K's memorial service was Saturday. L and J looked SO strong. I wonder how much of a facade it really is. B's Kindergarten teacher told me that L was really unprepared to let K go, but that J was ready and had "prepared" the other kids very well. (I just cannot imagine..... )

L read a "letter from K from heaven" at the memorial service. He didn't even pause....break down....anything. SO incredibly strong and positive. They projected about 50 pictures on...

WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH MY HUSBAND AND FUNERALS?????? K's funeral is tomorrow and I want to go and at least take B & B and talked to dh (R) about this last night. We got into an argument about it. He said "he doesn't think B & B are 'old enough' to be subjected to a funeral?????" WTH? I asked him when he thought they would be "old enough to handle someone dying?" (Forget the fact that I took all our kids to my Grandmother's funeral a year ago......and it was open-casket...

K died yesterday at 10:58am. I cried most of yesterday afternoon......was awake until well after midnight thinking about L and J and their family......and the last photo taken of K was the first thought on my mind as I woke at 6:30 this morning...

How do you say "good-bye" to your 2 1/2 year old baby? How do you hold him and kiss him for the last time? How do you go on? How do you sit down to dinner and look at his empty seat at the table and not cry? How do you gather...

I HAVE got to get busy and do B's scrapbook pages. R has been gone since Sunday, S and S (from AZ) may be arriving tomorrow and my house is a MESS! And what am I doing about ANY of it? Sitting here blogging instead of doing ALL the things I SHOULD be doing. sigh......it's great to be an adult! ha ha

Okay, so I'm starting this blog-thing.

Have had many thoughts on my mind lately. S turned 3 this past Sunday. I've found myself re-living those HORRIFIC first days...