momtocole

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I don't remember when this conversation was, but it was recent. I was having a really tough day and talking to dh about it. I seriously go through periods of such guilt that I ruined his life and I used to be such a fun, happy girl and now I can be so vile that it's shocking.
He was so comforting but said something in particular that I want to remember. He told me that he's not looking for the "old Becky"-that's not who he wants and not who he expects me to be. He is so in this ...

I just packed up my maternity clothes. And I'm feeling ok. Sad, but ok. I don't know why, but I woke up and thought, that's what I should do today. I forgot that I had bought nursing shirts too. I bought them way before we were even ttc-I just knew that I would nurse a baby someday. I bought most of those clothes shopping with my mom. It was such a fun day. It was the first time she really got to see my little bump I never got to wear most of those clothes, but they are so cute. Totally my style. ...

I'm already starting to feel very defensive about people thinking I'm a "new mom" when our daughter gets home. I am not a new mom, I'm just not lucky enough to have had the opportunity to have sleepless nights and a crying baby and everything that goes along with that "new mom" territory. I should have experienced all those firsts already...they should have been with Cole. I've just been so angry and sorry for myself. I have a hard time touching or looking at baby things in public ...

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Cole's First Birthday
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Pictures: http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=420215
http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/foru...d.php?t=420220

I don't know why I never noticed the name of this smiley before, but I just did now. "love child". We created a website when we were pregnant with Cole with pictures and info. about the baby and the pregnancy and it was titled "The H-S (our last names) Love Child".
My little love child should be here.

April 28, 2005
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I remember that I slept in this morning. I got up and puttered around the house. I felt like doing some cleaning, so I took off my rings and cleaned the top of the stove. I think that Steve took a half day from work, so when he got home we got in the truck and drove to our routine midwife visit. I loved those drives-it gave us time to talk about the baby and the future and names and stuff like that. When we got there my urine was fine (protein ...

(Berni, I'm stealing your idea )
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April 27, 2005:

I went to work at my full time job, was feeling tired, but didn't really mind. Left work with a friend and drove to my house where another friend met up with us because we were going to a concert that night. DH made us dinner. I remember it was a yummy, huge stirfry with tempeh and potatoes and rice and veggies and pineapples. He made that a lot when I was pregnant. I loved it. ...