Katie

I'm no longer a blog virgin. lol I thought I'd do some blogging for 2006. I think it's a good way to journal, yet update others and gain some support at the same time. (Of course, duh, I guess that's what blogging is, lol). I went to the RE today. Everything went too smoothly, that I'm afraid to let myself think that everything's going to go well this time around. After 9 months of treatment that ended in June 2005 without a viable pregnancy.... I returned to my loveable RE. I love him and his staff. I trust them 150% and really enjoy just walking into their office. I originally had an appt for tomorrow (Thurs, the 4th) but I called my new insurance company today (Aetna HMO) and registered with the infertility program. We just switched to a new insurance Jan. 1. My DH gets a choice of insurance companies with his job, and we drained the last one's IF coverage (which really wasn't that good of coverage) so we are going to drain this one now too. Aetna immediately authorized me to have a consult and start an IUI cycle with my one simple call today (WOW!!). I then called my RE office and asked if they had any available appts today or cancellations, and they said to come in at 1:45. I got in the shower, took off my last BC patch (2 days early, but oh well!) and went to my appt. I've lost 50 lbs since I last walked in there, and my RE was THRILLED to see that I'd lost weight. He said over and over that it will be so helpful to ttc and it's just so healthy (I still have 50 lbs to lose, but I'm at a much healthier weight than I was 50 lbs ago!). DH lost 22 lbs too, and he's not under any stress like he was last year at this time (from his job) and we hope his count improves from last time (6-8 million after wash). He's also been on the Men's Fertility Blend since October! People here at FT swear by the Fertility Blend! The RE said we just need to retake blood tests and we can start Repronex when my period comes (usually takes about 5 days when I'm on this darn patch). I'm so excited! We have really good coverage this time (but it's limited to $7500 lifetime max, which we think will get us 4-6 IUI cycles, after insurance pays the doctor their contracted amounts). As we were leaving we went to the finance dept of the clinic and talked to them..... And we have a $1700 credit from our treatment last year (our last cycle we paid out of pocket, but it turns out insurance covered some of it). So we won't need to pay any co-pays (at least for a while). We are so excited.... It all seems too good to be true. We are so very blessed to have insurance coverage. The problem is that it doesn't really cover meds though. And those sure can add up.

We want to have another baby so badly. I think the last time we went into treatment we were under a lot of stress and perhaps still grieving too much from losing Sam. I think we are in a bit better mental and physical state this time around... and I feel good about it (though I'm so afraid to even say that in fear of jinxing it). I pray that we are successful this time and that we delivery a healthy baby. I have a lot of anxiety, anxiousness, sadness, happiness, nervousness and every other emotion, about ttc again. But, I do feel *good* about the decision to ttc again and I feel confident that it will either work or help us close the door on having another baby, for good. I'm scared though.... in so many ways. Scared of getting hurt and getting my heart broken more than it already is from losing Sam. Lots of emotions.... But, I'm mentally ready for it all. Thank goodness for a good day today. After yesterday (I was in a car accident and my minivan was smashed, I got sandwiched between 2 pick-up trucks) I was afraid that 2006 wasn't starting out too well. Then, I was able to drive my van home (somehow there's no engine damage!) and I RAN OVER a flock of beautiful long-necked Canadian geese. I turned around to find out if I killed any, and one was really injured. I tried to call the wildlife and animal control, but no one called me back until today, and I'm sure the goose died over night. And their mates will stay with them and die with them... and since I hit about 3 of them (only 1 seemed to be really injured though) I may have killed 6 of them. I've been crying and upset about it. They were so beautiful, crossing the street in a straight line... and it was raining and getting dark (and my nerves were shot) and they are dark colored and match the street.... So I ran over a whole slew of them. *bawl* I couldn't believe I did both of those things in one day.

2006 has got to be a good year..... I hope those things were just testing my faith in the year. Bad luck follows me around like a plague sometimes. But NOT THIS YEAR! NO! I won't allow it!!