I've lost hope for this cycle
by, 02-04-2006 at 06:18 AM (230 Views)
First I have to say that the other night I was talking to God, Sam, Grandma... whoever would listen from the 'other side' and said "Please give me a dream to help me get through this 2ww, it's really driving me crazy and I need help processing my thoughts. If it's negative, tell me now so I know... if it's positive, let me dream of babies." I actually had a dream that the nurse called me from my RE's office and said "Katie, I'm so sorry, it's negative." Weird that I had that dream after asking for a 'sign.' So I truly believe it was someone giving me warning of what is to come. I'm so sick of going through all of this just to have a negative. 4 IUI cycles last year that didn't work, now this one? I just don't know how much I can take. If this cycle failed then AF needs to come early (like today! I'm 11dpiui) so I can move on!
My HPT's (yes I took 3 different ultra sensitive brands) were all negative this morning. I know I'm 11dpiui and it's "early" but with my previous 2 SUCCESSFUL pregnancies I had a big bright + at this point. If I don't have a + today then my beta would be too low on 14dpiui to even be a valid and good pregnancy. Right? If my body even only had 5 units of HCG in it now, and even if it doubled nicely it would only be like 15 or 20 by beta time. That's no good. Really, this theory of mine has to make some sense.
This sucks. Looking ahead at doing this for another month or 2 months or 3 months makes me so so sad.