5 year ago this night
by, 12-04-2004 at 08:41 PM (156 Views)
around this time 5 years ago I was on my way to the hospital in labor with my sweet son.I remember being so scared, wondering if I would get to bring him home.. and wondering if I would be okay afterward.. wondering how would I ever sleep, he wasn't even born yet and I was terrified of SIDS.. There were 13 other women in labor that night and I remember the doctor gave me an epidural and I was already in the stirups and he got another call that a lady was pushing and he had to go to the other room and deliver another baby and I carried on a conversation with everyone in the room with my naked butt sticking up in the air for a better part of 30 minutes and the funny thing is I don't remember even caring! LOL Of course not.. I had other things on my mind.. like was this child going to live? What's modesty when you aren't even sure you are going to be taking home a living baby? I had the same doctor that I had with Hannah, and the same nurses.. As I came in the L& D was already so full and they had one room open and it was #7 and I flat out refused.. The Room Hannah was born and died in was room #7 and I told them to get me another room.. they moved someone else into room #7 and I got room #17 and I almost told them no to that too simply because it had a 7 in it.. but once I was in the room I was okay.. after that sweet boy was born we had them do tests on them.. although we knew he had kidneys because he came out peeing all over everyone we weren't going to leave that hospital until we knew he was healthy and fine.. I remember that night he was born him laying in the bassinet next to me and the death grip I had on that bassinet.. I instantly went into mommy mode.. the second he made a sound.. or moved or someone came in the room to check on us/him.. I was awake and my grip tightned.. I slept with my hand on that bassinet.. a lot of times my hand on his chest feeling the up and down movement.. I was so paranoid.. so afraid that now that I had him and he was alive and healthy that someone was going to steal him.. I can't believe all the emotions that come back to me reading that.. it's been 5 years ago but I can feel those feelings now.. can remember all the mixed emotions I had.. He was so precious.. he still is the most precious thing in my life.. Everyone tells you they grow up fast but man they do.. they really do. I can't believe he is 5! I don't know where the last 5 years went. I went looking thru his albums and scanned some off to share on the Parenting after loss bb and I couldn't believe how big he had gotten.. We went to the school to have breakfast with Santa today and we walked down the hall to where he will attend next year and I thought I might fall apart. Man, I know they have to grow up and I'm really enjoying every new thing he does too.. but I really wish I could slow things down a little.. He can count to 40, and he can write his name and he's reading a few words and I'm just amazed at this little person.. he went from this helpless little newborn to this little MAN. Before I know it he'll be playing sports and then driving and I'll be wondering where those years went.. I love watching him accomplishing things. I LOVE being such a big part of his life. I LOVE that I am the one that watched him take his first step.. heard him say his first word.. taught him to read mom and dad and taught him to write his name.. I'm thrilled that I've been able to do that..and I'm absolutely blessed .. so blessed to have this little boy in my life. Thank you Lord.. Thank you.