or start coughing. I have gone through more undies due to progesterone leakage and peeing my pants than Rachel when she was potty training. ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77111-my-embryo-transfer.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77064-eggstatic.html Fri, 09 Dec 2011 14:06:51 GMT I got a call from the embryologist on Wednesday with the fertilization status of the eggs. Seven have fertilized normally and are growing. She told me that statistically, only about half of those will make it to Sunday so she was estimating we would have about 3-4 blastocysts to work with. All... I got a call from the embryologist on Wednesday with the fertilization status of the eggs. Seven have fertilized normally and are growing. She told me that statistically, only about half of those will make it to Sunday so she was estimating we would have about 3-4 blastocysts to work with. All these terms make me grateful I paid attention in biology class during cell mitosis.

I'm going to call today for an update.

On a side note. I want to thank each and everyone of you who are following my blogs and reaching out to me. Waiting4God, I've got my fingers crossed for you. Each one of you are strong women and you each have a unique story to tell. The whole purpose of this blog was to share my story and I get so excited to see the number of views are in the 100s for each one of my blogs. Sometimes my stories have been sad and sometimes they have been funny. But this is real, this is me and I thank you for the opportunity to share. ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77064-eggstatic.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77056-harvest-time.html Wed, 07 Dec 2011 02:48:21 GMT Today was my egg retrieval. We had to leave at 6:30 this morning and drop Rachel off at school on the way to the clinic. The drive to Bedford from Rockwall is about a hour straight through downtown Dallas. We got there right on time. My allergies have really been bothering me and I was worried they... Today was my egg retrieval. We had to leave at 6:30 this morning and drop Rachel off at school on the way to the clinic. The drive to Bedford from Rockwall is about a hour straight through downtown Dallas. We got there right on time. My allergies have really been bothering me and I was worried they would cancel me because my nose was so congested.

I met with a nurse who got my weight (that's how I knew I've gained 8 pounds since starting) and started my IV. I got to put on a super huge hospital gown and a sweet blue hat. They let Kevin stay with me while I waited to enter the operating room. I usually have never been nervous before about being put to sleep but now that I have a child, my feelings about that are different. I was very nervous.

Dr. Nackley came and introduced herself to Kevin (this was the first time he's been able to make an appointment with me) They took me back to the OR and I had to put my legs in some very cold stirrups. I had to yell out my date of birth to a lady who appeared in a window which happen to be directly in front of me (and my vagina) It was like yelling into a McDonald's window. My legs were shaking and luckily this is when the anesthesiologist gave me a margueritta. I woke up in the recovery room. I started to cry for some reason. I think this was a culminating moment of the emotions I've held back for the past two weeks. I was having cramps that came in waves like contractions. The nurse said this was the ovary shrinking down.

We met with the embryologist. She told me they harvested 20 eggs and 18 of them are viable. They plan to fertilize them today and will call us tomorrow with an update of how many are dividing and growing. The embryo transfer is scheduled for Sunday. I paniced a little inside because during my previous IVF cycle, they harvested 40 eggs of which, 38 were viable. Only 5 of those fertilized. So, if I think of the statistics here, that means only 2 of the 18 will fertilize and those don't sound like great odds for me.

I reached out to my wingwoman on our way home and she told me that Menopur is known for less eggs but better quality which statistically has a greater capacity for a live birth. Her words: "you only need one and you got 20". She is right. I only need one to decide it wants to get cozy in my uterus and stay there for the next 40 weeks. Kevin took me to IHOP on the way home and then we picked Rachel up. He got called into work so he tucked the both of us in bed and left for work. I clocked out shortly after that and didn't wake up until about 4pm.

I'm still very sore. I can't find my tylenol so I'm laying down with the heating pad on my belly and drinking the gatorade. I'm going to try to go to work tomorrow. Definately won't be wearing my signature heels which is the only way anyone recognized me yesterday when I debuted my new hair color. ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77056-harvest-time.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77055-hail-sleet-same-thing.html Wed, 07 Dec 2011 01:27:16 GMT Wow, What a whirl wind past week. After my appointment on Wednesday, I've been back to the clinic everyday. My estrogen levels were very high and Dr. Nackley wanted to see me daily for an ultrasound and lab work. She lowered my dose of Menopur from 3 vials to two vials and then had me discontinue the Menopur. My last estrogen level was 5499. With the study, my estrogen level can't be more than 6000. I've had more action with the dildo cam than with my own husband in the past month! I ended up staying the weekend in Flowermound at Deanna's to save on the traveling back and forth to the clinic.

The estrogen has caused my blonde hair to turn a bit coppery. I have been so frustrated with it and everytime I look in the mirror, I see a plump, swollen face. I have gained about 8 pounds since starting the stimulation medication despite hitting the gym 4 to 5 times a week. I was feeling pretty down on myself and on Saturday, took myself and Deanna to Ulta and had them do my hair. I had a demi glaze put on with red highlights. So, I am now a brunette. She shaped up my cut and I walked out feeling a little bit better.

On Sunday, I met with Dimples and we went over the instructions for my egg retrieval. As she was going over my instructions, she read number 2 on the list which was, "have intercourse on Monday." I started laughing and commented that I'm sure my husband would apperaciate getting a note sent home from the doctor instructing us to have sex. Dimples thought for a moment and then started laughing as she crossed number 2 off my list of instructions. She forgot that we are using frozen sperm. For those of you not familiar with the IVF process, the purpose of the sex would be to ensure the sample given by the male on the day of egg retrieval would be optimal (fresh). So while the female is getting her chicken coop harvested, the male would be vising the Library (giggles). We shared a laugh and I told her that I was for sure going to blog about this conversation. So, I got sent home with a note that says to have sex which has been crossed off! poor Kevin. hahahahaha

Part of the instructions Dimples went over with me included the trigger injection. This is the HCG injection that is given to mature the eggs prior to retrieval. This is a timed injection and I was instructed to give the shot at 8:30pm on Sunday. Deanna had to work and all my nurse friends would be back on my side of Dallas. I found someone to give the shot to me and on my way to her house, I got stuck in Dallas traffic. I started to panic. It had been raining all day and as I was exiting the interstate, I realized that I was more than 20 minutes away from my destination and it was 8:29pm. Thankfully, the clock in my car is a few minutes faster than the time issued by Verizon on my phone. I pulled over to a gas station and called the nurse. I asked her how I should go about giving myself an injection in my hip. She instructed me to give the shot in my leg. It needed to go in a big muscle and since I had to give it to myself, this was going to be the safest place. It started to sleet or hail, I'm not sure which? It was thundering and lightening, but it was 44 degrees out. Behind the gas station was a car wash; The kind where many cars pull into rows and get washed and they pull forward for a towel dry. Clearly they were closed but I needed the shelter from the hail/sleet so that I could concentrate.

Let me set the scene up for you:. Its night time, I'm pulled behind a gas station into a closed car wash. I am drawing up medication out of a vial with my pants pulled down. I had to hold it up so that I could see what I was doing. I realized as I was searching through the bag to get the vial and the syringe, that I didn't have any alcohol wipes. I had given all the boxes of medicaiton and syringes back to Dimples earlier that day. So, here I was, pulled into a closed car wash, with my pants down, a syringe with a 2inch needle and a vial of medication that I didn't have my name on it and I had not alcohol wipe! I searched my car and realized that I had some Lemon scented antibacterial hand sanitizer. I checked the contents: 79% alcohol. I had a fresh package of drink napkins in my glove box. (I still have no idea why those were in there.) I sprayed the top of the vial and drew up the medication. I sprayed my leg and wiped the spray off and with the courage I have no idea where I summoned, I stabbed the 2inch needle in my leg and gave the injection. It didn't hurt at all. Of course, it was sore as crap on Monday! I managed to do all this and not get pulled over by the cops. I can't imagine how I would have explained any of this. ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77055-hail-sleet-same-thing.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77040-case-mysterious-disappearing-diarrhea.html Fri, 02 Dec 2011 04:17:17 GMT I arrived for my appointment on Wednesday ten minutes early (6:50am) and had to wait outside the door until the staff arrived at 7am. I assumed my usual un-assigned seat and surfed facebook on my phone while I waited. A different woman brought me back to the ultrasound room. She never gave me her... I arrived for my appointment on Wednesday ten minutes early (6:50am) and had to wait outside the door until the staff arrived at 7am. I assumed my usual un-assigned seat and surfed facebook on my phone while I waited. A different woman brought me back to the ultrasound room. She never gave me her name and I've not see her before. Since it was so early, I didn't see Big Dallas Hair. I was told to relieve my bladder before I got undressed for my first ultrasound on stimulation. As soon as I got undressed and was sitting on the chair awaiting my date with the dildo cam, I suddenly felt like I was going to have diarrhea! My stomach started cramping, I had a hot flash and I started to sweat. All I could think about was these ladies sticking the dildo cam inside of me and all hell breaking loose. This was the first major hot flash (with nausea) that I've experienced thus far. I've had mild hot flashes but nothing that really formed sweat on my brow. I started to panic and thought maybe I should run back to the bathroom. As quickly as it came on, it went away. Whew!

Jodi and Dimples came in and so commenced my meeting with the dildo cam. There were lots of follicles on both sides and they took measurements and looked at my uterus. Everything was looking like it was supposed too. I did take note of a very large follice on the left ovary that was nearly double the size of its fellow follicles. Maybe this is an alpha follicle? The whole thing only took a few minutes. Dimples mixed the Menopur and drew up both injections for me to give while I was in the office (Menopur and Lupron). Jodi drew my blood for my estrogen level and then I was done. I made an appointment for Friday at 7:15am.

When I left, I was so glad I took my own advice from the other day and put the extra pair of panites in my purse. Those ladies are so generous with the lube, but I swear it seems like I can never get it all. I coudn't wait to get to work to change my underoos!

At about noon, LeeAnn called me and told me my E2 (estrogen level) was 930. She sounded a little freaked out and told me Dr. Nackley wanted me to return Thursday. They planned to repeat the E2 level and ultrasound and possibly adjust the medication. I remembered this had happened when I did IVF before, so I called Shadygrove and got a report of all my E2 levels and on what dates they were taken. My first E2 level was actually over 1500! I called LeeAnn back to give her this information and I think she was a little relieved.

In the mean time, my sperm is on its way via Fedx. This is a huge shoutout to Alicia (pronounced a-lees-sia) of ZyGen. They were willing to work with me and accept the only way that I could pay the $475 shipping costs. They also didn't charge me the deposit ($900) for the use of their Shipper. Alicia called me every step of the way: from receipt of my paperwork, receipt of my payment, when the shipper was sent to Shadygrove and when it arrived at Shadygrove. She was VERY understanding of my situation. I also had to pay an additional $100 processing fee to the clinic for them to accept my sperm.

I had my repeat appointment this morning with Dr. Nackley. I left early since it's an hour drive to Bedford from Rockwall. It took me an hour and half to get there, in traffic. I took some of my cards-for-troops stuff to work on in the car since I knew I would get there early. My bladder was full and I didn't drink any coffee for fear of the mysterious disappearing diarrhea cramps. I did NOT want to relive that again. The same person who took me back yesterday, took me back today. I still don't know her name. She drew my E2 level and then sent me to empy my bladder and wait. I felt the hot flash coming on as soon as I sat down. I started to get the cramps and started to freak out a little bit. Maybe its the fact that I am sitting there without any undies on and gravity taking advantage of the situation, but here it came again! I clenched and waited for it to pass, which it did. Dr. Nackley came in with Dimples and did the ultrasound today. All the follicles had grown from yesterday as expected. They decided to reduce my Menopur dose to two vials. We discussed my Estrogen level and Dr. Nackley anticipates my egg retrieval will be earlier than expected. Maybe by Sunday, Monday or Tuesday. Today is day 7 of stimulation medication so I've made it past the required 5 days for the study. I got a call from LeeAnn this afternoon that my Estrogen level is 1395 today and they just plan to follow me daily until it is time for retrieval. I feel like I'm cooking more eggs than a Waffle house on a Sunday Morning and that I need to come with a Disclaimer that says: Mood subject to change instantly, cannot be held responsible for the outcome. ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77040-case-mysterious-disappearing-diarrhea.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77024-4-things-you-need-know.html Tue, 29 Nov 2011 03:41:42 GMT OK. So everyone knows that after you have children, and as you get older, the ability to hold your bladder becomes a little weak. Couple that with growing a chicken coop of eggs in your abdomen and a little sinus infection/allergies and you have a big mess! I literally peed my pants 4 times... OK. So everyone knows that after you have children, and as you get older, the ability to hold your bladder becomes a little weak. Couple that with growing a chicken coop of eggs in your abdomen and a little sinus infection/allergies and you have a big mess! I literally peed my pants 4 times yesterday!

Today is day 4 of Menopur. I am starting to feel a little bloated/full in my belly area. I am starting to get little bruised areas from the injections (this is not me complaining). There is only one area that you can actually see a bruise, the other areas just feel bruised. I realized this yesterday when I was at CVS and Walgreens doing my extreme couponing and used my belly to push the cart forward as I was looking down at my weekly store ad. Yikes, was that sore!

My head was hurting so bad that it woke me up Saturday morning at about 2am. When I didn't think I would wreck the car or get pulled over for suspected DUI, I drove to Walgreens at 3am. I took the box of Lupron and Menopur in there and spoke to the pharmacist. I told him I was desperate for relief from the headache that had been brewing since Thanksgiving. He seemed to think it was a combo of sinuses, hormones and possibly a migraine. He gave me some tylenol sinus medicine and I took it and got some relief, thank goodness. I started sneezing and coughing yesterday which is a good indicator that some of it was sinuses. Since I'm at risk for hyperstimulation, I was told by my previous reproductive endocrinologist to drink gatorade once I started the FSH medicines. So, without fail, that is what I've been doing. Bringing this paragraph full circle, once I started the coughing and sneezing, coupled with the persistently full bladder from gatorade and the growing nest of eggs, the pee had to go somewhere when I sneezed!

So, I've decided to share some things with you that I think should be key information to a woman undergoing IVF.
1. when detoxing from caffeine, start on a weekend when you don't have to work. This will prevent you from getting fired when you want to bite someone's head off, or drive your car through the front of their store.
2. when detoxing from caffeine, the starbucks caramel via are a good way to go. Use only half the packet for a cup of coffee and add a splash of your favorite creamer. I'm on my 4th day of this and so far, I've not been arrested.
3. when drinking lots of gatorade to prevent hyperstimulation, be sure to take extra panties to work with you or wear pantyliners that can be changed quickly and quietly in the ladies room. Luckily for me, I have a bathroom in my office.
4. finally, don't say, "Oh dammitt!" after you sneeze or your husband/partner will know you have just peed your pants. ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77024-4-things-you-need-know.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77016-menopur-gram.html Sat, 26 Nov 2011 15:41:49 GMT On Black Friday, I went for my baseline ultrasound. LeeAnn (dimples) wasn't there. Instead, Jodi, the medical assistant was going to be doing my ultrasound. This was to establish the size and number of follicles on each ovary and the size of the lining of my uterus. She was very gentle with the dildo cam. Of course, I preceded to tell her Deanna's story about having to put the thing in herself and we had a good laugh! I was only the 4th person she has done (fortunately, I wasn't the virgin) and I could tell she was a little nervous about doing this. Hopefully, our laugh helped ease her nervousness. Especially since she had this 12inch dildo cam inside of me.

After the ultrasound was done, we met in room 5. Incidently, right next to the Library. Everytime I see and type this word, I get the giggles. I know its a little unprofessional, but I'm laughing at me almost walking in there to use the bathroom. And, I'm still wondering why on earth there is a toilet in that room? I need to ask my husband about this. I know, after sex, he practially has to stand on his head to use the bathroom, so I just don't get it.

I was randomized to use only on the Menopur for the study. I have to mix 3 vials of powder (Menopur) with 1cc of sterile water. When we pulled everything out of the box, because remember, Jodi has to teach me how to do the injections, I was a littel overwhelmed at everything I was looking at. 3 vials of Menopur and one vial of sterile water, one syringe and something called a Qcap. This was actually a really smart tool! You screw the Qcap onto the syringe and that punctures each vial for you. It's basically a needleless system. No accidental needle sticks and it is much faster! We used to have a tool like this for spiking multidose vials in the doctor's office. I drew up the 1cc of sterile water and injected it into a vial of Menopur and then withdrew the mixture back into the syringe. I injected those contents into the next vial of Menopur and repeated with the 3rd vial. So, I was still only working with the same cc of sterile water I started with. Just injecting, mixing and withdrawing from 3 vials of Menopur. This injection is also subQ. Again, pinch an inch on my bell and give the injection. It burns a little going in, I'm not going to lie.

That was it. Jodi gave me my schedule for the next 5 days. I have to go back on wednesday for blood work and maybe another ultrasound, I can't remember. I have to save all the vials and boxes that I use for the study and return them at the end. It all came in this handy black bag that also has an umbrella in it. My gift from the study. I hope this is not a "when it rains it pours package".

On a side note, I've already had a couple of mild hot flashes. That seems to happen about an hour after I give myself the injection. I've also already cried my eyes out over my sperm issue again. I have a friend working on helping me with possibly renting an equine shipper (for horse sperm and embryos) and I talked to Kevin's mom about possibly transporting the sperm to me. I have to have a plan by monday because I need it here no later than the 8th.

To end this blog. I've been talking with Rachel about having another baby, a baby brother or sister for her. She thinks that we go to the baby store (the hospital) and she gets to pick out the one she wants. (don't we wish it worked that way). She told me yesterday, out of the blue, that we need two babies. Both girls and that we would name them Chloe (which she pronounces "glowie") and Sophia. Several hours later, out of Cleveland, she tells me we need to have a family of 3 kids. what?

Gram, is that you? ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77016-menopur-gram.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77015-2-minutes-flat.html Sat, 26 Nov 2011 15:09:03 GMT I've been on the Lupron for 6 days as of Thanksgiving. I am on 20units and the injections go in my belly, where I can pinch an inch. Plenty of inch, I assure you. These injections are not bad at all. They don't burn going in, and the needles for subQ injections are very fine. Sometimes, about 1-3 minutes after the injection, I get a small whelp that itches. It feels sort of like a misquito bite. It goes away as quickly as comes. When the medical assistant (finally found out her name is Jodi) gave me my instructions at my last appointment, she told me I'd probably start my period. Yah, I didn't believe her. I didn't get my peroid the last time I did this. Well, I was at the gym this past Monday and sure enough, I got home and there it was. Two (.) in one month. Ugh! The worst thing about this part of the cycle is the headaches. I had 3 migraines in the beginning when I was on the BCPs. I got another headache on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. These were by far, the worst two I've ever had in my life. I keep remembering and episode of Law and Order: SVU where a woman has a brain aneurysm from taking fertility medication. OMG! I need to stop watching that crap.

It works out that we are going to Deanna's for Thanksgiving which is only 26 minutes away from the clinic (according to my GPS) and I had to have an appointment for bloodwork to check my E2/FSH level to make sure I'm fully suppressed and that I can continue with the study. I believe this is the final screening phase so I've been feeling very nervous. Not to mention the range of emotions from sad, to angry, excited to manic. My emotions have been all over the board. I prepared my food for Thanksgiving the night before: dressing and sausage cheese balls, and packed everything to make the apple pie. I drove from Rockwall to Bedford, about an hours drive. My appointment was at 11am. I hit a little traffice in downtown Dallas, so at 11:04 I was hitting the exit. My cell phone started to ring; it was the clinic. I answered it and it was a woman named Laurel who was calling to see where I was. Apparently, my appointment was at 10:45! I apologized and told her my worksheet/calendar said 11am.

When I got there, I was the only one in the waiting room. I took my seat, the same one I always sit in. It's strange, its like assigned seating from elementary school that noone ever assigned, but I feel compelled to sit there because its where I sat for my very first appointment. I was sitting there, reading a Travel and Leisure magazine about roadtripping through Florida thinking that I wouldn't have much to blog about except how the injections and this appointment went. Then this dude walked in. And I mean, not strolling in, he was booking it. I never seen strides so fast except at the gym. He was carrying a brown paper lunch sack. I had a feeling he sure wasn't here for a picnic. Poor guy, had to stop at the front desk and check in. I really thought he must have had to go to the bathroom or was totally embarassed about having to drop off his specimen because he was sure in a hurry. Laurel was not quiet but tried desperately to be discreet. She had to ask him about labels on the cup, and then sent him to the back. Of course, I could overhear the directions she gave him to the room. Yep, he was there to visit the "Library". Pretty sure he wasn't checking out any books. He was walking back out the door in two minutes flat! I was impressed. I'd bet he had a pregame workup, probably in the car on the way to the office. That-a-girl! Way to help your man out! He didn't make eye contact with anyone on the way out.

It was my turn to go back. The girl who took me back acknowledged that I was there to get bloodworkbut she never told me her name. She took me to the lab chair (across from the Library) and drew my blood with a butterfly. It hurt a little more than when Dimples did it. She had me confirm my information on the sticker and that was it. I was done. She told me I'd get a call later on the day.

Of course, I missed the call because we were watching the game. I checked my VM and the woman had said my levels were perfect and that they would see me Black Friday for my baseline ultrasound and to start the FSH/LH injections. I was in!!!!

And, I thought I wouldn't have anything to blog about. ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77015-2-minutes-flat.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77005-friday-hell-warning-contains-explicatives-lots-them.html Wed, 23 Nov 2011 02:37:40 GMT Friday, Friday , Friday. Where do I begin?. I went to work early so that I could get the work I needed to get done completed and then go to my appointment. It's a hours drive, straight through downtown Dallas so I left about two hours early. I figured this would give me plenty of time to get to the otherside of Dallas (which for me is like the other side of the state), have lunch with a friend and then take her with me to my appointment for moral support. I figured she would love to see the mock transfer and saline ultrasound since she is was an OB nurse and this stuff is fascinating.

I had several phone calls to make during the drive so I immediately plugged my ear piece in and made the first phone call. This was to the clinic in Maryland that has my frozen sperm. I had brought 3 vials to them from the Jones Institute (where my husband's specimens are stored) when we did the first IVF cycle. Since I knew the 3 best frozen samples were there, I figured this is where I would start. I spoke with the andrologist who told me I need to have these forms notorized and sent to her in order to make arrangments for the sperm to be sent to the clinic here. She got my email address and emailed me the form. She must have been doing this as we were speaking because I could hear the notification chime in my ear letting me know I had a new email. First call done. I knew exactly what I needed to do and in what order I need to do it in. The second phone call was to the transportation company that I would need to rent the shipper from and who will transport my sperm. This is where things go immediately south.

I called Cryobiology first at the recommendation of Shadygrove Fertility to find out how the whole shipment process works. I was informed that they would need to place a $1200 deposit onto my debt card for the shipper and the transfer fee would be $450. I almost wrecked the car. I interruped the lady and asked her if they would actually debt my account for the $1200 or just have the number to hold. She told me they would actually take the deposit then refund it when the shipper is returned. I told her it was cheaper to get a flight there and back and do it myslef. That is when she informed me that the TSA will not let me take my frozen sperm on the plane. I'm sure there is more sperm in the bathroom of a Southwest flight to Vegas than I would need to be carrying to get knocked up! Then I told her that it is cheaper to ship a car across the country! I was so upset by the time I ended the phone call that I was shaking. I barely have enough money to pay the $6500 let alone another $1650 for sperm! Un****ing believable.

I called my husband and as soon as I heard his voice, I burst into tears. His response, "they are just taking advantage of people because they know your heart is involved and they know you are going to pay it" What are we supposed to do? I looked at my red, swollen face in the rear view mirrow and I figured the people in the cars must think my grandma just died or something. No people, I'm crying over frozen sperm!

My next phone call was to the other company the andrologist recommended. Zygen or something like that. This lady told me it would be a $900 deposit that they really wouldn't take from my account and then the shipment fee would be $475. I apologized several times before I began sobbing on the phone. I swear the people around me in traffic must have really been taking in this scene: blonde girl with black makeup running down her face, sobbing and talking to herself, driving 70mph. (they can't see the earpiece hidden in my ear). By the time I hit the exit to pick up my girlfriend, I peaked at the hot mess of my face and searched around my car for something to wipe my face off with. I found Tuesday's gym towel. Don't worry, it was clean. I forgot to take it in with me. I cleaned up my face and called my friend to let her know where I was and then I just lost it on the phone with her:

Why does this have to be so ****ing hard for us! Haven't we been through enough? Haven't we suffered enough? How is it that Kate Gosslin can get a television show about having 8 kids but I can't get some assistance with my sperm transporation for a cancer survivor? Are you ****ing kidding me! Tell me how Octomom gets all this free **** and I can't get any help! WTF is wrong with this world!!!!

We went to lunch and I felt horribly nauseated while I was eating. It reminded me of when I was pregnant with Rachel walking through the grocery store on a Friday during Lent. Ugh. We went to my appointment and I tried to be optimistic. Deanna, got to meet Dallas Hair who was sporting some super hot stockings that looked more like fishnets. We had a faceoff over the credit card machine and I reluctantly handed her the Discover card with yellow stripes and a picture of a Yorkie on it. After I paid, she gave me more financial forms to sign, this time consenting to the refund policy. I actually didn't read this until I got home and now I have questions about it. Shame on me.

Finally, my appointment with the Dildo cam. While we were waiting for the mock transfer, Deanna tells me a funny story about a time when she had to have a vaginal ultrasound and the u/s tech told her to insert the probe herself. I laughed hysterically and tried not to pee on myself (super full bladder for the mock transfer). Its hard enough to get yourself off with a standard vibrator let alone insert the dildo cam into yourself! I'm sure the audience that entered the room for the procedure was wondering what the hell was so funny. Dr. Nackley, LeeAnn (dimples) and the medical assistant all entered and set me up for the procedure. Dr. Nackley explained everthing as she was doing it and even showed me how my uterus was separating when they squirted the water in there. She again was so re-assuring when she told me that she hopes we see a baby in that spot very soon. The whole procedure took less than 15 minutes. I felt some mild cramping but no pain. When it was over, Dr. Nackley told me to wear a pad (surfboard) for a little while afterwards because some of the water may leak out when I was walking around. again: hotdog down a hallway.

The medical assistant and LeeAnn took me to another room and this is where the medical assistant, bless her heart, gave me a detailed explanation on how to draw up an injection and then give myself the injection in my stomach. I didn't say a word. I just let her teach me, a nurse:who has given about 10,000 flu shots. I look over at Deanna who has started to cry. My amazing friend who is just as emotional as I. Crying over subQ injections instead of 4 bottles of wine in Vegas. I love this woman.

The appointment ended with me speaking to the andrologist regarding the delima with my sperm. She calculates the rental of the shipper from this clinic, shipment rates and estimates this with processing and fees at about $750. ****ing Friday! :( ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77005-friday-hell-warning-contains-explicatives-lots-them.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77002-results.html Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:23:22 GMT We all have that one or two people in our lives that we tell everything too. I have a couple of those people but I also have a special person that has been my wingwoman through the beginning of this. On Monday, she text me asking if I found out the results of the AMH level and if I was able to be... We all have that one or two people in our lives that we tell everything too. I have a couple of those people but I also have a special person that has been my wingwoman through the beginning of this. On Monday, she text me asking if I found out the results of the AMH level and if I was able to be in the study. I cannot divulge her name to respect her position in this whole process but she sent me the funniest text. "Im so anxious and it's not even my ovary!". LOL Imagine how anxious my ovaries are feeling.

On Tuesday 11/15, LeeAnn called to tell me the results of my AMH level. She and Dr. Nackley had already indicated to me that mine may be a little high because of the previous number of eggs that had been harvested during my last IVF cycle (39). The cutoff is 3.0. Mine came back at 3.3 (dun, dun duuuunnnnn) But, she had submitted for a medical waiver and called it some other things and basically what I got from that is, "we are going to see if we can still keep you in the study". I'm banking on this because that is the only way I can afford to do IVF. She told me it would take a day or so to get an answer back. Another day of waiting but I felt a ray of hope even though for a split second, I felt the wind taken out of my sail. So, for now, I have to continue the birthcontrol pills and deal with these awful headaches. I swear, I don't remember getting headaches like this before I had Rachel. Ever since, at least once during the month, I get a terrible migraine. Like stuttering-your-words-I-might-appear-to-be-a-maniac-migraine.

On Wednesday, 11/16 LeeAnn called to tell me they got the waiver approved! I was so excited to get this call. She scheduled an appointment for me for a mock transfer and saline ultrasound. Again, me and the dildo cam had a date. I would also be starting Lupron injections at this appointment. Can't wait to tell you about that appointment.:smileyh: ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77002-results.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77001-oh-no-not-room.html Tue, 22 Nov 2011 14:04:35 GMT So, I started my peroid on 11/7 and had my second appointment with the clinic. Big Dallas hair was smiles and sporting another black suit. I looked around and realized that everyone there wears black suits except for the clinical staff. Looks sharp. I met with LeeAnn and her cute dimples. She drew... So, I started my peroid on 11/7 and had my second appointment with the clinic. Big Dallas hair was smiles and sporting another black suit. I looked around and realized that everyone there wears black suits except for the clinical staff. Looks sharp. I met with LeeAnn and her cute dimples. She drew my blood with a butterfly needle (didn't hurt a bit) and gave me a pack of birth control pills. These labs were fasting so I'm assuming they did my cholesterol and other typicals along with the AMH level that will determine if I can participate in the study. LeeAnn says it can take 7-11 days to get this back so in the mean time, I'm to stay on these birthcontrol pills but not take the white ones. It has been nearly 13 years since I've been on birthcontrol. (with the exception of the last ivf cycle). I also had to have an ultrasound. Oh, funny side note. I needed to empy my bladder before the ultrasound and I saw a dark room with a toilet so I started walking towards it. Just as I was about to hit the door, LeeAnn grabbed me and said, "oh no, not that one!" I looked at the sign next to the door and it said "Library". I didn't get it. LeeAnn said, "thats where the guys go". To the Library? I still didn't get it and this must have been clear by the look on my face. I saw a toilet not a row of books. LeeAnn explained that room is where the guys go to give their specimen. Ugh. So glad I didn't accidently go in there. Back to the ultrasound: Now, this was completely gross considering I'm on my (.) I apologized many times to Dr. Nackley and medical assistant. Again, Dr. Nackley told me my uterus looks "fantastic" and commented, "here is where we hope to see a baby soon". She is always so re-assuring. She counted the follicles on my ovaries and then it was over. I think me and the dildo cam have gotten along pretty well these past two weeks and I didn't even have to make it dinner! Of course, with all the gel they use in addition to being on my (.) using a tampon was like throwing a hotdog downa hallway. Instead, I used one of the pads they had in the bathroom which reminded me of a surfboard. This was only temporary. At least they have nice bathrooms. The appointment ended with LeeAnn telling me they would be calling me with the results of the AMH level and to stay on the birthcontrol pills until I hear from her. Oh vey, this is going to be a long wait! ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/77001-oh-no-not-room.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/76998-my-first-appointment-new-clinic.html Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:15:08 GMT I had my first appointment with the new fertility clinic on November 3rd. This was after several phone calls and emails with their research coordinator. I had 9 pages of demographics and health history to fill out online ahead of time. I had all papers filled out and in hand at the time of my... I had my first appointment with the new fertility clinic on November 3rd. This was after several phone calls and emails with their research coordinator. I had 9 pages of demographics and health history to fill out online ahead of time. I had all papers filled out and in hand at the time of my appointment. I had read the new patient packet online and there was explicit information regarding the consultation fee of $315. I had called the financial representative regarding billing my consult to my insurance company. I do not have fertility coverage but specialists are covered. I asked this lady to speak with the doctor regarding my situation and she was supposed to get back to me BEFORE my appointment. Of course, they called and verified that I do not have fertility coverage and never returned my call. When I arrived for my appointment, the lady at the front desk asked me 3 questions. 1. Do I have the paperwork that I was supposed to print, fill out and bring (check). 2. Do I have my picture ID and my insurance card (check) 3. Do I have my $315 for my consultation (crickets). I explain to this lady (her name is April) that I was awaiting a phone call back regarding the use an any other diagnosis besides infertility and that I AM NOT INFERTILE!!! She very sweetly asks me to take a seat as she slides the glass door closed that separated her and I, and disappears from the desk. A few minutes later, a woman clad in black dress suit, fishnet type tights, stilletos and Dallas hair requests my attendance in her office. We sit down and she starts to tell me about insurance blah x 3. I interrupt her and ask, "if I were in a relationship with a female and desired pregnancy and wanted to use frozen sperm, would you label me infertile?" Her response: yes. I told her immediately that labeling people who are otherwise reproductively challenged for other than biological reasons was absolutely inappropriate! We had reached a stalemate. She sat there with her big Dallas hair and crossed legs, me in my business suit and crossed arms. It was a silent battle of wills and I waived the white flag as I pulled my checkbook out of my purse. Clearly I wasn't going to get past her office until I paid the fee. I don't remember paying a consultation fee at the first clinic I used. Maybe the doctor decided to waive it given the HELL my husband and I had aldready been through. I had to grit my teeth writing that check knowing that things were going to be excruciatingly tight for the following two weeks.

As soon as the receipt was printed and handed to me, it was liked I walked into a whole new office. Everyone was chatty and smiling. I was taken back to another room where a woman reviewed my health history. She never even gave me her name. She asked me all the questions I had already filled out on the 9 pages from my online profile. From there I was taken to meet Dr. Nackley. She was kind and patient. She didn't ask many questions but I gather from my emails with the research coordinator and front desk, she figured I already knew what I wanted, and we avoided the small talk. We went straight for the ultrasound and there she examined my uterus and ovaries. Everything looked good preliminarily and then we discussed the qualifications to participate in the drug study. I needed to have a special blood test done that tests my ovarian reserve, called an AMH level. They kept saying what sounded like "antimalarian" hormone and I told them I'd never been to a country with Malaria. No one responded to this statement. After researching this fancy new test later, I realize now they were saying "anti-Mullarian" hormone.

From the ultrasound room, I had my meeting with LeeAnn. I was hoping our in person meeting would go better than our email meeting. (lets say we didn't get off to a great start). LeeAnn will be my point of contact for this whole process. She has adorable dimples and she dyes her hair dark, which looks great. Definately NOT Dallas hair. I asked to sign any and all papers I could to initiate the study protocol. For now, I just have to wait and see when my peroid starts. I have to begin the study medication by a certain date and I have to get past several screening phases to participate in the study. This will reduce the cost of the invitro to $6500, including ALL medications and IGSI. I was excited and nervous when I left the office.

Now I just have to wait until the elusive .;) ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/76998-my-first-appointment-new-clinic.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/76996-dont-label-me-infertile-how-i-got-here.html Mon, 21 Nov 2011 14:47:47 GMT How I got here: I met Kevin when I was 16 years old. I had a summertime babysitting job and they happened to have a car for sale and it was listed in the paper. I happen to answer the phone one day and it was someone interested in the car. I told him he would have to call back to speak with the... How I got here:
I met Kevin when I was 16 years old. I had a summertime babysitting job and they happened to have a car for sale and it was listed in the paper. I happen to answer the phone one day and it was someone interested in the car. I told him he would have to call back to speak with the owners. The very next day, he called again. And again, I told him to call back. He persisted, everyday for about a week, calling about the car. I was at the house the day he came to look at the car and I was head over heels in love immediately! Due to our age difference, nothing ever became of this except a high school crush. We eventually found each other again and started dating when I was 19 years old. It was May of 1998. I was in nursing school and Kevin had just bought a house. On Valentine’s day,1999, Kevin proposed!! I was so excited to say yes!

The summer of 1999, we had our engagement party and planned to get married the following year, July 15, 2000. That was the exact Saturday between our birthdays. I had planned to continue in college full time while Kevin worked. I wanted to be a nurse practitioner. We had our life’s plan. Kevin started to not feel well and had to go to the doctors several times that summer. By Kevin’s 25th birthday (August 1999) he had been diagnosed with Leukemia. I felt the world around me come crashing down. Here I was, planning my dream wedding, he had bought our dream home, we were
planning the rest of our lives together and now this. Due to the severity of his leukemia, Kevin needed to have a bone marrow transplant as soon as a donor was found. His brother turned out to be a perfect match and Kevin was scheduled to enter the hospital on Monday, October 11, 2000.

The Wednesday before the Monday he was to be admitted, we had been driving home from one
of his appointments and Kevin pulled over. He was crying. He turned and looked at me and said these words that I will remember for the rest of my life. He said, “Amber, I don’t want to go into the hospital and never have had the chance to be married to you.” We called our parents and asked for their blessings to get married that weekend. Everyone was supportive and between his parents and some family friends, we had a small wedding at his parents cabin in Lake Gaston. We spent only one night as husband and wife before he had to check into the hospital. We only saw each other on weekends so that I could work and try to support our household. Suddenly, I became responsible for our home and paying all the bills. I'd only ever lived at home with my parents and briefly in an apartment prior to getting married! Kevin was in the hospital until December, right before Christmas.

His recovery has taken a long time and financially, took a toll on us. We eventually had to sell our beautiful dream home and it took many years to get back on our feet. More than ten years later, we are still repairing the effects those years took on our lives. There were times I had to make a choice between buying $150 in prescriptions to keep him alive or pay the electric bill. Many times, we chose to live by candles and eat like college kids. We were so young.

In 2006, we were given an amazing gift by a friend that took us to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and things in our lives were starting to look up. I was about to graduate from college which I had been going to part-time since finding out Kevin was sick. Kevin was back to work and feeling stronger. It was Thanksgiving, and I was sitting at a table of 18 of our family and friends and I looked around and it was then that I realized: Kevin’s sister was pregnant, Kevin’s sister in law was pregnant and both of my sister’s were pregnant. And, I mean, pregnant enough to be showing. I grabbed the bottle of wine off the table and locked myself in the bathroom for the rest of the night. This was the first time I had come to realize that my dreams of becoming a mother were probably never
going to happen. I suddenly felt like I was being suffocated and this began to consume me. I realized then for me, it was not OK to not have children and I began to contemplate my marriage. I confided in Kevin that not having children was not something that I could live with.

Luckily, when Kevin found out he was sick, a doctor friend of ours urged us to bank his sperm before he started treatment. There was only such a short time to do this but, I am thankful we did. That December, 2006, I went to see a nurse midwife friend of mine and told her about the events of Thanksgiving dinner. She told me about a fertility clinic called Shadygrove in Maryland. I scheduled an appointment and a friend of mine went with me for the road trip (4 hours each way). We planned to make a day of shopping at the outlets after my appointment. I remember meeting Dr. Levy for the first time and before he had a chance to talk, I asked him only one thing. "Please don't label me infertile! I am not infertile. I just need the egg and sperm to meet each other outside of my body and for you to get it where it needs to be!" You see, it was a simple matter of logistics.

Our lives changed that day I walked into his office. I remember noticing that he had a collection of fertility Gods he had collected from all the countries he had ever visited. One of them caught my attention right away and I pulled from my purse, the exact same one. I had gotten it at a fair. It was from South Africa. The woman who had sold it to me told me that she could tell I needed it and that this one had been blessed. I felt like this was a sign! Dr. Levy pulled out a sheet of paper and he
drew three columns. In each column he wrote out my options and how much it was going to cost me. I started to feel sick and dizzy. There were numbers with numerous zeros and amounts of money that I knew I was not capable of getting. At the end of this, he drew an X over all of them and told me he wanted me to participate in a drug study. This was going to be the best option financially for us. He introduced me to nurse Tasha. What was supposed to be an hour consultation, turned into a three hour appointment. They did all the screening and work up necessary to start the invitro process with my next cycle. This was a Friday. On Saturday, I started my period and with that, the start of the cycle.

Due to the logistics of where the clinic was and where I lived, I found it easier to go up the night before, have my appointments first thing in the morning, and then drive back to town. This was easy 4 hours of driving each way. On the day I was supposed to start my injectables, Kevin’s dad (Bob) had gone with me for the appointment. I had to have someone with me and he was up for the drive.
That morning, as we pulled into the parking lot of the clinic, we got a call that Bob’s mother had just passed away. We sat in the car in silence and I just reached over and held his and. I felt a crushing sensation in my chest as I offered to cancel the appointment and go home so that he could go be with the family, but he insisted I have my appointment. That was one of the longest and most
emotional days of this whole process. At the funeral and burial, we were standing outside and I remember feeling so cold but a strange calmness came over me as we were all standing outside saying our last goodbyes. At the supper afterwards, everyone kept reminding me that when there is a death, there is a birth, and that Gram would take care of us. After that day, with every appointment in Maryland, I notided it would snow the same way it did when we were at the funeral. I always felt like that was Gram’s way of letting us know she was there.

I found out on superbowl Sunday (February) that I was pregnant. My sister had an extra pregnancy test from when she found out she was pregnant and gave it to me. It was in the wrapper but had no box. I peed on the stick and waited for a good 3 minutes since I didn't have the instructions. I saw two faint lines. I remember from my teenage years that two lines generally meant pregnant but these were two different colors. One was blue, one was pink. I walked into the garage and said to Kevin, "I think I'm pregnant". He asked me if I was sure and I laughed and said, I didn't know since I didn't have the instructions but there were two lines!!! Since I worked for a doctor at the time, I went in early the next morning and had my blood drawn. That was one of the longest hours ever! I could hear the fax ring a mile a way and I jumped in anticipation for that white piece of paper to finish printing. I was crying before the paper could even cool off. There it was, in black and white. Three digit numbers.

Since I had participated in a drug study, they followed my pregnancy until I was 12 weeks. On the day of my last appointment with Shadygrove, they gave me a check for all of my money back stating the drug study had been funded in full. I will always wonder the true circumstances of why they
refunded my money.

To bring this story full circle: the baby was due October 18, 2007. On
September 11, the baby (Bambi is what we called it because we didn't know the sex) decided to try and make an appearance early and I was put on bedrest and medication to slow the pre-term labor. Rachel was born on October 11, 2007 at 5:20pm. Exactly 8 years from the date that Kevin checked into the hospital for his Leukemia treatment. She has been a blessing to us. We absolutely feel our lives are complete with her. She is 4 years old now and we are so thankful for the experience of being parents.

We recently decided we’d like to try for another baby. We live in Dallas now and have found a clinic that was recommended to us by Shadygrove. We need to participate in another drug study to assist us financially. My next blog will be about my first appointment with Center for Assisted Reproduction in Bedford Texas. ]]> play1mate3 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/play1mate3/76996-dont-label-me-infertile-how-i-got-here.html