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I have not logged onto this site in such a long time. Its sad to see so many still struggling- I remember those days so vividly. The fight with cancer has taken over longing for another little one and I have come to terms that I will only be mom to one, well most days.....one fight has replaced another.
Fighting cancer has been a long fight. Today I am free from cancer! I celebrate that victory, but everyday, every ache reminds me of how fragile life is. Next week I have my second yearly ...

4 chemo treatments down, 2 to go. woo hooo!!!

Feels great! Still scared and still dont talk too much about being scared to many people- putting forward the game face! Letting my true fear out here, anonymously-

Had my sons 9th birthday party here at the house, surprisingly it went remarkably well- I am not quite the party planner, so I was pretty amazed that I could pull thiss off so successrfully especially with minimal help- was lots of fun!
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So, after the last day, I call his teacher. My man loves his teacher, he wears deoderant (Axe) and wants to impress her, both by actions (classwork) and looking good. They have a special relationship which is wonderful. Since it was difficult to get the entire story, I wanted to chat with her- get another perspective (I have never wanted to track down 8 year olds and beat them up). We chatted, she handled this situation well I think. Ms C gave him choices, how would he want to handle this- ...

It appears as if things can be worse.....Today my poor boy came home sobbing and I want to beat up 2 8 yr old boys. He came into my room sobbing, tears streaming down his face- He rarely cries, I am trying to comfort asking what happened- of course he does not want to tell me- why.....? So I ask "did it happen on the bus" No, "At recess"? No, "at school".....tears still streaming as he hugs me and hugs me and hugs me- my mind is screaming "what is it?" ...

Yesterday I brought my son to tears.....just writing that brings tears to my eyes. The big admission to "I am not a good mom" - It was all so silly, he wanted to look at the tracks on the dishwasher, and he put the bottom off the tracks. No big deal, normal mom would have said "can you fix it or do you need some help". Chemo mom on steroids, yelled- "dont do that you will break it"! He burst into tears, ran upstairs and said something like "I wish I was never ...

Tomorrow is chemo #2, then just 4 more to go after this one YEAH! The funny thing is at 46 I have gone through menopause early, but now chemo has jumpstarted the hormones- now I get my period? Most people go into menopause- I come out.

I worked out hard today, I felt great. 1 hour of cardio, then a class at the cancer center, my first Tai Chi- it was fun.

I found out my parathyroid is overactive- High calcium levels and that might need surgery to correct. ...

I thought I would try blogging. Its an interesting thing to write down your thoughts for others to veiw, comment, and see your life. The big news for me is I have cancer, stage IIIa (so far) metaplastic breast cancer. Everyday I worry it has become stage IV, spread to my lungs or another part of my body. I cant differentiate between the cancer and chemo- no reference point. Today my lymph node in my neck hurts- is it cancer or something else? My son is 8, and the joy of my life. I struggled ...