Emma2

I am finding this really hard, this decision of whether to continue to breastfeed Cameron. Cameron will not latch on so I have been pumping now for nearly 4 months and feeding him my milk. I had a HUGE supply and I was happy to do it. It was hard especially the time it took to pump and then feed but I was so proud of myself that I was able to do it this time. With Amy I tried to breastfeed but she too wouldn't latch. I didn't pump with Amy so I never had to 'decide' to give up.

Cameron is such a sweet and calm baby, I have been giving him some formula in the last few weeks as it has been difficult with all the moving we have done. Because I haven't been pumping regularly my milk has reduced ALOT! Yesterday I only pumped 3 times. I just get so busy and because I have lots of mik in storage I have been using that.

I just feel like I am letting him down. I know that Amy was formula fed and she did great, I guess it is me that has the problem not Cameron. Well it is me with the issues......

I am so sad to see my having babies part of my life being over and I will never experience feeding again. GOSH IF SUCKS! I know that if I didn't have to do IVF I would definatley have another child. But I know my DH would never go for it again. If I did do IVF again, and had another child that would be great but I wouldn't want to risk twins as I couldn't cope with that, not with having 2 already. Then what if I had embryos left over again. Yet another big and very emotional decision. I just can't go there....

I would love to be a surrogate but my DH would take a LOT of convincing for me to do that.... Oh to give the gift of a child to someone who needs it and wants it so badly would be wonderful! I often day dream about that!

I digress! DO I try and get my milk back up and keep pumping or do I graciously allow my body to wind down and accept that I did a good job for as long as I did and be proud of that! Hmmm Decisions decisions!!!!!!