kelkamp

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I am so sad. Sad, sad, sad, sad.

I just had to sit across a table from KK and look at her pregnant belly. I just really wanted to puke.

I just know that she was pg this summer (or trying) when she pulled the crap with me when she did not support our adoption and refused to talk to me. I just know that she flat out lied to me when I asked her if that was why she was having a hard time with our adoption plans.

Any shred of friendship between ...

Going to look at a REAL 5 br house tonight after work...hee hee...just for fun! Dh is all for going to look...

Referral time for China is being listed at 9-10 mos now..that puts us traveling in Aug/Sept if things dont get any worse...so I am almost to the point, if things dont get any worse, of being "pregnant" in the sense that our China baby will (maybe?) be here in about 9 months... ...wish it was shorter though.

Oh well, maybe time to get M potty trained ...

Started to look at 5 bedroom houses on the internet today...just in case...

Although we cant afford to move now, maybe in a couple of years...???

I feel so much happier and more content now that I have talked about the "baby bug" with dh...the feeling of loss that I may never have another biological baby has lessened...because maybe now I dont have to go through that loss...maybe????

I have my OB appt set for January and I am going to see ...

I did it, I talked to my dh about my plans for baby #4.

He was very shocked and said "no, no, no" at first, but, after a loooong conversation about money which annoyed the crap out of me...he started smiling and said it was a good idea but that we really had to wait to get baby #3 home first...hee hee. which of course I already know.

The good news is...he is not totally and completely opposed to the idea...just scared about the money and where the heck we ...

Maybe this is just giving me something to obsess over...a happy thing instead of a negative thing...maybe that isnt such a bad thing! I laid in bed last might thinking of my timeline for getting baby M home from China (which is impossible to plan at this point but I am just praying for next fall)..and then the following summer trying to get pg, and have little one #4 and final.

Not only do I want to do this to have the pregnancy experience that I feel I missed out on with M and my ...

I had a dream I was pregnant last night. Unusual for me, dont usually dream about that. I guess the thoughts of the baby that I have been musing about are stronger than I thought. I was really happy in the dream to be pregnant, shocked but happy. DH was NOT happy ...I wish it would be that easy...to "accidentally" get pregnant.

Maybe I need to call my OB and get my yearly exam that I have been putting off (still hate going in there since the m/c..). Maybe she ...

Lots and lots of crazy rumors today about the China referral wait. I am now just hoping that I meet my baby girl in 2006. Actually, I am also hoping things speed up and I really dont have to wait this long.

Maybe this is just the way it has to be...but why does it have to be so darn hard all the time???

Whine, whine, whine.......................

Going to visit my friend's newly adopted daughter tomorrow...only 3 weeks old. I am so scared ...

So we have been hearing rumors about referral wait times going up to 12-14 months. I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach. I alternate between trying to feel peaceful and that this baby will come to us when she is meant to come...and then crazy with sadness because she is not going to come fast enough! Also I go between "surely things will speed up" and "what if they slow down even more?".....ARGH!

Really needing to hear about the next month of referrals..hoping, ...

A blog...one more thing to do while I wait for my dd#3...and I do mean my DEAR daughter #3. Oh, how I can't wait to meet her, hold her, help her grow up. It's amazing how "old" my toddler seems at the ripe old age of 21 months. How I miss that "baby" stage. Maybe it's because I have been around waaaaaay too many newborns and pregnant people lately...makes the wait for this baby, the last? baby...even harder.

Sometimes it just seems so incredibly easy for some ...