Mommy2APrincess

Can I download my blog anymore?

Haven't posted an entry in forever but want to keep my thoughts for when my membership runs out.

Please tell me there's a way I can keep it!!

Carson's surgery went on yesterday morning as planned. I was very happy that I got up earlier than I planned and got down there because the surgery was actually moved UP to 9:00. I got there about 8:30 and got to spend a good 20 minutes holding him before we went down. They were prompt - the phone rang right at 9:00 and the NICU nurse and I walked him down in a travelling isolette. I was a mess on the way down - he looked so sweet laying there, no idea what was in store for him.

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Forgive me, Carson, for delivering you so soon. I'm holding you in my lap - abundle of clothes, tubes and wires. Are you really sleeping? Do you feel my love? Do you even recognize who I am? Do you feel pain? Can I take over some of it? They tell me you're strong and determined, and I'm really starting to believe it. One day, I know we'll laugh and play together - me, you, Bianca and Aiden. Then guilt comes back to stop the good fantasies. To remind me that my body betrayed you when you ...

Got to go spend an hour and half with Carson last night. It was so hard - because his white blood cell is so low he's on protective watch and I had to wear a gown, mask and gloves to see him. I couldn't feel his skin and I couldn't kiss him good-bye. It was really rough on me. He was in some pain - when I got there he was on his belly because it helps him breathe better, and after half an hour into my visit he was screaming in pain and literally scooting up the isolette bed to try and get comfortable. ...

My poor Carson isn't doing so well tonight. He's been having some episodes (As, Bs and Ds) and is tonight having his 2nd blood transfusion in 2 days. They ran a CRP which came back high, indicating some sort of infection. He had a belly film that came back good, although that was yesterday and today is belly is distended and round.

His feeds have been stopped, he's on medication for sepsis, he's back on a nasal canula (after being without for almost a month now) and he's in a bed ...

Sunday night went well - it was nice having my baby to myself for a while! Of course, the nurse was in and out a few times to check vitals and all that - but he did great. We did great. The monitor kinda drove me crazy from false alarms - false because the leads kept coming off! I was starting to regret that decision.

And so yesterday he got his discharge papers. They were kinda tough to read - it dated back to how they got him as a patient and his birth. One sentence gets me ...

Well, tonight will be the last time I get a good night's sleep for a while!!! Tomorrow night I room in at the hospital and Monday morning when I leave I'm bringing Aiden HOME WITH ME!!! Yes, it's true - and almost a little surreal feeling - but the hospital weighed the options of Monday versus Wednesday and it does appear that Monday will be the better day to travel with him. (Not to mention he doesn't need to be there anymore and they need the bed space) I'm so excited and a bit sad, too. ...

Weird as it may be - Obama is keeping me from my boys!! Aiden was supposed to be discharged on Monday - but because of events surrounding the hospital streets, it looks very good that it may be delayed until Wednesday. With reason, they have big concerns about the time it will take me to get home - they don't want him in the car for too long. And I'm checking the news sites daily for closures and I don't think I'll be able to get him home without a long trip. The main bridges and routes ...

Great visit with the boys today! For one they got their 7 weeks 'birthday cards' from Dr. Steve. WOW - 7 weeks! Some days it feels like yesterday, some feel like 7 months.

We're definitely prepping to get Aiden home now! Tomorrow morning the monitoring center will meet with me to go over how to use Aiden's monitor. I will also get the prescriptions for his reglan and zantact. His car seat test should be Saturday or Sunday - his caffeine was stopped yesterday and they want to ...

Had a good visit yesterday even though I didn't go it alone. Every now and then I grow a heart and get appreciative of the things MIL does - and this time I invited her to the hospital with me. She was very excited - so she said, she doesn't seem to show much emotion with me. And to prove I really can be a nice person, as soon as we got there I plopped Carson in her arm. Then just to get it over with I plopped Aiden in her other arm. And because I really can be nice - I even took pictures. ...