The in-laws are coming ... The in-laws are coming!!!
by, 01-20-2006 at 06:42 PM (315 Views)
I am sitting here dreading tomorrow coming which is so horrible to say. My IN-LAWS are visiting. Just for the day though ... no overnight this time! PHEW!
I am sad at where our relationship stands right now with my mother in-law to be specific. I used to get along with her so well infact better then my DP did. We would talk on the phone for hours, shop together, do hobbies etc and loved spending time together. I think I was the daughter that she never had as her two daughters never showed much of an interest in her hobbies etc. She provided us with so much support during our days at university when we had NOTHING. She truly is a generous lady!
But something changed ... I think we have both changed. First we grew up, we did not need her anymore to provide us with the support she once did. We became self-reliant and independant and although we apprecaited her help we no longer needed it. And she began to feel useless! She is the type of person that needs to be needed ... she feels fulfilled when people "need" her. We no longer needed her but wanted her in our lives.
And second... she is menopausing ... OH BABY! The emotions that come along with hormones I can sympathize with but man oh man ... she is too much. And the mood swing ...
And lastly ... she has no self-esteem or confidence. She is in an unhappy marriage that she will never end, she is tired of parenting (she had a child later in life), she hates her job, and who knows what else. I truly feel sorry for her. But now she is using my baby as the only thing that makes her feel better.
Put these things together and we have a crisis. We have tried gently to redirect some of her off the top behaviours. She was freaking me out when the baby was born as she was referring to him as "her baby", was upset when she couldn't see him everyday (we live an hour away) and when she did visit, she only wanted to cuddle him whether he liked it or not. She would let him cry because she said she liked to hear him make noise and is obsessed, I mean obsessed with taking pictures of him and her together. (dozens of rolls) and she wants a copy of every single picture we have of him.
Now I know that these are only things and that the under lying thing is she truly loves her grandbaby ... and wants to be with him to share in his experiences. BUT ... I was getting freaked out by her behavior. So we addressed some of our concerns with her via a letter as when we tried in person she would break down cry uncontrollably and then storm off and ignore us for weeks!
Since we confronted her she has been better ... thank goodness. But now there is a tension and fakeness about the visitis she has. She still obsessively takes pictures but she is at least interacting with the baby and not just holding him the entire visit. And she doesn't let him cry anymore!
So she is coming tomorrow ... for the day (I can get through one day) but it is the tension that I hate and it is exhausting.
I guess I am sad because I miss our old relationship ... I miss the times we used to spend together. I know we have both changed ... us becoming more independant and her, well becoming PSYCHO but I miss her!
I want my baby to grow up wanting to spent time with her and feeling comfortable with her ... not remembering all the things that she did to bother him.