http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/ Infertility and Adoption online interactive support community for your family-building efforts. Information and discussion includes infertility, adoption, pregnancy, parenting and surrogacy issues. en Thu, 23 May 2013 00:40:37 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/ http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/38219-shameless-mummy-bragging.html Sat, 17 Feb 2007 00:34:56 GMT My boy - only 2yrs and 2mo old is fully toilet trained. He wouldn't even use a potty :yikes: He likes to 'wee' outside on the grass, and poop on the toilet. Of course we have to stand with him while he poops :rolleyes: He likes an audience, and he needs a little help wiping his bum (he tries though). But we haven't had an accident in a week.

And I did nothing :shrug: He did all this by himself... He started peeing outside just before his 2nd b'day and the rest just followed. He's even night time trained...

I'm impressed, and very glad! No more nappies :clap: ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/38219-shameless-mummy-bragging.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39419-nl.html Wed, 31 Jan 2007 20:38:32 GMT From your heart to my ears. Thank you. I love you. From your heart to my ears.

Thank you.

I love you. ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39419-nl.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39741-mood-swings.html Sat, 27 Jan 2007 11:22:10 GMT Blogging this, in hopes that I can see how I got to this point. And as a reminder to me never to let me get to this point again. This is a very different blog to the ones I have done lately, so if you are feeling fragile, probably not a good idea to keep reading... Deep Breath. Where do I... Blogging this, in hopes that I can see how I got to this point. And as a reminder to me never to let me get to this point again. This is a very different blog to the ones I have done lately, so if you are feeling fragile, probably not a good idea to keep reading...

Deep Breath. Where do I start. I am stunned and saddened that my life has turned out like this. I am 36 years old - that in itself stuns me. Where has all the time gone?

MARRIAGE: I have been with my husband (Stacy) for most of my adult life. I was 22 when I met him, 27 when we got married. We have been together 14 going on 15 years. I never thought I would want to be with anyone else. he has been my life forever. Everything I do, every decision I make is with Stacy in mind. I always thought that he was my soul mate. But he hurt me. He cheated on me. But is he responsible or me? I asked for the seperation, I told him that whatever happened while we were apart was ancient history. Until HE slept with someone else and I didn't. I did have another guy I was interested when we first seperated, but the more time I spent away from Stacy, the more I realised I loved him. So we started reconcilling, spending weekends together etc. That was when he slept with another woman.... Most of the time I can handle it, as long as I don't get a minds eye. If that happens, I nearly throw up. I get resentful... I know I need to let it go, but man, it hurts sooo bad. And he knows what a mistake it was. He told me (in his words) 'as soon as it was finished I KNEW it was the biggest f&*k up I had ever made in my life. I felt like sh*t and promised myself that I would never put myself in that position ever again' I believe him. Or I do most of the time. But there's doubt now. Will it EVER go away? Or is that trust gone forever? I hope not. Cause then that would mean that really my marriage is over, and I don't know if I am ready for that. How do you leave someone you have loved for most of your adult life? How do you start again? How do you go from being a family to being a broken family? How do you stop hearts (mine, his, the kids) breaking????? :confused: Is there any kind of multiple choice forum I can go to, pick my answers and it will tell me what I have to do???? *sob*

KIDS: my kids are wonderful, loving, gorgeous little creatures, who deserve so much more and better. I don't know if it's too much loss, too much heartache with IF and loss, or just long term IF. BUT, sometimes when I look at them, I really really can't believe that they are mine. I mean I know they are, I birthed them. And you can't fake THAT!! But it's like I forget that they are actually MY kids... Like I'm looking after them for someone. And very soon they are going to come back and take THEIR kids back... But it's like sometimes I actually forget that they were made by me and Stacy and they are OURS. It breaks my heart that I seem to have the disconnection with them. Like I'm scared to give them my everything. Guarded heart I guess. Maybe it's because of my childhood. I love them, but I don't want to love them too deep, but then I can't help it cause I fall in love with them all over again as the new day starts. I would die for them in a second. But sometimes I feel like I'm putting up barriers. Is this normal??? Am I even making sense?

FAMILY: we have always described ourselves as family orientated people. We have surrounded ourselves with family, both my side and Stacy's. We have spent more time living with family, then we have living together as our own family. So why is it that right at this moment we are in conflict with nearly every member of BOTH our families. Can't be them. It must be us. What are we doing wrong? They all seem to be so self-centred and absorbed at the moment. Or is that me?? I feel resentful to MY family because none of them can see (or they don't seem to) just how much I am NOT coping at the moment, they know my issues with work, marriage and money and yet I still get phone calls because I have 'upset' them.... I feel like Sid out of Ice Age 1 - 'does anyone care about Sid the Sloth?' But maybe they do, and because I am so miserable at the moment, I am looking for someone to save me, to pity me, to fix this mess I call my life; for me. Maybe I am way too demanding.... Is it really possible that family not wanting us in their lives is because WE are awful people and not them. After all, there is only 2 of us, and around 7 of them not talking to us,. Odds are we are the problem. So if that is the case, how do we fix it?

CAREER: I am in a good paying job that I get no job satisfaction out of. I like it enough, once I get there, and I love the people. But it takes all my energy and the fact that I know my kids have to have a roof over their heads and food on the table to make me go... I have been in my organisation for over 10 years now. Maybe I'm stale. I keep thinking that this is NOT what I want to be doing for a career when I grow up! Then I realise I was supposed to grow up years ago. If I truly want a grown up career, it's got to be done NOW!!! More pressure....

HEALTH: This scares me. Not my health, as far as I know I'm as healthy as a horse. I am losing weight, and exercising a little more, so that's got to be all good. It's Stacy's that scares me. He is so thin. He only weighs 72kgs and is 6"3... I know that's way too skinny. He is trying so hard to be the man of the family, to step up to the plate, but he is running on nervous energy. As much as he says it doesn't bother him about fighting with his family, I know it does. It's killing him.... And the only people he really got on with in my family is my Sis and BIL and they also dug the knife in to us just this past week. He is beyond hurt, he is lost. And it's scaring me. He doesn't have the physical strength to deal with all this stuff at the moment, and I can see him getting worse and worse everyday. But life has to go on. He has to go to work, he has to deal with his family, he has to be the husband and father we need him to be. He is dealing with giving up an alcohol dependency, and he is trying so hard.... I love him for it, but it scares me. I know if I do leave, he won't last. I know that. And I can't live with that. ever....

I can't do anymore at this point. Everything is blurry. But I need to finish this. And I will. Dh is due home any minute as well, and he doesn't know about FT blogs. He knows about FT, but not about the blogs. And I want to keep that to me for now.... ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39741-mood-swings.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39890-one-more-blog-i-promise-lol-now-vote-australian-year.html Thu, 25 Jan 2007 12:32:00 GMT I know he's gone, but it's got to be Steve Irwin :smileyh:

Me n my kids miss you Steve... ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39890-one-more-blog-i-promise-lol-now-vote-australian-year.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39894-who-should-get-unaustralian-year-award.html Thu, 25 Jan 2007 10:58:11 GMT I heard this on the radio this morning... Who gets your vote?

They pointed out Matthew Newton.

Bloody unAustralian to go and flog up poor little Brooke Satchwell.. She's a darling..

wonder what Moonface thinks of his baby boy now... ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39894-who-should-get-unaustralian-year-award.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39895-so-proud-aussie.html Thu, 25 Jan 2007 10:55:42 GMT Happy Australia Day guys!! I LOVE that I can call this country my home... It just rocks being Australian.. :tongue: Happy Australia Day guys!!

I LOVE that I can call this country my home... It just rocks being Australian.. :tongue: ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39895-so-proud-aussie.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39899-weight-loss-houston-we-have-hip-bones.html Thu, 25 Jan 2007 10:17:23 GMT By crikey!! After many years of being MIA, I have found my hip bones again :D
I have now lost 23 kgs in total. I have no idea what that is in lbs. Maybe 45????

20 to go :) :) :)

BTW, I'm stunned at how much attn I am getting. What is it? I've lost some weight and all of a sudden I'm getting chatted up, stared at, flirted with... It's flattering, but can you not see the band of (white) gold on my left hand????

Poor DH. He's not quite sure what to do with this new body - I think this is the lightest I have been in our relationship ever.

I asked him the other day what he was going to do with it (my changing body) and he said ummmmmmmm bang it all day long!!! :yikes:

He is soooo crude.... :laugh: ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39899-weight-loss-houston-we-have-hip-bones.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39900-thoughts-m-s-infant-loss-ment.html Thu, 25 Jan 2007 10:11:29 GMT I blogged last year about my dear friend M who lost her baby girl Kasey at 17.5wks due to an incompetent cervix.

M & S are pg again (12wks), and M had her cerclage placed earlier this week in hopes that she will be able to carry this little one to term. She is on bedrest for the rest of the week and then they will see how it goes after that.

I am confident. We have to be. And the fact that MY wonderful Ob Roger did the stitch, well that just makes me even more confident. He is truly a wonderful doctor and a brilliant surgeon.

So if you could all join my in positive thoughts from around the world, that M & S bring their gorgeous baby home in July/August :D ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/39900-thoughts-m-s-infant-loss-ment.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/46720-im-baaaackk.html Tue, 26 Sep 2006 20:16:56 GMT Note to self: don't stay away from FT so long next time. You really do have friends here.....

SO much has happened to us. Life changing events... But stuff I have to keep private for now.

But, I do have two things to blog about....

Firstly I am losing weight..... I am down over 9 kgs now, which for my USA friends, is just over 20lbs I'm thinking....

Secondly I have a script for clomid in my bag... :yikes: DH and I are 'considering' going for # 3. But....

1. I hate clomid, it turns me into evil witch #9. Dh asked if there was any other drug in the whole world (apart from injectibles) that I could use instead of clomid... :laugh: don't think he's keen on the mood swings ;)

2. I'm so scared of another loss. After 3 miscarriages, and 2 live births, I'm not confident on the odds. As much as I would love another baby, I'm just not sure I can handle another loss...

3. Scared of being pg again... Not the best pg person. GD, HBP and the fact that I worry myself stupid 24X7 about bub... That's me, Mrs Neurotic who listens to bub on babybeat 6 times a day everyday!

4. I'm 36 going on to 37, what about birth anomolies....

Oh I don't know. That's exactly the reason why the clomid script is in my bag and not being filled at the pharmacy....

But I did get 2 spontaneous periods since losing some weight, wouldn't a natural pg be a huge suprise??? Doubt it :tongue: ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/46720-im-baaaackk.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/52025-so-much-death-around.html Tue, 16 May 2006 07:00:22 GMT :( My dh's Uncle died early last week. Unexpected heartattack at. He lost his home and retirement plan in Cyclone Larry. The funeral was today. DH's cousin died late last week at 51. His funeral is on Friday. And now, today, i found out my workmate has died after a long battle with cancer. He was only 49. Ever since the cyclone, there just seems to so much death.... (my SIL has lost 3 family members in 6 weeks as well).

Rambling thoughts on Warren. I loved working so closely with him. He was such a passionate, dedicated and energetic man. Loved his community, dedicated to his (our) work. Amazing. Warren left behind a loving wife K, and 2 beautiful children.

I'm glad your battle is over my friend, but you will be missed. I promise not to shed any more tears than necessary, because that's just not the Warren way. ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/52025-so-much-death-around.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/52669-usual-result.html Tue, 02 May 2006 07:11:15 GMT BFN. Not heartbroken. But little disappointed. I doubt we will ever be one of those 'natural' pg people. But hey! at the end of the day, I adore :smileyh: my pigeon pair, so life is good!

And now, true to schedule, AF should show up within the next 2 days :laugh: ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/52669-usual-result.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/52691-update.html Mon, 01 May 2006 21:34:30 GMT Well AF didn't turn up. My bb's have been tingling still....

Gonna POAS today. iknow it will be one line, but at least AF will turn up after that.

Going to the bank today to see about another homeloan. Wish us luck. ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/52691-update.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/53812-hmmmmm.html Wed, 05 Apr 2006 06:10:25 GMT *heartburn
*sore bb's (the outer sides)
*cramping
*horrible taste in my mouth constantly

Waiting for AF in the next 7 days!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/53812-hmmmmm.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/54734-cd1.html Thu, 16 Mar 2006 09:12:08 GMT It's been a long long long time since I've typed thoses characters...

cd1....

Am I (really) tracking my cycle...

Hmmm, I'll have to think on this one. Tomorrow. Tonight is my TV night :D

Vegas, LOST and Amazing Race. Doesn't get much better than that! ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/54734-cd1.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/54735-spontaneous-af.html Thu, 16 Mar 2006 09:10:45 GMT WOW. For a PCOer that a BIG thing.

But I've had quite a few regular periods since Will's birth. I've decided to track them. Who knows, maybe I could possibly, slim chance of, ovulating on my own??!! :shrug:

Anyway, for the record: cd1 March 14th ]]> MarieOz http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/marieoz/54735-spontaneous-af.html