Cheri

It has been a whirlwind of appointments......I don't know if I'm coming or going. Thank God for my Mom keeping me organized...she just leads and I follow...I feel like a kid again, but not in a good way. But she knows her stuff.....knows what I need to do.....she's been thru the cancer routine with my stepdad.

I'm up and down, crying one minute, fine the next.

The news got out at the rink on Friday night when I wasn't there....my teenage students were very upset and crying....I feel terrible they heard that way..... I've been very anxious to get back to the rink and reassure them that I'm going to be fine....it's just going to be a tough time for me for awhile.

Today I went to the rink....spent about 15 minutes talking to the 3 of them. I explained everything that was going to happen and they were great.....we only got teary eyed once. Then we went about our lessons with in our usual way. I skated the whole time, right behind them per usual....going as fast as they did. They were fine, looking me in the eyes,laughing with me, not uncomfortable at all. Told them they could take me wig shopping if I loose my hair. Whew! That was the hard part. Now they can concentrate on the upcoming competition this weekend.

It's killing me that I won't be there for them at the competition......but they have already arranged to have it video taped for me, so I get to see everything.

We had a coaches meeting at the pub after skating.....the coaches wanted to relieve me of anything they could to help me clear my agenda to concentrate on getting better......it turned into a party with a ton of people, cards, gifts and flowers......I was so touched and I tried so hard not to cry.They tried to make me laugh... they said there were so many tears Friday night that they didn't need to zamboni the ice. How'd I get so lucky?

Saw the surgeon this morning.....had to make the decision......full mastecomy or partial. After discussing the risks of reaccurances....I went with the partial mastecomy. She will also be taking up to 20 lymph nodes. I will have 2 incisions....one in the breast, the other under my arm. I will have a bone scan and cat scan this week to see if it has spread anywhere else. My surgery is on Thursday and I will be home on Friday. Not too bad....only overnight.

So many doctors, appointments, refferrals....decisions, worrying about babysitting for Johnny........my stomach is in knots. I need to clean my house, pay my bills, so much to do. I lost 5 pounds since Friday. I'm trying really hard but I'm having trouble eating. I use to love coffee....I guess no coffee is a good thing...

Putting Johnny in pre-school 3 mornings a week. He's only in 1 right now. I wasn't going to increase til fall but I need to unfortunately. I'll be going daily for radiation and I hate to drag him with me constantly, the poor baby. At least I can I know he is ready for it. He has no separation anxiety and loves pre-school.

I can't wait til all this is over and it hasn't even begun.....