kary

tired of trying to take care of people who don't care enough about themselves. jim left for indiana and to help him eat better for himself and for us financially, i made him some sloppy joes with ground turkey and made cheese ravioli. got home from the shower and he had left it all. come on, seriously?

i just feel unsupported by him. he is not the one who is here taking care of jake and watching him when his stomach hurts, he is not here to hold my hand while i am crying about ...

I hate this day...I hate it more than anything else in the world. Today is the 9th anniversary of me sending 4 of my sweet angels to heaven. Worst of all, Jim does not acknowledge it. Wants to forget it all. Never thinks of them. I know it is how he deals with it but that is not supportive of me. Now I have to go to church and hear them all talk about abortion and how it is against the church, etc. And I have a baby shower for my cousin this afternoon. Lord please help me with this day

Tomorrow Jim is leaving for Indiana again. This will be the 5th week in 7 weeks that he has had to go out out town. Even though it is Sunday night through Thurs or Friday night, it is wearing me down. Right now I am trying to keep up the house, run the kids by myself to CCD classes, Brownies, Scouts...soon baseball/softball, and football/cheer will start and it will get worse. Hope he is home for that. While I hate that he is leaving, there is no work here for him, so we might as well have him ...

I think I am going to start blogging here because I need some place to just vent or release the anxiety of Jake's medical. He has a follow-up appt with the Ped Endo this morning--really wish we did not have to keep this appt but we have rescheduled 3 times. But on April 5th he has a scan to be done and April 7th he has an allergy appt so hoping that they find something. Broke my heart last night that after 4 bites of food, he could not eat any more. His stomach was all bloated and you could ...

Well, I normally do not blog but I had to get some stuff off my chest and did not want to do it on the boards.....

Money is tight. NO question about it. Jim wants to have it both ways-wants me home with the kids but yet he wants me to make money. I was talking to my dad and stepmom about an idea to make and sell things and they are so behind me. Dad said he would help with anything if I needed. My stepmom likes to dream so it is fun to have her on my side. My sister said I am ...

On Feb 29th, Jim's firend, P, turned 40. Something JIm will be doing in Sept. So P had a big party at his house during the day. I did not go because that whole environment is not for me. Lots of people and noise. But Jim took the kids and I guess they had a ball as they were gone from 2-7:40. I can tell that Jim is upset. Turns out that P and his family were heading down town to the casinos and would Jim come along to make sure P gets home safely. Ok, I am pissed b/c I know it will be a ...

I am so happy for R and H! This is baby number 2 for them. Sounds like it was a bit difficult and can't wait to see pictures of new baby Emma!! Of course, a part of me wishes it was me having the baby. Gosh, why did Jim tell me the other day he wanted another baby! I htought I had all the feelings and cravings gone. Oh well.....

JIm and I were out to dinner on Monday for my birthday and we got to talking about babies. His friend just had another (their 5th) in November and Jim said, "you know I have been thinking about how nice it would be to have another baby". Great, make me feel like a failure. I'm the reason we needed IF treatment in the first place. WE had always said that if God thought we needed another one, then he will let it happen, but no more treatment for us. It was too emotionally draining for ...

Wow, I can see I have not used my blog in ages!

SO I decided that I should maybe use this as I need to find a way to release some of my anxiety and stress. I woke up this morning all anxious and stressed out. And was thinking of my neighbor who I just found out passed away on Friday. We had seen the EMS come but it did not look as bad as I guess it was. Jim said I was "flopping" around a lot last night in my sleep. Gosh, what else am I anxious about??
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ugh, don't you hate it when you have one of those days? maddy had peed her pull ups last night so i was up with her at 4am, and could not really go back to bed. so when jake got up at 6:30am, i was already a bit crabby.

luckily, i was able to hold them off in bed with a movie until 8am, so mommy could wake up and watch a bit of the today show.

had to run to the bank and grocery store. what a nightmare! maddy kept sitting on the floor at the bank, we get to the grocery ...