We just finally paid off Andrew's hospital bill.....YEAH...WE finally "own" him...LOL

Now we can finally pay off mine!!

Thank God, my children arent sickly.....Heaven knows I couldnt afford it!!!

PS...I hate health Ins. Thank God I have it, but still I HATE THEM!!!

BTW
Andrew was one on the 29th of December!!!!!!!

I have been feeling kinda sad lately...and I was trying to figure out why...

I have been going through my babies clothes....sorting them...trying to sell them on Ebay( not going very well)

But I think the reason I am sad....as I know this is it...no more babies at my house! Andrew will and is the last one!

I am trying to sell our swing, which will be a great thing....but still it would be nice to think we might have another little one who would love...

Yeap its here....the day my world changed forever...and the day NO ONE remembers but me! Life goes on for everyone, but me....mine changed forever!

It's Claire's birthday....no one remembers but me....no cake...no balloons....just visited the cemetary...by myself. No one remembers.

The day my world changed forever....no one remembers

Today because of my daughter....the lady at the hospital has beautiful baby pictures of her baby......I have awful...

I really miss my friend. I dont know what I did or didnt do....but I miss her! no notes...no emails....no nothing, what did I do?? It must have been really bad. I had a baby.....but I didnt get to share it with her....he was sick...in the hospital....I was worried sick, but I didnt get to share that with her, she didnt return my emails. No messages from her, she was a great friend, I miss her.

her kids..mykids they were to marry some day we joked, no more jokes....
...

kind of sad to see summer over.....My baby A is growing so fast. He is so much fun to be around now! I love him more and more each day....The other two are fighting all the time....They are driving me crazy. Thank god B is going to school soon. Not sure J can take much more beatings...but then again, he asks for it a lot of the time.

gotta go....the fighting has started again...
ahhhhhhhhhh

It will soon be here.....The start of the school year always brings the feeling....It is coming....nothing I can do about it.

CLAIRE'S Birthday.....she should only be 18months old.....she should be learning how to talk walk...ect

I shouldnt have to feel this way. I shouldnt have to start every school year sad....remembering how happy I was two years ago...I was pg...This was going to be my year...I was going to have a healthy little girl...I hoped...but I would have...

Okay will I ever be ready for this baby??? Dh has been out of town for the last week and a half. The boys have both been sick...at different times....and I am having a BABY...soon! His room still looks like our junk room! He has no clean clothes...but at least I bought him laundry soap! I will wash his clothes soon.....and fold and put away at least some of them...right???

His mattress is still in the rafters in the garage....And I am soooooo tired all the time! ...

Well another week has passed....and another week we are closer to Andrew's birthday. We are set for the 29th...so unless he has other ideas....that will forever be his birthday. I am excited...worried...nervous. I didnt have these type of feelings with my other two....just excitement.....

The NSTest are getting old....or at least trying to schedule them and dr appts....and now a peri appt too....I will see a dr everyday this week except for Tuesday....and in the mean time try to...

Wow so much time has passed...here I am 32 weeks...he is a nice active baby....thanks....so I dont have to worry about that...I worry enough! He is passing all his NST's with flying colors....20min is enough for us to see he is nice and reactive! It would be nice if he could calm down enough to at least not seem spasdic! I have to go 2x' a week for these NST....I hope they are worth it!

Only 5 more weeks left Andrew until I know I will see your beautiful little face! Please...

majic..why?? Because as every loss mom knows...that is the point of viability! Why do I wait for this week like it is a saving grace?? I am scared every single day that I am going to have to plan another funeral....this baby too will die....why?? Because! I wonder if I am ment to have anymore children. eventhough the drs reassure me everything looks great...I keep waiting...I know even uneventful pgs sometimes end with death....I have met these women. I know their pain....I cry with them....