PT, oncology, lake fun and adult toys
Posted 07-19-2006 at 06:10 AM by DiIP
July 19, 2006
This is such a strange time. Last Wednesday I put some time in researching some alternative therapies (vitamins) to augment my treatments and looking at trials. By the end of the day, I was depressed again because this tumor type is so terrible. It is frustrating to try to do something to be involved in treatment only to find more things that say it is hopeless. I spent all day Thursday being depressed. One thing I did do as a result of my research was make a list of questions for my oncologist for Friday’s appt.
It was a good appointment. He got the results of my EEG and I was able to go off the anti-seizure meds. Woohoo! Dr said a seizure in me would most likely be characterized by tingling in my hand or a bit of left side neglect, not a grand mal one. He also answered all my questions to my satisfaction. I think I have a very good team at this hospital. My oncologist and neurosurgeon are very experienced and the radiation, chemo and other areas of the hospital all work hard to coordinate their appointments so I am not up there several times in a day. It feels good to know that I am in good hands (at least at this time LOL). One of the big regrets that my dad has was that he and my mom did not do any research or look for a second opinion when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. He doesn’t know if she was treated by Joe Schmoe or a brilliant doctor. I at least have been proactive….
After Friday’s appointment, I felt a lot better (although I did catch an hour nap..treatment is still making me tired). Jeff went to work and I picked the kids up and we had an uneventful evening.
Catie is well into being potty trained now. Two accidents in the past four days. Yaaayyyy! She has been my biggest challenge (although I certainly haven’t stressed heavily over it). She has been peeing for about a month at the sitter’s. Going by herself as a matter of fact without even having to be asked. At MY house, she was peeing in her pull-ups regularly, no matter how often I was asking her. I had to drag her screaming and kicking to the potty and threaten dire consequences if she got up before peeing(OK, that only happened like once or twice when I just snapped. I know that is the worst way to train, but that girl can press my buttons!LOL). Anyhoo, I finally decided to try another approach. I took her pull-ups away and handed her the big girl panties instead. No big deal, just factual. “You are a big girl now because you pee in the potty at V’s,” I told her. “You don’t need pull-ups or diapers. Those are for babies”. And she’s only had two accidents in the past four days. Go figure. That girl pushes every envelope every time. And then proves over and over again just how smart she is.
Saturday and Sunday were play at the lake days. Our farm is only 7 miles away from a gated lake community with a beach for the kids. Nothing oh-la-la about it, but the kids really enjoy going there and we have fun too. It has been so frickin’ hot here, we’ve just headed down to the lake each day to just get wet and play in the water. We have a few floaties that the kids can use and just bought a big blow up sea horse that an adult and two kids can sit on. The kids had a blast. There is a play area and picnic tables too, so we can picnic and play while there. If we leave at nap time, the kids fall asleep in the car during the 10 minute drive home and we just unload them on the couch when we get home. Not bad for living in the middle of nowhere…. And, other than the annual association dues, it is essentially free
DH and I own some lake front property at the gated community (bought it REDICULOUSLY cheap two years ago) and have been wrestling with whether to sell it or put up a nice cabin to go play in on weekends. Heck, if it were in a good school district and not so far away from dh’s work, we’d consider building our permanent home on it. Every time we go to the lake we realize we really enjoy our time there and selling the property might not be a good idea from that perspective. Many people around here remember very fondly their years going out to the lake for the summer. It would be great if our kids would have that too. Of course getting the $$ from selling it would be nice, but we will never be able to get lake front again for anywhere NEAR what we paid. If we put a house on it though, it will cost a ridiculous amount of money to build something we’d spend weekends at or a week or two in the summer. And we wouldn’t have any money left over to buy the few toys that would be fun to have at the lake (like a boat).
So yesterday we walked the property and came up with a plan that would allow us to invest a few dollars to improve the property so it is more accessible and young kid friendly, buy a few toys for the adults (four wheeler and boat) and worry about building a house there later on. If things go well for me, we’ll have many years of enjoyment from just this initial investment. If things go badly for me and Jeff decides he wants to move closer to his family, he can still sell the property later pretty easily with or without a house. Yesterday afternoon we looked at ATV's. One of those would make lake access reasonable without having to put in a full driveway on the rather steep property. It also would be fun to ride it around our farm too. When we picked up the kids from the sitter's in the afternoon, we looked at some more ATV's, then Ryan informed us he wanted the RED one (said in a shout each time the color was mentioned). He seems to think we will each have one... He is such a total boy.
I have mixed emotions about planning my life around this ‘thing’ in my brain. Some days I feel it is just something I have to deal with. Just one more factor in making whatever decision we are making at the time. I might be here, I might not. After all, doesn’t everyone else have those odds? Other days it is incredibly frustrating to try to figure out a solution that includes me in AND excludes me from the future. The logistics are hard, but the emotional toll is even harder.
It is hard to ‘keep up’ with everything and everyone when there are so many possibilities to spend time with the family. I am working hard to make memories with the little ones just in case things don’t go well. I’ve always sort of put having fun on the back burner until there was more time to do it, more money to do it, etc. I am working hard to change that without going overboard and spending time/money foolishly. Of course, time I’m spending with my children is never foolish, but it seems like there are so many things competing for that time. I still have to finish my estate/medical planning and looking into extended care. I am currently spending 10+ hours a week doing radiation. I am still working. I want to put one or more videos together for the kids. And I want to get together and keep up with family and friends. There was never time before, but even less now! LOL.
But today I am good. Today I am in good health and spirits and I feel reasonably confident in planning for the future. Tomorrow it may be different, but today I’ll choose happiness and hope. At the end of the week, I take the last dose of my anti seizure meds. and next week I will meet with the nutritionist to discuss vitamins and minerals that might help me during treatments. A few small steps forward.
This is such a strange time. Last Wednesday I put some time in researching some alternative therapies (vitamins) to augment my treatments and looking at trials. By the end of the day, I was depressed again because this tumor type is so terrible. It is frustrating to try to do something to be involved in treatment only to find more things that say it is hopeless. I spent all day Thursday being depressed. One thing I did do as a result of my research was make a list of questions for my oncologist for Friday’s appt.
It was a good appointment. He got the results of my EEG and I was able to go off the anti-seizure meds. Woohoo! Dr said a seizure in me would most likely be characterized by tingling in my hand or a bit of left side neglect, not a grand mal one. He also answered all my questions to my satisfaction. I think I have a very good team at this hospital. My oncologist and neurosurgeon are very experienced and the radiation, chemo and other areas of the hospital all work hard to coordinate their appointments so I am not up there several times in a day. It feels good to know that I am in good hands (at least at this time LOL). One of the big regrets that my dad has was that he and my mom did not do any research or look for a second opinion when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. He doesn’t know if she was treated by Joe Schmoe or a brilliant doctor. I at least have been proactive….
After Friday’s appointment, I felt a lot better (although I did catch an hour nap..treatment is still making me tired). Jeff went to work and I picked the kids up and we had an uneventful evening.
Catie is well into being potty trained now. Two accidents in the past four days. Yaaayyyy! She has been my biggest challenge (although I certainly haven’t stressed heavily over it). She has been peeing for about a month at the sitter’s. Going by herself as a matter of fact without even having to be asked. At MY house, she was peeing in her pull-ups regularly, no matter how often I was asking her. I had to drag her screaming and kicking to the potty and threaten dire consequences if she got up before peeing(OK, that only happened like once or twice when I just snapped. I know that is the worst way to train, but that girl can press my buttons!LOL). Anyhoo, I finally decided to try another approach. I took her pull-ups away and handed her the big girl panties instead. No big deal, just factual. “You are a big girl now because you pee in the potty at V’s,” I told her. “You don’t need pull-ups or diapers. Those are for babies”. And she’s only had two accidents in the past four days. Go figure. That girl pushes every envelope every time. And then proves over and over again just how smart she is.
Saturday and Sunday were play at the lake days. Our farm is only 7 miles away from a gated lake community with a beach for the kids. Nothing oh-la-la about it, but the kids really enjoy going there and we have fun too. It has been so frickin’ hot here, we’ve just headed down to the lake each day to just get wet and play in the water. We have a few floaties that the kids can use and just bought a big blow up sea horse that an adult and two kids can sit on. The kids had a blast. There is a play area and picnic tables too, so we can picnic and play while there. If we leave at nap time, the kids fall asleep in the car during the 10 minute drive home and we just unload them on the couch when we get home. Not bad for living in the middle of nowhere…. And, other than the annual association dues, it is essentially free
DH and I own some lake front property at the gated community (bought it REDICULOUSLY cheap two years ago) and have been wrestling with whether to sell it or put up a nice cabin to go play in on weekends. Heck, if it were in a good school district and not so far away from dh’s work, we’d consider building our permanent home on it. Every time we go to the lake we realize we really enjoy our time there and selling the property might not be a good idea from that perspective. Many people around here remember very fondly their years going out to the lake for the summer. It would be great if our kids would have that too. Of course getting the $$ from selling it would be nice, but we will never be able to get lake front again for anywhere NEAR what we paid. If we put a house on it though, it will cost a ridiculous amount of money to build something we’d spend weekends at or a week or two in the summer. And we wouldn’t have any money left over to buy the few toys that would be fun to have at the lake (like a boat).
So yesterday we walked the property and came up with a plan that would allow us to invest a few dollars to improve the property so it is more accessible and young kid friendly, buy a few toys for the adults (four wheeler and boat) and worry about building a house there later on. If things go well for me, we’ll have many years of enjoyment from just this initial investment. If things go badly for me and Jeff decides he wants to move closer to his family, he can still sell the property later pretty easily with or without a house. Yesterday afternoon we looked at ATV's. One of those would make lake access reasonable without having to put in a full driveway on the rather steep property. It also would be fun to ride it around our farm too. When we picked up the kids from the sitter's in the afternoon, we looked at some more ATV's, then Ryan informed us he wanted the RED one (said in a shout each time the color was mentioned). He seems to think we will each have one... He is such a total boy.
I have mixed emotions about planning my life around this ‘thing’ in my brain. Some days I feel it is just something I have to deal with. Just one more factor in making whatever decision we are making at the time. I might be here, I might not. After all, doesn’t everyone else have those odds? Other days it is incredibly frustrating to try to figure out a solution that includes me in AND excludes me from the future. The logistics are hard, but the emotional toll is even harder.
It is hard to ‘keep up’ with everything and everyone when there are so many possibilities to spend time with the family. I am working hard to make memories with the little ones just in case things don’t go well. I’ve always sort of put having fun on the back burner until there was more time to do it, more money to do it, etc. I am working hard to change that without going overboard and spending time/money foolishly. Of course, time I’m spending with my children is never foolish, but it seems like there are so many things competing for that time. I still have to finish my estate/medical planning and looking into extended care. I am currently spending 10+ hours a week doing radiation. I am still working. I want to put one or more videos together for the kids. And I want to get together and keep up with family and friends. There was never time before, but even less now! LOL.
But today I am good. Today I am in good health and spirits and I feel reasonably confident in planning for the future. Tomorrow it may be different, but today I’ll choose happiness and hope. At the end of the week, I take the last dose of my anti seizure meds. and next week I will meet with the nutritionist to discuss vitamins and minerals that might help me during treatments. A few small steps forward.
Total Comments 12
Comments
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Honey, I thought you were going to be posting about BOB with the adult toy reference!
Absolutely hold onto the lake property. Absolutely. Spend every minute you can there and I LOVE the idea of investing enough in "toys" that you can spend your time there without the headache (ouch, sorry) of building a house. You are going to beat this thing but the next few years will be rough. Don't add the stress of building a house on top of everything else. Throw up a leanto that you could camp in or something if you want to sleep there.
I am glad you feel so strong and so good. I hate that you have to think about this "thing in your brain". I can only imagine how you feel about it. Actually..no, no I can't. But I love you and I'm so proud to count you among my friends. I really, truly am.
Warmest regards,
LJPosted 07-19-2006 at 06:28 AM by Laurie Jane
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I am with LJ - I thought for SURE adult toys meant something else!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy the lake - have fun with the toys - and keep fighting - you WILL win.
Love, AmandaPosted 07-19-2006 at 06:33 AM by ajbear
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Make it three of us who thought it was going to be about you and BOB.....but then, I think you have a real one, right?LOL.
Diana, you are amazing........I know for sure that I could not and would not possibly be as together as you are walking through this "head thing" journey. Enjoy that property......buy the few things that you want that make it fun.....I think building would be too much right now. Could you put a small trailer or tent trailer on the property, so you could go up there and spend the night.......or is that not a good idea?
Remember when you are doing your research that what is said will almost always sound bad........we were always told in nurses training that you have to tell every bad detail, so that no one will need to come back and say that "you never told me that".......so that is how all of the research information is written.......they have to tell you all of it......every last bloody detail.
I am glad you will be off the seizure meds and I am glad the hospital is doing a great job of coordinating your treatments.
I am so glad that we are friends Diana......it's going to be a battle, but you are going to beat this.......live your life.......one day at a time.....do what you want to do....plan, hope and dream, because that is all any of us have on this earth.
Love you, lady.
Margaret AnnePosted 07-19-2006 at 06:56 AM by Margarete Anne
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Enjoy! Your life, your children,the lake, Adult Toys! I am so glad you are feeling strong and good, and I will keep those feelings in my thoughts for you!
Hugs
PattyPosted 07-19-2006 at 06:59 AM by CJD
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Hope for the best, plan for the worst...that's kind of how I view things.
You sound so busy. I hope you make sure you plan in some down time, too. SO glad to hear you can stop the antisiezure meds.Posted 07-19-2006 at 07:29 AM by MarieL
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Wow D.
SO many things run through my head when I read your blog- mostly I want to tell you that you seem to be handling everything "well" with the appropriate mix I should say.... planning for the future that isn't guaranteed to ANY of us......
I have hesitated to mention this - within days of your diagnosis I found our another friend of mine- similar age also was fighting the same battle. They are "swim team buddies" so I don't see them much in the winter and didn't know until the first day of swim practice that he had been diagnosed this winter. He was not given a good prognosis. I heard yesterday his experimental treatment at the University of Pitts - an experimental chemo therapy- is really working well on him. For now he is a success story! I know very little details - but can certainly find out more if you would like. I know you are probably bombarded with such things...... so take it for what you will.
His daughter is horse crazy and since he is unable to work - horses are now out of the picture for her- at least a horse of her own. He is a pilot and obviously that isn't gonna happen again...... so anyhoo....we have too many horses and not enough girls.... need to work something out.
Hugs to you always.......
J
I was going to try to make the yearling sale the last two days---- but this ankle.....Posted 07-19-2006 at 07:55 AM by dr j
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Thank you for sharing so much with us.
Posted 07-19-2006 at 08:39 AM by Fatcatsmom
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For those of you who have a dirty mind....SHAME on you!!! Of course I meant 4 wheelers and boats. BOB isn't an adult toy...he's a necessity!Posted 07-19-2006 at 09:56 AM by DiIP
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Diana, thank you for sharing the details of what's going on with you. You are truly amazing. You've inspired me today...to focus a little more on what's important (like heading out the door to swim with my girls right now!) - thank you for reminding me that we are ALL here for too short a time. As for the lake property, how about a pop-up camper??? As for your "head thing" - if attitude has anything to do with it (and we all know that it does!), your cancer doesn't stand a chance. God bless.Posted 07-19-2006 at 11:04 AM by AllisonSW
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I'm not real good at forming words right now...but I am sending much much lovePosted 07-19-2006 at 07:48 PM by Polly wog
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Diana,
My farm is so much smaller than yours, and I only have one versus your three, and I'm not going through chemo or radiation, and and and...
the thing is, I guess, is that you're right, that your odds of survival really aren't any different than mine. Yes, I know, you're fighting a nasty, ugly, so unnecessary battle. And I wish alot of things, but at the top of that list is that you weren't going through this.
sigh...now I'm rambling.
I guess what I want to say is that I think you buying some fun toys for the lake property is an excellent idea.
Much love,
JeaniePosted 07-20-2006 at 06:06 AM by JeanieMd
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Diana, you most definitely are one amazing gal. I think you and dh are being realistically hopeful....do make time for those precious kiddos, spend a little $$$$ if you need to....THEY will appreciate it always, no matter what, but also take a bit of time for YOU. The lake property plan sounds ideal to me, I am definitely jealous of that part! Medical research is difficult always and grim and factual. I had melanoma and found it somewhat calming/comforting to simply read and research all I could about it...dh totally freaked out reading the first info, broke down and said he just couldn't read about it at all....it's definitely depressing, but necessary if you want to be educated and informed.....HUGS to you. Thinking of you often. (Did you get the red one?)Posted 07-20-2006 at 01:47 PM by Lois
