You know you're Italian...
by, 01-12-2009 at 04:33 PM (145 Views)
I think this is hysterical...totally stereotypical but true. My parents are "off the boat" and as I am first generation Italo-American, I can laugh at this and not be offended.
You Know Your Italian When:
You have a nonna.
You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00
You know what a rice ball really tastes like.
Your car has a green red and a white bow with a horn attached on the mirror!
You know the words to Dominick the Donkey!
On Christmas Eve you eat only fish
Your favorite slow song: Ti Amo
The Godfather is your role model
You love Nutella...anytime...
Your nonna's meat balls are the best
You always dress to impress
You always gotta have a clean pair of Fila's
You love Versace, Gucci, Prada, Armani, just cause there Italian.
Favorite movies: Godfather, Good Fellas, Bronx Tale, The Last Don... and you live by them.
Guys gotta respect their women...or else...
You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you by either your mother or your nonna.
Pasta, pasta, pasta everyday.
Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo.
You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.
Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.
At least 5 of your cousins live on your street. All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
If someone in your family grows beyond 5'11", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
At some point in your life, you were a D.J
30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone. TOTALLY TRUE!!!
You have been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.
Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.
You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.
You have at least one sister or cousing that went to Beauty School.
Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.
It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.
Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."
You have many relatives named either Joe or Mary...
You grew up in a small house, but you still had two kitchens. (One was in the basement)
Your grandfather had a fig tree
You've always wanted a red Ferrari
Connie Francis songs makes you cry
At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone
You feel strangely comfortable when you sit on plastic-covered furniture
You know all the words to "That's Amore"
You are offended when the wedding you attend serves less than 9 courses despite the fact that you don't eat half of it.
You ask "How much for cash?" when buying but will accept 'gifts' in exchange for cash when selling.
You are not materialistic but insist a $500 wedding present is nothing.
You think having a concrete backyard is nice.
You think having swans in a big fountain in the front yard next to the veggie patch is tasteful.
You actually believe everyone eats those sugared almonds in the bonboniere at your wedding.
You always have a friend who 'owes you a favor'.
You're proud to be Italian
Your mother thinks you have an eating disorder if you refuse a second helping of food.
You have grape vines in your yard.
Your house is a mini church with just as many statues of Jesus and saints as a church itself
You decorate your walls with plates
When you walk into your house, the smell of tomatoes punches you in the face!
Salad is to be eaten with your food, not before it
Garlic is considered a food group.
Your throat hurts? Swallow a teaspoon of olive oil!
You consider red wine the eighth wonder of the world.
When you and your family get together and talk, the noise is deafening!
Italian kids vs. American kids
American kids: Move out when they're 18 with the full support of their parents.
Italian kids: Move out when they're 28, having saved enough money for a house, and are two weeks away from getting married....unless there's room in the basement for the newlyweds.
American kids: When their Mom visits them, she brings a Bundt cake, and you sip coffee and chat.
Italian kids: When their Mom visits them, she brings 3 days worth of food, begins to tidy up, dust, do the laundry, and rearrange the furniture.
American kids: Their dads always call before they come over to visit them, and it's usually only on special occasions.
Italian kids: Are not at all fazed when their dads show up, unannounced, on a Saturday morning at 8:00, and starts pruning the fruit trees. If there are no fruit trees, he'll plant some.
American kids: Always pay retail, and look in the Yellow Pages when they need to have something done.
Italian kids: Call their dad or uncle, and ask for another dad's or uncle's phone number to get it done...cash deal. Know what I mean??
American kids: Will come over for cake and coffee, and get only cake and coffee. No more.
Italian kids: Will come over for cake and coffee, and get antipasto, wine, a pasta dish, a choice of two meats, salad, bread, a cannoli, fruit, espresso, and a few after dinner drinks.
American kids: Will greet you with "Hello" or "Hi".
Italian kids: Will give you a big hug, a kiss on your cheek, and a pat on your back.
American kids: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
Italian kids: Call your parents Mom and Dad.
American kids: Have never seen you cry.
Italian kids: Cry with you.
American kids: Borrow your stuff for a few days and then return it.
Italian kids: Keep your stuff so long, they forget it's yours.
American kids: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
Italian kids: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together.
American kids: Know few things about you.
Italian kids: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
American kids: Eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on soft mushy white bread.
Italian kids: Eat Genoa Salami and Provolone sandwiches on crusty Italian bread.
American kids: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
Italian kids: Will kick the whole crowds' ass who left you behind.
American kids: Are for a while.
Italian kids: Are for life.
American kids: Like Rod Stewart, and Steve Tyrell.
Italian kids: Worship Tony Bennett, and Sinatra
American kids: Think that being Italian is cool.
Italian kids: Know that being Italian is cool.