Goldspider

Well, it's been over a month since I got a BFN. It took me about 3 weeks to not cry every day. I'm still very sad and angry though. I was hoping this would be the year. I have been trying to keep a job with this company that I work for as the dept. I work is selling 51% and so they will be minority partnership and lose my insurance that covers IF. This makes me so mad too. It took me forever to get this job and I wish to stay with home health, but I gotta find another position with company to keep ...

So on 8/23/12 I got so antsy and worked up during 2ww that I had to get out of the house and do something. I took my fur baby for a ride to get frozen yogurt, then a short walk at the park. Not much distraction, but good to stretch my body out. Then returned to work on 8/24/12. This was good distraction. Got home for a nap. Have been trying to take a nap every day since ET. Yesterday DH and I did nothing, but take our fur baby for a walk and watch a comedy movie. Last night I had some severe cramping ...

So today I was almost brought to tears. Not sure how to take an BFN again. Knowing I would be very very happy with a BFP, I still don't know how I would take that as I am so used to the disappointment. DH is encouraging though. He reminds me that we did have 1 starting to hatch and the embryologist gave us a 75% chance. It's just that I don't feel any different and I know that some people get cramping or spotting with implantation and some don't. I know the people who get pregers naturally don't ...

So I hadn't heard from my embryologist yet. I called and they told me there are no embies to freeze. I just wanna cry. If this round doesn't take then that would mean I have to go through the shots , hormone changes and the physical pain again. IDK if I can do that again. Too much stress. Still trying to keep on positive side. I was given a 75% chance this would take. Doesn't make me feel any better though. Very disappointed my embies didn't grow more.

Had my ET today. Now on bed rest and 2ww. Transferred 1 grade B and 1 grade D. They said 1 was starting to hatch and they gave me a 75% chance of this working. My other 5 embies are stuck at day 4 cell division. May not be able to make them into snowflakes. They will let me know tomorrow on that. I'm excited, but apprehensive. Still thinking positive though. Go in on 8/23 for progesterone check and 8/28 for beta.

So the one they were watching was a no go. He didn't want to divide. So down to 7 embies. 1 10 cell, 4 8 cell, 1 6 cell, 1 5 cell. So I will have 5 snowflakes. Looking forward to Sunday's transfer. I feel good vibes this time. Crossing fingers : and thinking positive thoughts. Going to enjoy the ME time coming up on Monday-Thursday next week. Took extra days off work for myself. Giving my embies some to take this time. Got my bed area set up for snacks, beverages, ...

So out of 11 eggies only 8 fertilized. However the extra special baby sitter (embryologist), called to report 1 of them is only a 1 cell. They are keeping it another 24hrs to see if it will start to divide. Otherwise it's gone. I hope it does. I want more snowflakes. More possibilities for future FETs. My belly feels so much better since no more shots in it. But my lower abdomen feels sore still from ER. Better than the last 2 days though. Still planning on Sunday transfer. Hubby keeps teasing ...

So I went for my ER today. Got 11 eggies!!!!! Been a little crampy and tired today. Hubby has been so sweet. He has been all lovey dovey and gentle with me. He had to go to work this afternoon though. So I get some me time. Took a nice nap, but still feel like I can use another. They gave me a lot of pain meds (Fentanyl, Demerol and another that I can't remember the name of) along with Zofran as anesthesia often makes me ...

Had my 3rd stimulation check/ultrasound today. All's well. I trigger tonight and go in 8/14/12 for retrieval. Had several follicles that were nice and big. My emotions have been all over the board. I can be excited and happy one minute and the next I am cranky. Then hubby and I went out to eat last night and later watched a movie. I started crying from the movie (happy and sad points in the movie). I couldn't stop crying all evening. Hubby was 1/2 supportive of my tears and half laughing at me for ...

Had my 2nd stimulation check/ultra sound today. So far so good. Supposed to go in tomorrow instead of Monday for next check as I may be going in for retrieval on Tuesday 8/14 instead of Wednesday. So I'm definitely stimulating better than my first fresh cycle. Making me start to get excited, but trying not to get hopes up, that's the hard part. My clothes feel tight across my belly, including my scrub pants (I'm a nurse). I had to take them off as soon as I got home yesterday for comfort. ...